If you agree with "nobody likes me" or similar comments, you are validating the invalid. Don't do it that way.
Instead, try to validate the underlying feeling that brought up the comment in the first place.
He probably feels unlovable, or unwanted, or ignored, or something similar. You might be able to identify the feeling and validate it.
Perhaps better is to ask him why he feels that way. If you do, make sure that you are doing it with an honest interest in what he's thinking/feeling... .NOT a desire to point out how wrong he is.
His answer will probably lead you either to another question like that... .or to the feeling he's having which you can validate.
Perhaps better is to ask him why he feels that way. If you do, make sure that you are doing it with an honest interest in what he's thinking/feeling... .NOT a desire to point out how wrong he is.
His answer will probably lead you either to another question like that... .or to the feeling he's having which you can validate.[/quote]
I understand how he can feel the way that he does. I know deep down he feels unlovable. It can be hurtful because clearly I love him but that's not enough for him.
It is often the two of us that will plan activities for our group of friends and invite other people to join. It's hard to be the friend that needs to do all the "work" over and over again. He wants people to show initiative that they are interested in him but our friends seem too lazy or busy to plan things. His quest to make friends is unending. My feeling is he should try to be better friends with the people he already knows but he seems to be after quantity and not quality.
In terms of SET, I'm not really sure what the truth of this would be. On the one hand I can understand his frustration and agree that our friends should make more of an effort but they are people I cannot control. I'm sure if he had his way he would be doing something social everyday but I don't find that realistic and I'm not sure how to point that out. His research project at work is not going well and I feel like he wants to distract himself with this instead of focusing on his job.