Have to walk away from ex BPD male... just have to..too traumatic.

[tinkerbell09]

Hi... I posted in the newwbie post first, then navigated here.

It gives me hope that I found this board. I have an online ex who I truly think has BPD. I could be wrong... . but he has exhibited many of the traits... and we've "recycled" 5 times now. He "idealized/devalued" me... he gets EXTREMELY angry, upset, loving, poetic, hurt, elated... up/down, up/down... within minutes sometimes. I know it was only online... but that was because I was patient for two years with his "reasons" of why he couldn't come visit... "just yet"... . I see my fault in this and my "rescuer" tendencies... . I see my own codependance in this... . but I can't take anymore... .

He recently did the push pull until yesterday I had to just block him... . (he's already smearing me on the website I met him at)... . I found out in this latest push/pull that he is on meds and seeing a therapist but he won't say why... . help me... please.

Just can't take anymore.

[Surnia]

Sounds like really a tough situation, you are in, tinkerbell! 

I agree with you, sounds like something is going on on his side and you took the rescuer role. What about staying away from this online community for a while? Perhaps spending some more time with real life friends?

And after that perhaps try to minimize contact with him?

Hang in there, tinkerbell.

[falconfree28]

Your feelings are exactly how I felt about a fortnight ago, and boy o boy does your mind race, the more and more I go through situations, the more common I get lightbulb moments and they're the moments that make me smile.

I didn't even notice my exBPD recycled on me twice until I recalled those situations, I can't prove she has this condition, but she's got a lot of "flags" pointing to it.

I'm not allowed to the make the decision for you to leave or stay, but let me give you the experience from the other side of the fence, is that I sleep, eat, converse, act much better than I ever did.

You've also been self-aware which is very good step, and incredbly honest, sometimes it's facing our own inner demons instead of the one we're seeing that hurts more.

I'm also in a community (not online) and she's smeared me, but all that community bar a few have stood behind me, the ones that don't are collateral damage, you also have the fantastic support network on this board and you'll see you're not alone.

Get friends, family, other members of your online community, take up everything to distract you (this has helped me alot) then make an educated decision... . most of all good luck.

[tinkerbell09]

Thank you guys so much for replying and welcoming me here. I wrote out a reply... a lonnnng one, but I was logged out... uh-oh!:O

I'm reading some links Rapt sent me and they're helping a lot. I broke up with this man and left the online community about six months ago now... . but I kept letting him suck me back in... I broke NC with him which I see I shouldn't have done.

Day before yesterday was THE END. I feel for him... . but I see how bad this has all been for me. I must completely disengage for my own sake.

Yes, I feel guilty in some ways... . but I can't help him. I can only help myself.

I know that's brief... I'll go into things more... I don't want to get logged out again.

[tinkerbell09]

Sorry... meant also to say that one of the things that bothers me most about this is that I don't have a pattern of chaotic, unstable relationships in my life... . some ups and downs yes, but not chaotic, DRAMATIC, roller-coaster, EXTREMES... . I was married for 16 years. We split because we grew into different people... . it wasn't a BIG DRAMATIC SPLIT!... we're friends and are nice too each other.

... . I guess I feel scared now too... . I'm wondering how I got into such a relationship with the ex BPD male... it's not something I would normally do. It's shaken me... . and I'm trying to look at myself now more... my own tendencies.