What Emotion is she trying to Display?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm keeping this brief.

Been together since May 2007. I was dumped in May 2012. Explanation was that she felt that she was not "good enough" for me. Felt like she "wasted" her youth on a 5yr relationship with just Me. Got a case of the g.i.g.s -- grass is greener syndrome, I guess. She told me that our relationship was getting too serious nd she needed to "find her self". She said she would be back. Immediately after we broke up... she tried to replace me with some one else... when I confronted her about it, she basically told me to kick rocks... was extremely cocky about it... so I initiated NC right away. I was still madly in Love... but sometimes its good to have some Pride left on the top shelf... after about 30 days, the person felt like she was moving to fast so she got dumped... immediately after that... I received a text with about 20 broken heart symbols... saying sorry nd she missed what we could of had... I hesitantly ignored it... after that she began to display a lot of awkward behavior online as if she was losing it. I guess looking for Pity nd Attention from others... maybe even from me... however some one took the bait nd with in 3 days she had proposed to the person. Then it started... for about two months it was like a reality show... she kept professing her undying Love for the person. Every single detail was displayed online. NC on her part... Then it all began to slowly fizzle... that's when I started getting more texts. Pictures of family members... texts explaining how she was crying uncontrollably when she went through our pics etc. That's when I decided to break the NC nd actually respond. It was LC here nd there... mostly initiated by her. Then she had decided that we should meet... because SHE wanted closure. Her? hmm... well I agreed despite all opposition from my party. I just couldn't understand why an engaged woman who confessed online that she never had the capacity to Love anyone else the way she loved her Fiancé, needed to speak to me... The closure ended up with us acting as if we had never broken up... she almost called be babe a couple times... she displayed signs of jealousy... signs of flirting nd heavy emotion when we actually got down to talking... she played the blame game nd insisted that her new relationship was "better" nd I just simply told her what this breakup had put me through. After I spoke she basically said she felt as if there still wasn't any closure... then she uttered... "What I really wanted to say was" she paused, then sighed. "Thank You for being such a good person to me nd I'm very sorry for what I put you through." I mean she called me out of LC just to tell me Thank You? *confused* By then her Fiancé started frantically texting... so I excused my self... we hugged nd I went home. I decided to contact her the next day to ask her if the "closure" was enough... nd that's when I got hit with the... .  "I think we shouldn't contact each other nd talk to each other about ANYTHING" I agreed nd since then there has been no contact. This have left me slightly confused nd pondering what is is that she had seem to be suppressing during our talk. Asking her would be a waste of time so I'm asking the community to picture themselves in a scenario like this one. What do you guys make of a situation like this? Thanks for reading.

Ps. I've always known that she wasn't all there... but I always thought it was BiPolar up until the last days of our relationship.

[daintrovert13]

I'm keeping this brief.

Been together since May 2007. I was dumped in May 2012. Explanation was that she felt that she was not "good enough" for me. Felt like she "wasted" her youth on a 5yr relationship with just Me. Got a case of the g.i.g.s -- grass is greener syndrome, I guess. She told me that our relationship was getting too serious nd she needed to "find her self". She said she would be back. Immediately after we broke up... she tried to replace me with some one else... when I confronted her about it, she basically told me to kick rocks... was extremely cocky about it... so I initiated NC right away. I was still madly in Love... but sometimes its good to have some Pride left on the top shelf... after about 30 days, the person felt like she was moving to fast so she got dumped... immediately after that... I received a text with about 20 broken heart symbols... saying sorry nd she missed what we could of had... I hesitantly ignored it... after that she began to display a lot of awkward behavior online as if she was losing it. I guess looking for Pity nd Attention from others... maybe even from me... however some one took the bait nd with in 3 days she had proposed to the person. Then it started... for about two months it was like a reality show... she kept professing her undying Love for the person. Every single detail was displayed online. NC on her part... Then it all began to slowly fizzle... that's when I started getting more texts. Pictures of family members... texts explaining how she was crying uncontrollably when she went through our pics etc. That's when I decided to break the NC nd actually respond. It was LC here nd there... mostly initiated by her. Then she had decided that we should meet... because SHE wanted closure. Her? hmm... well I agreed despite all opposition from my party. I just couldn't understand why an engaged woman who confessed online that she never had the capacity to Love anyone else the way she loved her Fiancé, needed to speak to me... The closure ended up with us acting as if we had never broken up... she almost called be babe a couple times... she displayed signs of jealousy... signs of flirting nd heavy emotion when we actually got down to talking... she played the blame game nd insisted that her new relationship was "better" nd I just simply told her what this breakup had put me through. After I spoke she basically said she felt as if there still wasn't any closure... then she uttered... "What I really wanted to say was" she paused, then sighed. "Thank You for being such a good person to me nd I'm very sorry for what I put you through." I mean she called me out of LC just to tell me Thank You? *confused* By then her Fiancé started frantically texting... so I excused my self... we hugged nd I went home. I decided to contact her the next day to ask her if the "closure" was enough... nd that's when I got hit with the... .  "I think we shouldn't contact each other nd talk to each other about ANYTHING" I agreed nd since then there has been no contact. This have left me slightly confused nd pondering what is is that she had seem to be suppressing during our talk. Asking her would be a waste of time so I'm asking the community to picture themselves in a scenario like this one. What do you guys make of a situation like this? Thanks for reading.

Ps. I've always known that she wasn't all there... but I always thought it was BiPolar up until the last days of our relationship.

[BentNotBroken]

confusion?

It's hard to tell from your post. Why do you suspect she is BPD?

(I am not the welcoming committee, but welcome to bpdfamily.com anyway!)

and get your "a" key fixed. Post was a little hard to read.

[Surnia]

 

daintrovert13

So sorry to hear and read what brought you here! 

This kind of relationships are so confusing and difficult to understand. Perhaps this article could help you a bit:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves.

I am glad you found us! Many members here are in similar situations. And I think you are here on the right board.

I would suggest to read some of our educational material. It cannot undo your pain. It can gave a bigger picture what is behind the letters BPD.

Hope this helps little bit.

Surnia

[daintrovert13]

confusion?

It's hard to tell from your post. Why do you suspect she is BPD?

(I am not the welcoming committee, but welcome to bpdfamily.com anyway!)

and get your "a" key fixed. Post was a little hard to read.

... .  Yes I realized it may be hard to read after I hit send.

Excuse my inability to post in to forums from my iPhone.

I know there is confusion there, but I was hoping to find out what type?

Does she want to stay?

Does she want to leave?

Why the public display of the new relationship?

Why the continued search for something she already has?

Why keep me around?

I always knew something was off but after reading up

on different personality disorders BPD seem to fit.

I've notice the older she became the worse it got.

Now that I've been reading for hours on here I see a lot

of similarities. Impulsiveness. Selfishness. Emotional among

a host of other things. I want to help her so bad... but I no longer

want to play the push/pull game that she seem to enjoy so much.

Its very taking on my own emotions. I know the new person has no clue

what they about to get in to and may not know how to cope and help her out.

I'm new to this so please excuse my forum etiquette.

[daintrovert13]

daintrovert13

So sorry to hear and read what brought you here! 

This kind of relationships are so confusing and difficult to understand. Perhaps this article could help you a bit:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves.

I am glad you found us! Many members here are in similar situations. And I think you are here on the right board.

I would suggest to read some of our educational material. It cannot undo your pain. It can gave a bigger picture what is behind the letters BPD.

Hope this helps little bit.

Surnia

Thank You Surnia (=

That article was one of the first articles I read on here.

It scared me how accurate it was. I've been through so much with her.

Infidelity. Self harm to get me to stay with her. Manipulation. Possessiveness. Morbid Jealousy.

She literally had me to her self. A mistake I made. She caused me to alienate all my friends and family.

It was just her and I for 5yrs straight. Then she basically threw me to the waste side after she was done. Some days I'm resentful... .  on other days I'm remorseful. The first night we met and she continued to look up and to the side as if she saw ghosts... is when I realized something was not too right. When the truth came out I figured if I loved her unconditionally she would see that it was okay and she would stop this behavior. After reading some of these threads I noticed I was wrong.

[Surnia]

Yes, daintrovert,

many of us are in the believe that unconditionally love can heal our SO. 

It will not work... .  

She caused me to alienate all my friends and family.

Perhaps this could be a start to do something for your future: Making some steps toward friends or family?

It is very important that we take care of ourselves when we came out of a rs like yours.