I think this might be an interesting topic to bring up. On this board, it's easy for us nons to act as though all the problems in our relationships are caused by our partners. At least for me, I believe that a huge portion of my relationship issues with my wife are a result of her crazy BPD (undiagnosed) thinking. She has some serious issues that she refuses to address or even acknowledge in the first place, so we have constant circular fights that never accomplish anything at all.
I'm beyond frustrated. I haven't been perfect either though. Not long after we began dating, I began to develop a drinking problem. At first, it was just a coping mechanism I used to be able to better tolerate her behavior. Drinking helped to take the edge off. After awhile, she complained that I was drinking too much. I honestly didn't know how I could really put up with her crap most of the time unless I'd had a little bit of a buzz going. Eventually, she really started getting on my case anytime I drank around her. She couldn't comprehend that I felt I NEEDED it in order to deal with her.
In order to not piss her off, I began to hide my drinking from her. That's typical of so many other things in our relationship. I've always had to hid lots of things from her just so she won't go ballistic. It's usually really stupid stuff too. As I began drinking more secretly, I also found I was drinking a lot more and putting a lot more time and energy into getting alcohol and hiding it.
My wife eventually found out about me drinking heavily and hiding it about 10 months ago. The s**t really hit the fan then. She got her parents involved and it turned into a huge clusterf**k. For those who aren't aware, when somebody with BPD finds dirt on their partner, they run fast and hard with it! My wife has become relentlessly controlling and demanding and throws it in my face every chance she gets. Now, all the focus of the problems in our relationship and any of our son's behavior issues have all become entirely my fault and I'm blamed for every bit of unhappiness or problems in our household.
So, that was my big mistake. I allowed alcohol to have a stronghold in my life. It brought plenty of negative repercussions along with it. I've come clean to all my close friends and family about it. Their response? They weren't surprised at all based on all the crap I've put up with from my wife over the years. Not one of them had anything bad to say about it and they were all very supportive of me. I knew I had to get my drinking under control and have since taken steps to fix the issue.
According to my wife though, I'm an untrustworthy sack of s**t who has "destroyed her life"... .her words.
Anyways, I'm curious to hear from others. What have YOU done wrong in your relationship? How did the BPD person in your life handle it or do they even know about it? If they know about it, do they throw it in your face every chance they get? Are they understanding and forgiving (ha ha, just kidding... .or course not!
)?
I know in my situation, I felt like I really allowed alcohol to have too much control over my life and affect many areas of my life in a negative way. I'm learning how to cope with life in healthier ways these days and my life is much better overall. My wife refuses to drop the issue though and uses it against me at every opportunity.
