First post...

[Ladybug_22]

Hi! Just stopping in for the first time. Married for 25+ years to someone with undiagnosed BPD. Also have a teen with similar tendencies. Sometimes things feel so heavy and the stress level feels unreal. I have been in DBT classes and support groups and have learned lots of skills. I am doing my best to utilize the skills that I have learned but am not currently in a support group. Individual counseling is not a viable option for me right now because my parenting of preteen, teens, and a young adult is very intense and there is no room right now. My marriage is not in a good place at all (and may never have truly been), but I have no intention of uprooting my children's lives at this point. Sometimes I feel so alone and am sad often. However, I dig deep and remain positive and focus on the blessings of life, as well as the routines and responsibilities of life. I also work hard to enjoy the simple things of life and practice mindfulness. But the bottom line is this is not easy. Our children have reached ages where they can see the imbalances that exist in the home much more clearly. I cannot shield them the way that I did when they were small. My husband has also been dealing with a lifelong relationship (addiction) with (to) porn/online porn) and shows strong traits of a narcissist. I have been living with silent treatment for years upon years. I am praying for our children to take the best from what they have seen growing up in terms of marriage and leave the rest. I am doing my best to point them in the direction of books and tools that can help them be emotionally healthy. I have also discussed the idea of therapy with them and let them know that there is no shame in taking part in it. Our eldest has let me know that he fully intends to do so when he moves out. I am praying for them to find true joy in their lives and not allow themselves to accept subpar treatment. It is challenging because I want to talk to them as openly as possible, but I never want to say or do anything that will lessen the respect that they have for their father. I am doing my best to let them know that I am always available as a sounding board for them and that their feelings are absolutely valid. Thanks for reading this. I know that I am venting a bit...

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bugwaterguy]

Hello Ladybug,

I am also married 25+ years to an undiagnosed BPD.  I don't wish to uproot my children's lives.  Unfortunately my wife is threatening divorce. 

Narcissism and BPD can often be confused.  There is a quick video discussing the difference at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxrSPlL5s7c

Have you read "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder"?  I found it very helpful.

[AskingWhy]

My uBPD H just this evening got angry with me and threatened divorce.  (These threats  have happened over 20+ years of marriage. )  He's not addicted to p0rn, but emotionally incested with his three adult children, especially his daughter.

Last year, in anger, he screamed at me, saying he'd like to hit me but he'd lose his guns. Sadly, the daughters are very emotionally unstable.  Suicide attempt, hypersexuality, changing jobs, turmoil with siblings, on-again-off-again relationships.

A BPD husband can be heartache.  I know your pain.  Please vent if you need it.

[Ladybug_22]

Thank you both for your replies! I have not read that book but will certainly look it up. Thank you! I am sorry that you are going through the threatening divorce situation. I have experienced that in the past as well. I am also sorry that your daughters are going through so much turmoil. Please pardon the double reply. I have not figured out how to reply directly to someone's reply to my post yet. Praying for better moments for everyone!

[bugwaterguy]

We are here to support each other.  Let me know what you think of the book.