Contempt Hurts

[Whitefang]

Ok i came back bc i need help again.

After mos of rejection, my ex acting like she hates me or is scared me, she finally said "youre a little psycho for trying so long.  Theres no feeling left.  Nothing but contempt for you.  Youre pathetic.  I dont love you or want any contact from you".  Contempt seems worse than hate.  I looked it up and it said it means "below, unworthy of, scorn".

So i finally know the feelings she held back so long.  But i could feel them.  Now i feel like a total loser.  Her rejections painful and the words like a knife.  Does she mean it? 

Im still working on me, facing my issues for my part.  Just wanna know have any of you been hated so bad and did they ever come back?  I know its hard telling and i shpuldnt care, but i do.  This woman hurt me so bad, id never trust or go back again.

From experience, what are the odds?  Already over a yr of intense smearing and splitting.  Now this.  She sees no redeeming quality for all we had and i cpuldnt make her remember before she hated me.  Where do those good feelings go?  How long must she hate me?  Do they ever realize they treated you bad and want to make up, even if they dont mean it? 

[happiness68]

Sorry to hear that HardHabitToBreak.  You need to work on yourself.  It feels almost impossible I know.  It's taken me three months to feel like I'm finally getting somewhere.  If it's any consolation, I don't think they mean it when they're so very nasty.  For me, it feels like a very intense rage that builds up inside of them - maybe because they're angry with themselves.  It's just a feeling I have. I can't imagine that anything else could make someone so angry for so long, unless they're angry with themselves.  I don't know if that makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but it's just what I see from my own experience.  It's like a self destruct.

[trouble11]

It's hard because when we love someone we do it day in and day out.  I'm working on not taking anything too seriously because it can change within hours.  He said he loved me as he was literally walking out the door.  So if he said he hates me today I don't think I would believe that either.  I doubt she was holding those feelings back for long.  Remember, they twist reality to fit their feelings or actions.  They do something impulsive and then have to make up a reason for having done it. 

I too have wondered where all the good feelings go.  Into the abyss I guess.

[gina louise]

My sbXh used the words contempt, disdain, scorn... .  he was undx but most likely strong NPD.

They have zero empathy-no feelings for YOUR feelings. My HUSBAND was a scornful, belittling bully-who surprisingly could dish it out but not take it. He was unable to take a critical remark or even a question.

He would blow like Mt Vesuvius. Only in private, only at me.

It takes time to get over... .  and realize that no matter how they spin it, it's NOT your fault.

GL

[really]

I had almost exactly those words used against me.   

They are unable to do any form of self reflefti

[really]

Self reflection. 

I know it doesn't help but have been there and know how much it hurts

[GustheDog]

Yeah, you really should just turn the focus to you and leave this toxic succubus behind.  There's no good to come from a future either with, or obsessing about, her.

You'll come to find after a while that they run on a script.  Every thread I read is a page from my own relationship.  It doesn't matter what she thinks about you, because she's probably mentally ill.

But, of course, right now you do care what she thinks about you - a lot.  But why?  Well, if you're like me, you became dependent on her idealization of you as a basis for your own self-worth.  And, for most of your relationship, you felt better about yourself than you'd ever felt before.  Then, when she devalued you overnight, you couldn't feel good anymore.

I now realize that I had some issues of my own before entering my BPD relationship, BUT, regardless, I felt pretty damn good - I was happy, funny, confident, active, full of energy.  I was enjoying life.  I might have been a little bit dependent on others' view of me for my own self-esteem, but not detrimentally so.  I totally lost that person.  And as flawed as he may have been, I liked being him a heck of a lot more than the person I am right now.

So view this as an opportunity to rebuild yourself into an even healthier person than the already good one you were before this storm ripped through your world.