Some thoughts...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Yesterday I filed for divorce. Some of you may have read previous posts that she texted me she filed a restraining order on me to no longer contact her. I have not been served, but that doesn't mean I won't. But I suspected I would have by now.

But that changed something in me. For the better... .  

And I would like to share this thought... . I know I have my own human deficiencies and issues and growth happens daily. I also know, this is the end of a marriage. When ending a marriage, this type of behavior by my wife is so off the charts, it makes no sense. And that makes sense to me.  She has to hate me to walk away. And the anger, blocking me, NC, threats of police if I contact her, restraining orders... .  it all makes sense, if you cannot face yourself and your own issues.

There really is no reason to treat another person the way I have been treated. And I am finally realizing, after the restraining order threat, I DON'T NEED THIS CHAOS IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!

It was as if a switch was turned on. And I feel nothing. I am not ruminating. I am not sad. I am not angry. I actually filed the divorce paperwork with my attorney and I felt like there are possibilities. And that is a good feeling. Not necessarily in regards to relationships, but the possibility to not live under this dark cloud of confusion and fear and sadness. I know there is more to life.

So, now I wait... . maybe a sheriff will be showing up at my door, maybe not... . But the paperwork is filed for divorce. And she will fight me. She has said all along, she will not agree to the date of when we separated. And that's fine. I know, for sure, even if a judge agree's with her, in November I will be divorced. It's only a matter of time.

So, this week has been a banner week. I filed divorce, I am moving, downsizing from a 5 bedroom home to a cozy townehome. And I am looking forward to the change... .  

Thank you all on this board for sharing thoughts and kindness... . I appreciate it. It has helped. I do not know how much more time I will spend on this board. I find that I sometimes get pretty engrossed in other peoples issues, and I get rather down... . and stay in my own head with my issues.

So, I think for a bit, I may be stepping away... . and hopefully, when I come back... . I will have more to give to the folks who are still in a struggle... . Thank you all... .

[spaceace]

Yesterday I filed for divorce. Some of you may have read previous posts that she texted me she filed a restraining order on me to no longer contact her. I have not been served, but that doesn't mean I won't. But I suspected I would have by now.

But that changed something in me. For the better... .  

And I would like to share this thought... . I know I have my own human deficiencies and issues and growth happens daily. I also know, this is the end of a marriage. When ending a marriage, this type of behavior by my wife is so off the charts, it makes no sense. And that makes sense to me.  She has to hate me to walk away. And the anger, blocking me, NC, threats of police if I contact her, restraining orders... .  it all makes sense, if you cannot face yourself and your own issues.

There really is no reason to treat another person the way I have been treated. And I am finally realizing, after the restraining order threat, I DON'T NEED THIS CHAOS IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!

It was as if a switch was turned on. And I feel nothing. I am not ruminating. I am not sad. I am not angry. I actually filed the divorce paperwork with my attorney and I felt like there are possibilities. And that is a good feeling. Not necessarily in regards to relationships, but the possibility to not live under this dark cloud of confusion and fear and sadness. I know there is more to life.

So, now I wait... . maybe a sheriff will be showing up at my door, maybe not... . But the paperwork is filed for divorce. And she will fight me. She has said all along, she will not agree to the date of when we separated. And that's fine. I know, for sure, even if a judge agree's with her, in November I will be divorced. It's only a matter of time.

So, this week has been a banner week. I filed divorce, I am moving, downsizing from a 5 bedroom home to a cozy townehome. And I am looking forward to the change... .  

Thank you all on this board for sharing thoughts and kindness... . I appreciate it. It has helped. I do not know how much more time I will spend on this board. I find that I sometimes get pretty engrossed in other peoples issues, and I get rather down... . and stay in my own head with my issues.

So, I think for a bit, I may be stepping away... . and hopefully, when I come back... . I will have more to give to the folks who are still in a struggle... . Thank you all... .

[GreenMango]

I felt like there are possibilities.

There are Spaceace.  Happy for you - new bright possibilities... .  she doesn't hold the key to your happiness.

[WalrusGumboot]

But that changed something in me. For the better... .  

Throughout my 23 year marriage to my exBPDw and all the craziness, it was an incident where the blatant lack of respect pushed me over the edge and was the catalyst for me to file. Something just clicked and it finally hit home that no human being should treat their spouse that way, especially when they did nothing to deserve ill treatment.

Congratulations on your decision and your future life of peace!

[wanttoknowmore]

Spaceace,

Threat of  restraining order can cause a lot of distress. I was threatened with R/O when I tried to ask her on text if she is OK? It was shocking to get a text from her saying":)o I need to get a R/O to stop this harassment?"

In my entire life I have never been threatened with a R/O so It gave me many sleepless nights. But, thanks to her... .  she did not follow through with it.

BPD is a serious disorder which can make a loving caring person so hostile and mean. I can,t blame her... .  I blame her illness which changed her totally.