Quote from: Clearmind on Today at 12:28:03 AM
Sometimes we turn to the one who has hurt us for
validation – it actually has the opposite affect Hurt llama – we actually feel invalidating. Part of a self fulfilling prophecy we hold about ourselves.
You are not alone Hurt llama – trust me – I have seen so many hurt souls come to the board will a similar story of pain and “addiction” to our BPD loved ones.
Where to from here my friend – what do you want for yourself? Are you undecided or are you wanting to detach and heal?
I see you have found our Leaving Board
I get it... I really do... and it's good you remind me. Thank you. I have only 'proven' to her that I am 'crazy' as she always said and this validates her to feel somehow justified... . if she even bothers to think about it.
it makes great sense that by constantly reaching for her (and i mean constant... . ugg ugh ugh) that I am only making it worse for myself and leaving myself wide open to be really hurt again... . almost anything she might say (she says little thank god) will only further to trigger me.
The 'good' news is that I do have a really great life... She and I were over long ago and I went to see her in October and then during Hurricane Sandy as I lay in the dark with no power, water, heat she disappeared from all contact... . I had that sinking feeling.
She finally reaappears and texts, "No easy way to say this. I am back with my boyfriend. sorry"
and i got over it and we continued texting and being friends... until i started seeing someone and she said she can't handle it (not making this up) and then she came here and the rest is history.
To answer your question... I know the answer intellectually... . at least... . No, I cannot, will not be with her unless she were able to acknowledge that she has this condition and that she enter treatment for it and I would participate as well... But that's fantasy... . in fairness to her, she can only be ready to accept the obvious when she is ready... she is in therapy but I am certain that she will not be truthful and it most likely not continue... but it doesnt matter in the end.
The maddening and embarrassing thing to admit is that there really is nothing in reality she could say to me to make me feel better... and that no matter what she said,... . i would only at best go see her or she see me, have a wonderful magical time and she would sooner or later turn ice cold and blame me for things or trigger me to do something to look like I am crazy and so it would go forever.
I don't think I am over the top codependent but do recognize some of the behavior in myself.
I want to be able to get her out of my thoughts and my mind and heal.
We have been in touch and shared lives via phone, video text and seeing each other once in awhile every day for a very long time... I feel a huge loss of someone I was connected to in just so many ways.
