Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 11, 2024, 04:18:01 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
She has agreed to meet me-nervous
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: She has agreed to meet me-nervous (Read 408 times)
lever.
Offline
Posts: 717
She has agreed to meet me-nervous
«
on:
March 07, 2014, 04:45:59 AM »
Following the letter asking me to explain myself I sent a brief response. Thanks to your advice I avoided JADEing and just said that I loved her but recognised that she was angry with me and if she wasn't ready to re-connect with me that was okay, . I would love to have a relationship with her and the GC if but would accept her decision.
Got a text this morning, she is in the area visiting friends and could meet me for a coffee at 4.30pm (that will be late morning for my friends in the States).
DH not keen on me going, says she needs to apologise to her sister or we will be caught between them in the future. Tried to remind him that she has a disabillity and explained some of the things in Valerie Porr's book. He listened a bit and I told him that I'm meeting her anyway as it is very important that I see the grandchildren and I want to be in contact with DD in any case.
It is probably too late to seek support from most of you as you will be asleep. I'm very nervous. Afraid that she will rage at me and flounce off. I know that it won't actually harm me and we'll be no worse off, but I still dread it. I will try to remember what I have learned on here, no JADEing, lots of validation SET~ but can I do it. I have only been on here since Christmas. Wish you were available to role play it. Wish me luck I'll be back later.
It is wonderful to find on here people who understand, I have seen so much that is almost identical to what I have experienced.
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
sadandscared
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 24
Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous
«
Reply #1 on:
March 07, 2014, 06:26:27 AM »
I wish you the best of luck with your meeting today. Sometimes when I'm with my daughter things go so good and we laugh. She's actually very funny when she's in a good mood! It's a surprise when things go good but it's also what keeps me going. Have a great day!
Logged
jellibeans
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1726
Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous
«
Reply #2 on:
March 07, 2014, 09:39:39 AM »
lever
I hope your meeting goes well... . try not to anticipate trouble... . the worrying does nothing to help the situation. Try tomake th emeeting light and take time to answer... . let her do a lot of the talking... . I think sometimes this is what the pwBPD needs... . they need to express themselves fully because they feel we are not listening... . let her talk and you listen... . when she is talked out you can add to the conversation by validating what she said... . I do hope it goes well...
Logged
Pizzas123
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 49
Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous
«
Reply #3 on:
March 07, 2014, 10:57:40 AM »
I am wishing you a good, positive day with your daughter. You deserve it and I very much hope for it. The communication skills I have learned here have helped me with my daughter, and I wish the same for you.
Good luck!
Logged
lever.
Offline
Posts: 717
Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous
«
Reply #4 on:
March 07, 2014, 12:55:59 PM »
Well, I'm back. It was mixed.
I listened a lot and eventually she started crying rather than raging and asking why she was second best and we loved her sister more. Although I know this isn't the case it was easier to validate the feelings.
I have an arrangement to visit the grandchildren the week after next, so that's a success. I was able to shift my own perspective on some things which have happened in the past. However she is already setting up situations which she thinks will force me to "show where my loyalties lie". I feel more equipped to handle this now. I see where DH is coming from.~ Although I have been upset we have had a couple of months of peace and now it will change, but personally I'm happy with the outcome.
Thank-you for your help, without it I would have been JADEing away and could have lost contact with the GC.
Those of you with adolescents do be reassured that although there are still difficulties this is a vast improvement.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
She has agreed to meet me-nervous
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...