Brother dying from Cancer helped me realize emotional unavailablity of BPDS

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I would like to share a story with you that I recently came to realize that has helped me detach from my BPDS.  Two years ago my brother passed away from Cancer.  I was the one who stayed with him the last night before they totally put him under on pain meds.  I will tell you for me it was a night that I would never wish on anyone.  The whole night he was crying out for mom and dad, he kept saying help me help me, he kept saying it hurts it hurts, he soiled himself 3 times that night, etc ... .  it was hell.  The next day they put him so he was 100% under.  After his death I was in a depression and probably suffered symptoms of PTSD from seeing him suffer the whole night (watching the one I loved suffer was horrible).  Looking back now - my wife  after 19 years of marriage never once tried to comfort me - never asked me to talk about it - she would always tell others they needed to help me but she never would (she couldn't).  A year latter I told my wife how I had blamed myself for my brothers death - how I suffered and hurt and her responce was "I cannot have anything more on my shoulders".  Long story short I never realized how little she cared about my emotions or my suffering it was always about her needs.  If any of you are spiritual I would love to share the two visions I had the night my brother died - but my brother also came to me in a dream 1 1/2 months after the seperation - I was telling him how my wife and I were going through difficulties, how she said she started falling out of love with me when he got sick... .  he told me "this has been in her heart alot longer than I will ever know and why its hard and he knows I'm struggeling and in pain that God has something greater in store for me.  It's funny - my brother is still looking after me and caring for me even after hs death - If anyone would like to hear of the two dream of the night he died I would love too.

[cal644]

I would like to share a story with you that I recently came to realize that has helped me detach from my BPDS.  Two years ago my brother passed away from Cancer.  I was the one who stayed with him the last night before they totally put him under on pain meds.  I will tell you for me it was a night that I would never wish on anyone.  The whole night he was crying out for mom and dad, he kept saying help me help me, he kept saying it hurts it hurts, he soiled himself 3 times that night, etc ... .  it was hell.  The next day they put him so he was 100% under.  After his death I was in a depression and probably suffered symptoms of PTSD from seeing him suffer the whole night (watching the one I loved suffer was horrible).  Looking back now - my wife  after 19 years of marriage never once tried to comfort me - never asked me to talk about it - she would always tell others they needed to help me but she never would (she couldn't).  A year latter I told my wife how I had blamed myself for my brothers death - how I suffered and hurt and her responce was "I cannot have anything more on my shoulders".  Long story short I never realized how little she cared about my emotions or my suffering it was always about her needs.  If any of you are spiritual I would love to share the two visions I had the night my brother died - but my brother also came to me in a dream 1 1/2 months after the seperation - I was telling him how my wife and I were going through difficulties, how she said she started falling out of love with me when he got sick... .  he told me "this has been in her heart alot longer than I will ever know and why its hard and he knows I'm struggeling and in pain that God has something greater in store for me.  It's funny - my brother is still looking after me and caring for me even after hs death - If anyone would like to hear of the two dream of the night he died I would love too.

[Rose Tiger]

   I have tears in my eyes reading your story.  I was at the hospital the night my mom died and they kept giving her morphine for her suffering but not enough to kill her, they walk a fine line with that stuff.  As difficult as it is, I'm glad you were there for your brother, I can't bare the thought of someone going through that without a family member at their side.  It does change a person, to see a loved one suffer so much.  :'(

I dream about my mom occasionally, I tell her oh Mom, I thought you died and I hug her and hug her.  She just hugs me back, doesn't really say anything, she is smiling.  I look forward to seeing her in heaven.

If you'd like to PM the visions to me of that night, I'd love to hear it.   

[cal644]

I've had a couple request for the other dream - so here they are.  The night my brother passed away I had two dream.  The first one I was lying right next to him in the hospital bed ... .  literally I was there right next to him... .  I was there the moment he died.  It shook me so bad and it was so real that I couldn't beleive that when I woke up my wife was in bed with me... .  becuase I know I was with him.  When I finally got to sleep again the second dream occured. Him and I were walking in this beautiful field and I can't remember what we were talking about - but there was this huge party going on in the background.   As we got close to the party he said it was time to goto the party - I replied great lets go - and he told me that I couldn't come to the party with him. about 30 minutes latter we received the call that he had died.  I know that I was with him when he died, and I know I was with him on his journey to heaven.  1 1/2 years latter he came to me in this dream during the seperation - same field as the first one.  I told him how my wife said she quit loving me when he got sick - he told me ... Cor (that's what he called me) - this has been in her heart alot longer than you will ever know - I know it's hard and your sad - but trust me God has something better planned for you.  I hope this gives some of you peace that there is hope in this life and the next... .  and while we are all suffering - God does have something better in store for us

[gina louise]

 cal644,

I believe in a happy afterlife for every soul. your experiences touched me a lot. God bless. I had similar things happen with my Mom, and grandparents... .  

I think they do keep tabs on us,

PS listen to your brother!

GL

[Rose Tiger]

Very cool, I suppose he was heading for the wedding feast and we will get there eventually.  Young men will have visions and old men will have dreams.  Those are some powerful experiences for you, they must bring you a lot of comfort.    I'll share a nugget, I was driving to work, crying.  I've done a lot crying in the car  .  Anyway, I was asking God, do you see me?  :)o you care?  And this huge hawk flew straight at my car and skimmed the windshield flying straight up.  I was jaw dropped.  I never questioned again.  

[cal644]

Rose that is interesting about the hawk... .  it was funny each time I was struggling at first a song would ALWAYS! be on the radio - By Swedish house mafia... .  the lyrics ... .  don't you worry, don't you worry child... .  heavens got a plan for you... .  again it was a reminder that things will get better

[Rose Tiger]

Yes, I know what you mean, love those reminders.