How to not let them trigger you?

[FigureIt]

I usually go home at my lunchtime and my BPDbf is there too.  Today the weather is bad and I texted him that and it was snowing here for 3hrs and asked ":)o you want me to come home at lunch?"  He responded with "I know you do not want to come home and if the weather is bad you should not."

It irritates me that he had to say "I know you do not want to come home... . "  Today is his 1st day back to a job he hates after a week off and I know he's stressed.  Do you just ignore the statement? There was no reason to say that. 

My only understanding of why to say that is he is feeling frustrated at work and needs to lash out at someone and I just happen to be a perfect target.

Should I address what he said later or just drop it and move on?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[elemental]

I am fairly new at this, and I agree with you that the extra he said was him "blaming" at you.

My instinct, given what I learned here so far, is if you want to respond to him, I would not respond to his complaint, but say something like, ok, I will see you when I get home  after work. <3


Leave him to sit with his discomfort. He knows you will be home later.

[Chosen]

I won't respond to that because he is deliberately trying to trigger you.

Or, I may say "I do want to come home", not outright contradicting to his statement that you don't want to come, but telling him the "truth".  Depends on whether you think the issue is small enough to let go.  I probably would, unless my pwBPD is feeling good that day and I feel that me setting him straight won't get us into an argument.

[Jox]

Hi Ycul,

I think it is actually complicated. I think it is not provocation, he needs you there for lunch.  So if you do t come, in the evening another provocation may araise, and stronger one.

I would go for lunch, and ask forgivness for not understanding how stressful is his first day at work.

Best to both

Jox

[shatra]

Hi

  You can validate "You feel I don't want to come home" .  It's hard for them to hear the "truth" until you validate their "untrue" feelings first.

Bye

Shatra

[joshbjoshb]

Honestly, I'd deal with this type of insecure text much better than the rage that comes with "you never want to be with me, you don't care, you are a selfish pig".

All he did was to express the fact that he is not secured. Don't blame him for that.

Someone told me that BPD are ones that when growing up were not allowed to feel anything. So not letting him feel insecure, because YOU are not secure, is wrong. It's okay for him to feel this way, but you have to learn how not to be affected personally and emotionally.