How to help and understand my adult daughter.

[Squirrel-111]

This is my first post on here. I have a 24 year old daughter with strongly possible BPD, and it has NOT been easy at all. I noticed she was 'different' probably at the age of 2 yrs old (withdrawn thumb sucker), at 3 yrs (horrible tantrums), at 5 yrs (telling her siblings "you're stupid, I hate you, shut up, I hope you die"), at 6 yrs (fits and oppositional), at 8 (diagnosed with Elevated Sensory Processing Disorder), at 9 (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), at 12 (ADHD & PTSD), at 16 (Conduct Disorder), at 17 (arrested and in detention 4 days after assaulting me and became a secret cutter) . . . and now at the age of 24 yrs old both she and I suspect she has BPD that went undiagnosed. One day she loves you and the next day she's telling everyone what a horrible person you are and lies about you. She is EXTREMELY vindictive and seems to find enjoyment in hurting others.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BPDstinks]

oh, how much we have in common (not in a good way, hmmmm?) (while I did not realize the signs until AFTER my 24 y/o BPD daughter )who is diagnosed...what a wild & sad ride!  We endured so many struggles, however, we did them together; I won't go on about examples, however, I was sleeping over (her request) at least twice a week; she gave me her pills to hold "so she did not overdose" (that one made me speechless), I FORCE fed her when she would not eat, etc. ironically, it was during one of these "assistance days" all went straight to poop; i mentioned a pretty sweater (just to make conversation) and she said, "oh...you do a favor for me, so, I need to do one for you", which turned into all the things I did wrong & ENABLE her, well....that was the last day we physically spoke, with the exception of her calling when she needs money, insurance, etc.  I am just confused & sad (though, i did a Jesus Take the Wheel, because I don't know what else to do!  I know that is not ADVICE, however, i just wanted you to know you are not alone!   Hang in there!

[Ourworld]

Dear Squirrel 111,
You sure have been through the wringer! Try to remember that behaviors that you see in a negative light are not coming from her per sey, but from her illness, and the demon who is trying to take over. I urge you to pray, pray, and pray for God to banish the evil inside your sweet child.

I was fortunate in the fact that my daughter is high-functioning and the only thing she did was try to ‘get my goat’. I never saw this as manipulation (as some would), but that it was in her mind. I did not realize she had this disorder (genetic) until recently, she left her husband and he described her beliefs and behaviors to me.

I hope you realize what is happening with her is not your fault, so try not to take her behaviors personally in any way and just see them for what they really are; uncontrolled behaviors that are really not her.

Peace, OurWorld

[Ourworld]

I also want to mention that my daughter has completely blocked me from her life for 11 years now (from age 27-38), but as I mentioned she is high-functioning and self-sufficient, so it has been difficult realizing that I cannot help her (as parents we always want to help our kids), so be thankful your daughter is still with you.

[BPDstinks]

Our Words...your advise is so comforting!  (I am sorry about your "separation" I look at pictures of my BPD & me & just cannot get it, so...your advice helps!