Contemplating Goodbye Card

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi Everyone.

Recently I am beginning to remember the good things about my udBPDexgf and have sent her a couple of non-chalant texts and am getting no reply (normal for the off periods).

Like a 'normal' person I am missing my 'friend' of 2 years.  I think limited contact where I maybe send her a text or try to call her (or accept her text or calls) once every few weeks is the mature and responsible way to go. However I am just not strong enough to not attempt to contact her more.

Even though I am not sending anything remotely close to an i miss u text or call... .  I am still chasing her and feeling a bit hurt by the no return communications.

I know she will contact me eventually soon to try to restart the recycle process (recycle 10? 11? 12?... .  I forget).

With valentine's day coming up I am thinking of sending a goodbye card... .  she will expect a valentine's card I am certain and maybe a goodbye card will help keep her away.

I was not missing her until this week... .  I guess I am remembering the 'good' stuff. I have temporarily blocked her number so I cannot send her a text or call unless I unblock her.

Any ideas or suggestions on the goodbye card?

[nowwhatz]

Hi Everyone.

Recently I am beginning to remember the good things about my udBPDexgf and have sent her a couple of non-chalant texts and am getting no reply (normal for the off periods).

Like a 'normal' person I am missing my 'friend' of 2 years.  I think limited contact where I maybe send her a text or try to call her (or accept her text or calls) once every few weeks is the mature and responsible way to go. However I am just not strong enough to not attempt to contact her more.

Even though I am not sending anything remotely close to an i miss u text or call... .  I am still chasing her and feeling a bit hurt by the no return communications.

I know she will contact me eventually soon to try to restart the recycle process (recycle 10? 11? 12?... .  I forget).

With valentine's day coming up I am thinking of sending a goodbye card... .  she will expect a valentine's card I am certain and maybe a goodbye card will help keep her away.

I was not missing her until this week... .  I guess I am remembering the 'good' stuff. I have temporarily blocked her number so I cannot send her a text or call unless I unblock her.

Any ideas or suggestions on the goodbye card?

[Somewhere]

Sounded kind of funny to start with.

But after reading your stuff. . . .

Yeah, get one.  But send it to you.  

When you get it -- From you, to you, you can know it is done, over, and go live a real life.  If you want one.

[Newton]

It sounds like you want her to give you closure as you are not able to... .  she can't/won't do that... .  I'm sure you appreciate that from your reading here... .  ie/sending the "goodbye" card will cause a reaction... .  possible recycle attempt which you can reject and thus feel empowered.  Isn't this about testing your resolve rather than hers?... .  

nowwhatz... .  I know from our past "chats" that you appreciate challenging questions... .  so here is yet another  ... .  

What are you frightened about?... .  

[TheDude]

However I am just not strong enough to not attempt to contact her more.

Yes... .  yes, you are. Dig deep... .  

... .  I am still chasing her and feeling a bit hurt by the no return communications.

If you already know what happens when you pursue, then maybe stop chasing her?

I know she will contact me eventually soon to try to restart the recycle process (recycle 10? 11? 12?... .  I forget).

Is this really something you want?

Any ideas or suggestions on the goodbye card?

Be honest with yourself. Is "goodbye" really what you're trying to say?

[nowwhatz]

Sounded kind of funny to start with.

But after reading your stuff. . . .

Yeah, get one.  But send it to you.  

When you get it -- From you, to you, you can know it is done, over, and go live a real life.  If you want one.

Haha. Yes good idea.

[elemental]

What kind of response do you actually expect to get from her if you do that?

You know what you expect...

Personally I would not take a sharp stick and poke at a tiger with it.

If you really want to become detached, just go quiet and focus on your own life.

I used to be so scared to do this. But really, it will give you control over your emotions.

[nowwhatz]

It sounds like you want her to give you closure as you are not able to... .  she can't/won't do that... .  I'm sure you appreciate that from your reading here... .  ie/sending the "goodbye" card will cause a reaction... .  possible recycle attempt which you can reject and thus feel empowered.  Isn't this about testing your resolve rather than hers?... .  

nowwhatz... .  I know from our past "chats" that you appreciate challenging questions... .  so here is yet another  ... .  

What are you frightened about?... .  

Well Newton you are correct. At the last recycle in Dec I was almost strong enough to reject it but failed miserably.  Yes no doubt this is a test on my resolve. Apparently my resolve sucks.

She can't/won't close it out and doesn't want to... .  she needs to keep me around.  I want to close it out but it seems like I can't.  Logically I know if the recycles continue I will eventually be destroyed.

I am afraid that when she tries again (it is coming) I will fail again. 

[nowwhatz]

What kind of response do you actually expect to get from her if you do that?

You know what you expect...

Personally I would not take a sharp stick and poke at a tiger with it.

If you really want to become detached, just go quiet and focus on your own life.

I used to be so scared to do this. But really, it will give you control over your emotions.

Why were you scared to go quiet? That is where I am but am trying to figure it out. Thank you.

[Phoenix.Rising]

Fear, for me, usually boils down to 2 main things:  Fear of losing something I have or have had (her: idealization, sex, etc.), and Fear of not getting something I want (her, a healthy relationship with her, a better relationship, etc.)  Fear of being alone?

Nowhatz, my fears in relation to my ex are lessening.  Focus on the truth.  Focus on the pain that this relationship has created in your life.  Trust that the Universe will provide you with your needs.  It is ok to be alone because the truth is that we are never alone. 

[seeking balance]

Hi Everyone.

Recently I am beginning to remember the good things about my udBPDexgf and have sent her a couple of non-chalant texts and am getting no reply (normal for the off periods).

Like a 'normal' person I am missing my 'friend' of 2 years.  I think limited contact where I maybe send her a text or try to call her (or accept her text or calls) once every few weeks is the mature and responsible way to go. However I am just not strong enough to not attempt to contact her more.

Even though I am not sending anything remotely close to an i miss u text or call... .  I am still chasing her and feeling a bit hurt by the no return communications.

I know she will contact me eventually soon to try to restart the recycle process (recycle 10? 11? 12?... .  I forget).

With valentine's day coming up I am thinking of sending a goodbye card... .  she will expect a valentine's card I am certain and maybe a goodbye card will help keep her away.

I was not missing her until this week... .  I guess I am remembering the 'good' stuff. I have temporarily blocked her number so I cannot send her a text or call unless I unblock her.

Any ideas or suggestions on the goodbye card?

grieving hurts - it isn't easy, but necessary to detach.

I am kinda confused of how you view your texts or cards to her - is it not the same as the recycle you kinda say she does when she responds?

[benny2]

Today seems to be a day of remembering the good stuff and wanting to send a message according to alot of posts on here, myself included. Brush it off, the day is almost over and tomorrow is a new day.

[nowwhatz]

Today seems to be a day of remembering the good stuff and wanting to send a message according to alot of posts on here, myself included. Brush it off, the day is almost over and tomorrow is a new day.

Yes I think it was brought on my fatigue yesterday.  I only had a couple of hours sleep because I had spent much of the night before having a lot of fun... .  much of it with a 'normal' girl that I am really starting to like.

She is 100% opposite of my exBPDgf and has been sort of waiting for me for about 1 year.

I saw the T today and agreed that anything I had to say to the ex I have either already said or can be said in the future at the onset of her next recycle attempt.

I did spend some time writing a letter for the 'goodbye card.'  I almost sent it but put it away.

Yes tomorrow is a new day and I am looking forward to spending more time with the new girl on friday (she is making dinner for me and then we go dancing... .  it is wierd to be with a person who is nice to me). 

All in all good news I suppose... .  maybe will be transitioning to a different board here soon.