Stringing you along

[Craydar]

Is stringing you along until something better comes along (when I say better I cringe) and then dumping/discarding you a BPD or other PD trait? I'm under the assumption that you just need to be selfish, self-centered, and immature to do that.

[DangIthurts]

I can't say it would be normal stringing along like a non BPD girl would do... I've had that happen where girls are kind caring, talkative, texting, constantly hinting at it then poof they're in a relationship and wanna be friends or off they go...

I feared this tactic going into my relationship with exBPD, but given the anger, attention seeking... I don't think most are able to do it to that level, at least isn't she was very nice for two days and I was thrilled it looked like we'd work it out but by day 3 she was back actually a little worse since we weren't official.

Again it depends on the individual and what you put up with. I blew up and lost my cool again being canceled on all week (and I mean 3 times in a week I got canceled on as I was trying to get things back on track) I was wrong to go on blast cruising but again just so much frustration being canceled on... .

So if you enable a BPD to go with other guys or go back and forth I'm sure some might, but again thats not them stringing along thats more you being accepting of the behavior. But no I don't think they're capable of keeping a decent enough mask going to string things out too long...

I think they can cycle and play off what they know they can get away with but that to me is different than actively says "well see, well see" kinda stuff while being happy

[Fluff]

I think stringing along isn't that uncommon. Just as wrong though. The difference is in how they act while doing so. A regular immature person would drastically lower the affection, as they actually don't have the same feelings anymore , while a PD could still show the same level of affection, or maybe even more. Maybe in a up and down kind of way.

[Craydar]

I think stringing along isn't that uncommon. Just as wrong though. The difference is in how they act while doing so. A regular immature person would drastically lower the affection, as they actually don't have the same feelings anymore , while a PD could still show the same level of affection, or maybe even more. Maybe in a up and down kind of way.

Thank you. This is interesting as it validates my suspicion. My uxBPDgf started dating a guy 6 weeks prior to our last date. She seemed to increase affection and sexual interest with me during this process to, in my opinion, compensate for the guilt she may have been feeling about cheating OR as a subconscious defense mechanism to cover up any wrongdoing. All of this of course was done on the typical roller coaster ride. She went so far as to make several plans throughout the Fall that obviously never materialized.

[RedDove]

They always need someone to attach to for attention and validation. In my situation, my ex BPDbf increased his attention and the sex back to how it was during the idealization faze. We even made plans for summer vacations together. The next 3 weekends we had plans to go bowling, see a band, etc. He blew me off at the last minute 3 weekends in a row! I then discoverd his lies and cheating with the OW. He was on a daring site, unbenownst ro me and had her on the back burner. Apparently he was awaiting for her to attach to him before getting rid of me. However, I caught him first and ended it.

I'm now on the sidelines watching him do the same exact thing to the OW. He's on the same dating site and he's made repeated attempts trying to recycle me. It appears he's keeping the OW until a new attachment comes along. He jumps from woman to woman seeking attention. When we try to take it to the next level, and expect it to progress to a deeper, normal relationship, he can't hamdle it and gets engulfed and flees to the next one. Only he's very underhanded and sneaky about it cause he can't handle being abandoned.

[Craydar]

They always need someone to attach to for attention and validation. In my situation, my ex BPDbf increased his attention and the sex back to how it was during the idealization faze. We even made plans for summer vacations together. The next 3 weekends we had plans to go bowling, see a band, etc. He blew me off at the last minute 3 weekends in a row! I then discoverd his lies and cheating with the OW. He was on a daring site, unbenownst ro me and had her on the back burner. Apparently he was awaiting for her to attach to him before getting rid of me. However, I caught him first and ended it.

I'm now on the sidelines watching him do the same exact thing to the OW. He's on the same dating site and he's made repeated attempts trying to recycle me. It appears he's keeping the OW until a new attachment comes along. He jumps from woman to woman seeking attention. When we try to take it to the next level, and expect it to progress to a deeper, normal relationship, he can't hamdle it and gets engulfed and flees to the next one. Only he's very underhanded and sneaky about it cause he can't handle being abandoned.

Wow what a similar pattern although I am not being pursued by her for a recycle. It's been 2 months. She seems happy with my replacement. 

[Deeno02]

They always need someone to attach to for attention and validation. In my situation, my ex BPDbf increased his attention and the sex back to how it was during the idealization faze. We even made plans for summer vacations together. The next 3 weekends we had plans to go bowling, see a band, etc. He blew me off at the last minute 3 weekends in a row! I then discoverd his lies and cheating with the OW. He was on a daring site, unbenownst ro me and had her on the back burner. Apparently he was awaiting for her to attach to him before getting rid of me. However, I caught him first and ended it.

I'm now on the sidelines watching him do the same exact thing to the OW. He's on the same dating site and he's made repeated attempts trying to recycle me. It appears he's keeping the OW until a new attachment comes along. He jumps from woman to woman seeking attention. When we try to take it to the next level, and expect it to progress to a deeper, normal relationship, he can't hamdle it and gets engulfed and flees to the next one. Only he's very underhanded and sneaky about it cause he can't handle being abandoned.

Wow what a similar pattern although I am not being pursued by her for a recycle. It's been 2 months. She seems happy with my replacement. 

We are almost 3 months into our break up and I think my body was cold for 2 days before shes with her old college buddy. I have not contacted her, nor has she contacted me and Im good with that. But Im on guard though.

[Popcorn71]

I was married to my exBPDh for 9 years before we separated.  We were having problems but I thought we were sorting them out whilst living apart. 

However, I think he was in a long distance relationship with the replacement for a couple of months before he dumped me and was stringing me along until he knew he had her where he wanted her.  He really did string me along because he acted like he wanted me and made out he was the loving husband.  He even told me that he would be with me until he died.  Just as I thought we were getting on well and he was moving back in, he dumped me right out of the blue.

I didn't know anything was wrong.  He was so clever and sneaky about it.  Even on the morning he left, he walked out of our bedroom and waved to me like he always did.  But during the weeks before this, he had taken all his belongings from our home.  I didn't even notice because he did it so gradually.  He was so clever about this.  He even asked me for copies of car insurance documents, 'because they would be handy to keep in the car'.  I didn't realise what he was doing.  He knew weeks before he left that he was going to dump me. 

I found out long after we split up, that the replacement was telling people they were celebrating being together for a year.  We had only been split up for 10 months!

I think they do string you along while they are still getting something out of it.  Then they dump you like s**t.

[mitchell16]

I have to agree. I think they can and do string you along. I beleive mine would manufacture a break up, keep me in contact prentending to be working on us while at the same time exploring her other options. We lived about an hour and half apart so she could do this very easy. Then when her new interest didnt pan out to be what she wanted, then she would move into full recycle mode and then here we go. I think this was her plan this last go around except i pulled the plug on it first. I think she was very content callnig me or texting me once every few days with talks about us getting back togther and trying to work on it. Only thing was it was all words no actions. When I pushed for us to spend a few days on vacation with each other so we could have some alone time to talk and see if we could work it out she began to back pedal. I think she would ahve tried to keep me in this holding pattern for awhile. My instinct told me she had someone else she was interested in but wasnt sure if he was what she wanted. so she didnt want to give me up until then. She did this same behavior early in our relationship with her ex before me. we had been dating for about 4 months and it was going very well, no problems. then out of no where she starts manufacturing arguments and I could tell she was becuase the arguments made no sense and she would exgerate things like crazy. She then decided she needed time away from me to sort of her feelings about us. She then told me she was going out of town for some alone time. All the while she text me how she loved me and was thinking about me, missing me etc... later she confessed she was with her ex. when I aksed why she just didnt tell me the truth insted of lying to me. Her answer was " you wouldnt have waited for me"  so i said you just lied to me and tricked me to keep me around until you made up your mind who you wanted. she admitted she did. So she strung me along. Whats crazy is I forgave this behavior and stayed with her after that. So towards then end I started seeing signs thats what she was doing again and at that point I didnt care if teh relationship worked anymore i was tired and had enough. so when she started pull that same crap I just told her I was done and not to contact me anymore.