Newly estranged

[Helplesshound]

I have only recently seen that BPD could be the cause of the roller coaster we have been on for the last 8 years. My daughter (undiagnosed) 21 has just left home dramatically (following a police search as I panicked as she was gone 2 days with no money, phone etc., having not eaten for the previous 3 days) and never wants to see me again. I have previously watched her cut off her father so I know she can follow through...And I am heartbroken.
I feel so rejected as I have literally at times given my sanity to try to help her in life. Nothing works, she is on self destruct and is so miserable. I feel such a failure as a mother and I don’t know how it came to this. She blames her mental health issues primarily on her father but also now on me for doing everything wrong. I honestly have started to doubt my own sanity and don’t know whose version of events is correct anymore. And even if this is the illness talking, everything I read points again to poor parenting as being the cause. All I ever wanted to be in life was a good mother. I am such.a failure and I can’t bear the thought of never knowing where she is.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Done-er Stepdad]

You are no more responsible for her BPD than you would be if she were a diabetic.

You are not responsible for her current actions at all.

You are a good person who tried your best and ended up in a bad situation. It happens.

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Helplesshound.  Welcome to the group. I am glad you are here. This is a good place to get reliable information and the support you need. Your story is very familiar to us. Many of us have been through the same or similar situations. Speaking of reliable information be careful about believing this is all your fault. Research points to genetic as well as environmental factors. Like all of us you did your best. What matters is not the past but your determination to help make things better now. The fact that you are here shows that you are on board with that. We will walk with you on this journey but first take a deep breath and take a long hot bath or whatever calms you. Self care is the first step. You keep saying you doubt your own sanity. Many of us myself included see our own therapists for just that reason. It keeps us balanced in the storm. Is that something you may want to try as well? Again. Welcome.

[Helplesshound]

Thank you for the advice. I think some therapy for me might be a good idea. Especially as I am unable to do anything else to help her while she refuses to see me x