Significant other with BPD

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Hi there

I'm pretty certain my significant other has BPD, but she refuses to go and get any kind of treatment, and beyond admitting to being fiery, denies there is any mental health issue. We've had a whirlwind romance and are married, but I'm becoming utterly exhausted trying to deal with her anger and in my eyes condition, alone. How do you make someone seek therapy? I't's way out of control and taking up my whole life. All my research points to BPD, and six months ago she was quite willing to admit she had many of the traits; but when it came down to doing something about it, she doesn't want to know. I still have this romantic notion in my head that we will get the treatment, and live a fantastic life and enjoy a wonderful relationship, but it seems so far away now, it just seems there will be an inevitable drift apart and I'll leave, unable to cope with the chronic mood swings. Any help or advice appreciated on how to just encourage her to help herself appreciated. I'm shattered!

[mattjamsk]

Hi there

I'm pretty certain my significant other has BPD, but she refuses to go and get any kind of treatment, and beyond admitting to being fiery, denies there is any mental health issue. We've had a whirlwind romance and are married, but I'm becoming utterly exhausted trying to deal with her anger and in my eyes condition, alone. How do you make someone seek therapy? I't's way out of control and taking up my whole life. All my research points to BPD, and six months ago she was quite willing to admit she had many of the traits; but when it came down to doing something about it, she doesn't want to know. I still have this romantic notion in my head that we will get the treatment, and live a fantastic life and enjoy a wonderful relationship, but it seems so far away now, it just seems there will be an inevitable drift apart and I'll leave, unable to cope with the chronic mood swings. Any help or advice appreciated on how to just encourage her to help herself appreciated. I'm shattered!

[heartandwhole]

Hi mattjamsk,



I'm sorry to hear that you are shattered. I can definitely relate to that feeling. These kinds of relationships can really take a toll.    I'm glad you reached out for support, because you've found a great place for that. Member here have been where you are, and understand what you are going through. And the site has tons of tools and resources to help things get better. The good news is that things really can get better for you.

Trying to persuade a loved one into therapy is a tricky proposition. Here is an excellent article that addresses exactly that issue:

Anosognosia and Getting a pwBPD into Therapy

I'd love to get your take on it if you have time to read it.

How long have you been married? Do you have friends and family who are supportive?

Keep posting. It helps to share your experiences. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[mattjamsk]

I've been married 5 months, and we've only been together 11 months in total. It's been an amazing journey of massive highs and lows, which when I research BPD it seems to be the case as a rule.

I've read the article, thank you very much. I guess my issue is I want to stand by her, but I just want a sign she's going to take a step and take the strain off me? She just says there's nothing wrong. It's very confusing as for me when we "click", the relationship is unworldly and untouchable compared to anything previous for me, but I'm becoming increasingly lost in the mire of her anger, and devaluation of me as a person.

Friends and family are supportive to a degree, but friends kind of have a cold take that she has several issues and I need to distance myself. I think they only see the stress I'm under rather than the hopeful love I still have. I think people view her as a bad person rather than someone I believe is just unwell.

Thanks for taking the time out to read, I will reflect on the article.

[Faith_88]

Hi Mattjamsk,

This probably isn't a very useful post, but I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I too have a partner I heavily suspect of having BPD - I haven't approached the subject with him yet, and hopefully won't have too myself (going to try to get him to the docs) but I also heavily suspect he'll react the same way as your wife. Then again, he's really quite unpredictable, so who knows! It's very likely though, I know that much.

Anyways, hang in there. Make sure you look after yourself!