Divorce from severe BPD - I need HELP PLEASE

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My ex dragged my son to the ER a number of times to make her "my son told me... ." allegations.  At least once she even got forwarded to the regional child abuse center's floor.  Well, one time - and only one time - an ER doctor called me.  That was 02/24/2010.  I thanked her for calling, telling her that her call was the first call I'd ever received when he was still at the ER, usually I had to track down visits from the medical records.  She replied, "Oh no, we don't pay attention to the history, this is ER, we only deal with the immediate incident.  I called because I need to know, what drug did you give him?" :'(

Back story, my ex had already dropped our son off at his elementary school but called saying son had told her I'd given him a white pill.  When I told her it was simply something commonly available to help him concentrate at school (a complaint I'd heard every year since kindergarten).  Well, that afternoon she checked him out early from school, took him downtown to the Children's ER reporting he had been acting crazy the night before and saying his brains were coming out.  (I had to request the records later to find that out.)

The doctor asked if I gave him any Benadryl, Tylenol or something else.  I mentioned the Cerecomp, about 3 tablets in all for the weekend, the recommended dosage is 3 tablets daily.  He was with me 6 overnights.  She already knew about this, asked if there was anything else and I said No.

I was appalled that the doctor didn't care that some visits were contrived so a parent could posture as concerned in a custody case.  I guess I don't know children's ER policies... .

So in your incident this week, if the doctor said an infection was found and prescribed something, don't think that has to be all there is logged.  Later as Father you can get the medical records and likely you'll see temperature was not too high, baby described as relatively healthy, etc.  Mother may think of herself as MOTY and "keep him at home for a week" but that doesn't mean your ordered parental visits are automatically denied for a week.  She will of course try to claim that.

[ForeverDad]

My ex dragged my son to the ER a number of times to make her "my son told me... ." allegations.  At least once she even got forwarded to the regional child abuse center's floor.  Well, one time - and only one time - an ER doctor called me.  That was 02/24/2010.  I thanked her for calling, telling her that her call was the first call I'd ever received when he was still at the ER, usually I had to track down visits from the medical records.  She replied, "Oh no, we don't pay attention to the history, this is ER, we only deal with the immediate incident.  I called because I need to know, what drug did you give him?" :'(

Back story, my ex had already dropped our son off at his elementary school but called saying son had told her I'd given him a white pill.  When I told her it was simply something commonly available to help him concentrate at school (a complaint I'd heard every year since kindergarten).  Well, that afternoon she checked him out early from school, took him downtown to the Children's ER reporting he had been acting crazy the night before and saying his brains were coming out.  (I had to request the records later to find that out.)

The doctor asked if I gave him any Benadryl, Tylenol or something else.  I mentioned the Cerecomp, about 3 tablets in all for the weekend, the recommended dosage is 3 tablets daily.  He was with me 6 overnights.  She already knew about this, asked if there was anything else and I said No.

I was appalled that the doctor didn't care that some visits were contrived so a parent could posture as concerned in a custody case.  I guess I don't know children's ER policies... .

So in your incident this week, if the doctor said an infection was found and prescribed something, don't think that has to be all there is logged.  Later as Father you can get the medical records and likely you'll see temperature was not too high, baby described as relatively healthy, etc.  Mother may think of herself as MOTY and "keep him at home for a week" but that doesn't mean your ordered parental visits are automatically denied for a week.  She will of course try to claim that.

[livednlearned]

So far we've filed several motions of contempt - one was because there are medical notes directly from the hospital stating - "Mother admits to not being compliant with medication administering because she feels the side effects outweigh the benefits"... .  so basically my son's mother is going against all doctor's prescriptions and making her own decisions which are severely negatively affecting my son's health... .and still the court has not done anything.

It does take a while, and it's frustrating and exhausting and expensive and heart-wrenching. Keep documenting and filing motions for contempt (maybe you can save some money and combine several into one motion, which is what my lawyer did).

I lost track of the number of motions for contempt and it took the court 3 years to see how severe my ex was, despite a serious psychotic episode that N/BPDx himself documented (over 100 messages in 12 hours, incoherent, threatening, abusive, paranoia, delusional, etc.). Over 60 filings in my case 

My appellate lawyer explained that high-conflict battles tend to make judges extra careful about following technicalities, and gathering enough evidence so that their rulings will not be overturned in appeal. It is a point of professional pride for them to avoid this -- judges are considered by the court to be the "supreme witness" of your case. They don't want a bunch of other judges scrutinizing their conduct in court and finding any flaws.

All this to explain why it seems to take so much to persuade the judge to rule favorably.

It sounds to me like you have a good lawyer.

[Duck_Borders]

I could use some advice regarding my laywer... . 

Today was another crazy visit.  My son's Mother refused to leave us alone, using excuses that she was setting up the baby toy's or supervising me while the nurse used the washroom.  Additionally, my son's nurse threatened to quit if she had to come to my house, like the new court order states (but I've not been able to initiate yet as my son's mother took him to the ER instead). 

These were just the 2 craziest parts of the 4 hour visit.  There were about 15 more examples of parental alienation, BPD control, manipulation, etc. 

I send my lawyer a daily update every time I see my son.  I try to keep it short, but literally almost every time, there is something absolutely ridiculous that happens and I feel the need to report.  I'm worried that my lawyer is getting annoyed with me sending too many updates... .  Any suggestions on how to send the updates?  Or maybe I should be sending them to someone else?

There are 2 primary reasons I'm sending them.  1)  To have a timestamped record of my notes and experiences day to day.   2)  For the future when I'm meeting with GAL or therapists, etc., I can look back at all of my notes and help jog my memory of the craziest stuff. 

Any ideas?  I obviously don't want to piss off my lawyer or overload her with too much info (which I'm pretty sure I've already overloaded her).

Thanks,

Duck

[livednlearned]

Why not directly ask your lawyer what's best?

I asked my lawyer a similar question at one point in the case when it became clear it was going to be an expensive high-conflict case. To help me save money, she told me to direct my questions to her associate because that person was cheaper.

My lawyer also told me to not send attachments because she charged more to open them.

Ask your lawyer if it makes sense to send a batch email once weekly listing the number of times BPD mom was in contempt of court. Since this is going to go on for the next three months, your lawyer will probably be interested in coming up with a plan to handle the volume.

[Duck_Borders]

Good call I will ask her.  I've mentioned it several times before via email but she usually doesn't reply.  To be clear - I have a really kick ass lawyer as well as a more than fairly priced one, I'm just overloaded with crazy and I'm trying to communicate all of it to her, which is in turn overloading her... .

Why not directly ask your lawyer what's best?

I asked my lawyer a similar question at one point in the case when it became clear it was going to be an expensive high-conflict case. To help me save money, she told me to direct my questions to her associate because that person was cheaper.

My lawyer also told me to not send attachments because she charged more to open them.

Ask your lawyer if it makes sense to send a batch email once weekly listing the number of times BPD mom was in contempt of court. Since this is going to go on for the next three months, your lawyer will probably be interested in coming up with a plan to handle the volume.

[ForeverDad]

I recall my lawyer asking me, ":)o you want a $5K divorce or a $30K divorce?"  I had been hounding him with every violation and obstruction.  Fortunately he didn't charge extra for the volume of calls and emails but what he was blunt about was that the court couldn't and wouldn't address every little problem.  So I had to prioritize and choose my battles for what really counted long term.  However, my divorce took nearly 2 years and still ended up way more than $5K, and not counting the next 6 years either.

Let me repeat, her setting conditions on the visits — "I have to be there" — is something the lawyers and court need to squash.  She's trying to control the visits in multiple ways.  It's good you and your parents refused to weaken that vital my time|your time boundary.  You parenting time is not "our" parenting time nor is it "supervised" time either.  She definitely has entitlement and control issues, of course masquerading as Concerned Mother.

I really do believe this is one issue that the court must address.  If there's a way to exchange your child and go elsewhere, do it.  Otherwise I don't know if it can wait 3 months for the next hearing.

[livednlearned]

If you feel she is doing good work for you, and she's effective, and responds when it's pertinent, that's good.

If she is not responding within 24 hours, it might be worth calling her and setting things straight. There is a possibility she is not responding to anything that isn't pertinent in order to save you money.

There are decent lawyers out there, and they know that billable seconds and minutes can add up.

Even so, it's good to make sure they are on the same page with you. They work for you... .

[Duck_Borders]

Thanks everyone.  I believe My lawyer has already been doing all of the stuff you've mentioned.  

I have a new question for you guys... . How do I survive and/or recover from this?  I didn't even get any of the good times... .I eloped after 2 months (yes, very immature and stupid.  I was chasing the fairy tale) and she immediately went into psycho overdrive.  

I've been to jail.  I'm broke.  I'm in a strange city in a different country.   While I watch all of my best friends thriving and succeeding and having a happy life, mine is falling apart.   Everyday she comes at me with more crazy - now she has the nurse convinced I'm terrible.  The nurse is too stupid to understand what's going on.  And on top of it, I watch this dumb nurse have a closer relationship with my son than I do (and an unhealthy one).  My BPD ___ has the nurse "supervising" me as if I'm a pedophile.  She literally stands over me half the time during my court appointed 4 hours.  I am a really nice and kind person and I love my son and I love teaching him and playing with him and would do anything to protect him.  And I have supervised visits with a dumb nurse with a double digit iq and a 6 month LPN diploma.  Wtf?

It's Saturday night.  Ive spent the entire evening documenting crazy, or researching it.  Even if I wasn't too depressed to go do something social, I have no money or friends to do so anyways.  Im the one that was attacked relentlessly emotionally and physically, yet I'm also the one being punished.  While at the same time my son could be suffering serious health complications because I can't get him to his specialists.

Any money that I could have used for my sons education or for a house is burned away a long time ago by this lunatic I call a baby momma.  

I just read about how a lot of court appointed therapists are afraid to label PD's for either being falsely accused themselves, or for creating additional problems for the true victim.  I do believe my judge is doing the full process to ensure her ruling is not overturned, but it's already been close to a year since the divorce started.

This is absolute insanity.  Our legal system is a pathetic joke.  How does one survive this and live the happy life you were originally living before meeting your BPD monster?

How is this not a bigger topic in politics?  I tell everyone I meet about this, I literally talk to the girl at target or the guy at Best Buy and find people everywhere that are being tortured by PD's.  Based on my sample size of interactions I would put the number of PD's in our society at closer to 30% not 10%.   Innocent lives are being destroyed everywhere, and the problem is multiplying because the courts are rewarding these psychos with custody and letting them ruin another generation.  This is the absolute worst nightmare I ever could have imagined.  I would rather have woken up in the walking dead universe.

W

T

F?

People need to speak up.  :)UCK BORDERLINES.  Someone needs to start sticking up for the actual victims.  I don't know how yet, but if I survive this, I will definitely be taking up any legal arms I can against these mangled excuses for human beings.  

**rant off**

(Thanks for the vent, sorry to offend any BPD's out there reading this... . You should try to look at yourself and consider your "loved ones" who you're hurting with your projections and false accusations)

If you feel she is doing good work for you, and she's effective, and responds when it's pertinent, that's good.

If she is not responding within 24 hours, it might be worth calling her and setting things straight. There is a possibility she is not responding to anything that isn't pertinent in order to save you money.

There are decent lawyers out there, and they know that billable seconds and minutes can add up.

Even so, it's good to make sure they are on the same page with you. They work for you... .

[Duck_Borders]

Quick Update for everyone:

- my BPD ex has consistently refused court ordered visitation for me.  She always has an excuse (nurse is sick, she has plans, etc.)

- I've now met with the guardian.  Guardian was a very cool lady and I think we clicked well.  She kept me with her for almost 4.5 hours telling my side of the story and asking about family/friends/work/etc.  At one point during the initial meeting with the guardian, my uBPDx called me multiple times because I was supposed to be at her apartment building for a visit.  The guardian asked me to answer it and put on speakerphone so I did.  My uBPDx started going off on me about being late, and all of her usual manipulation etc.  I even told her at least 5 times that I was very sorry for being late, but I was with the Guardian Ad Litem and the meeting had gone longer than I expected.  She didn't clue in that the Guardian was listening for a few minutes even after repeated warnings.  Then she stopped yelling, but was still in manipulation mode saying I couldn't visit my son that day because it wasn't fair to the nurse etc.  The Guardian apologized for keeping me late and said it was important that my ex still allowed me to see my son.  Later that day when I was supposed to go for my visit, my uBPDx ignored my messages and then replied at night to me saying she forgot to give the nurse a key to the apartment.  

- Since the Guardian meeting, I've been denied many visits (I think I've only seen my son 3 times out of about 12 - each time there is an excuse, it's never a flat out denial of visitation)

- My uBPDx took over a week to setup her meeting with the Guardian.  The guardian even told her assistant to ensure they get my ex in quickly because she was worried she would be a problem.

- I've also met with the court appointed therapist once.  That was a great experience.  We clicked very well and I enjoyed talking with her.  She actually let me stay for an extra hour because my story is pretty crazy and I think she was interested in it and also enjoyed talking to me.



One concern I have:  My therapist chuckled at the MMPI2 Test, saying that it doesn't work on a personality disorder because they just lie about everything.  Is there anything I can do in co-parenting counselling (which we should be starting soon) to make sure that the therapist there see's the crazy in my ex?  



Thanks,

Duck

[livednlearned]

One concern I have:  My therapist chuckled at the MMPI2 Test, saying that it doesn't work on a personality disorder because they just lie about everything.  Is there anything I can do in co-parenting counselling (which we should be starting soon) to make sure that the therapist there see's the crazy in my ex?  

The MMPI-2 is a pretty well-validated test -- there are members here who's partners were diagnosed by that test. Or, if they were not diagnosed by the test, the results said, "Results suggest that person X is presenting falsely."

Zoom out a little when you're thinking about these tactics. You're looking for data points. The documented pattern of behavior is probably the most important, followed by third-party professional testimony (GAL, CE, PC, etc.). Your judge has already implied she understands PD behavior.

So getting a positive diagnosis could be a less meaningful data point given your context.

Plus, don't forget that in many courts, even a diagnosis has to be linked to adverse affects on the child. Someone with a mental illness is not the problem. It's when that mental illness impacts the well-being of the child.

If you were to get a positive diagnosis, in many courts, you would still need an expert witness who would testify that BPD mothers have an adverse impact on the child in xyz ways.

I have an excellent therapist who weighed in on my case, and I even gave permission for my lawyer and therapist to talk. At several points along the way, my lawyer and her associate said, "With all due respect, T is a really good therapist, but she is not licensed to practice law no more than we are licensed to do therapy."

The MMPI-2 is a tactical/legal tool in a larger strategy. Like all tools, it needs to be considered in light of the bigger context.

[ForeverDad]

Someone with a mental illness is not the problem. It's when that mental illness impacts the well-being of the child.

This is an important concept.  For example, imagine if she were an alcoholic.  Court wouldn't see that as much of an issue... .unless she drove drunk with the child, neglected or abused the child, that risk would definitely impact the child.

Court knows there are messed up people out there but it knows few will change by very much for the better.  It handles them as they are for the most part.  That means you may not get anyone to make your ex change or even try.  Their solution is to make orders, set schedules, rules, boundaries, etc.  Right now it's exceedingly hard to do with her still largely in charge and so entitled.  But as the orders kick in you can strengthen your boundaries, step up more and more.

[livednlearned]

What sealed the deal in my case is that my ex could not, would not follow the order. The judge is actually considered the supreme witness in a case. Ideally, your supreme witness starts to wonder why in the heck this person is not carrying out the court's orders. And if your case goes anything like mine, the target swivels from you to the judge, and that's when things really melt down for the pwBPD.

Normal, reasonable people follow the court's authority. People with BPD who are triggered and dysregulated do not, or cannot, or will not.

And your ex is delivering that to you on a silver platter.

[Duck_Borders]

Hey Guys,

So... .things have been getting worse over the last 2 weeks.  I think my son's nurse is actively trying to collect evidence on me, my uPDx is going into full hatred towards me mode, and now the Guardian appears to be getting annoyed with me.  Here are a few more specifics:

Nurse:

In the last 2 weeks has told me:

- when I let my son cry for more than 3 seconds I'm giving him internal bleeding in the brain (due to his medical condition).  This is already confirmed to be false by neurologist.

- that I let him fall asleep in a dangerous way and "it's her word against mine" (he didn't even fall asleep)

- Threatened to quit several times because I want to take my son to my apartment

- that I will get my son sick by having his shirt off while changing diaper (uPDx later messaged me on court website telling me I got my son sick by taking his shirt off)

- This nurse literally stands over me part of the time looking for anything she can find to write in her notes that i'm bad


uPDx:

- is being absolutely terrible to me, but around others she is wonderful

- i'm concerned that Dr's and specialists who only spend 5 minutes with her will tell the Guardian how wonderful she was.  Guardian has told me she's talking to all Dr's now.

- behind closed doors she's a disgusting human being towards me.  I always try to remain calm and emotionless when dealing with her.  Occasionally she gets to me (I had a pimple near my lip the other day and she asked me how my herpes was, so I looked at her crotch and asked her the same.  After the nurse was freaking out at me about something I asked her if she believed in Karma.  Those are my 2 worst snaps in 2016)


Guardian:

- My ex is throwing constant accusations at me.  I always concisely and professionally defend myself.  Guardian appears to be getting annoyed with the constant back and forth.  Guardian does not appear to be aware that the constant back and forth is not a regular situation between 2 divorcee's and is not a two way street

- Guardian is telling me not to argue with ex, especially in front of Dr's.  I professionally submitted to Guardian that I'm not arguing, I'm only giving the Dr's what I believe to be more accurate information as I've found my ex does not always give them the full truth (I know she doesn't tell them the truth because she's ducking crazy, but obviously I can't just come out and say that to Guardian)

- Guardian just replied with more assumptions that I'm arguing with my ex. 

- My lawyer told me to stop emailing with the Guardian for now (only 2 emails so far), because the Guardian is working on two other high conflict cases just with my lawyer alone and she doesn't want her to get overwhelmed and annoyed. 

So here's a question - what the heck is the point of having a guardian if she's overwhelmed and annoyed?  That was a great $5,000 spent... .

So, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm shocked that this insane system promotes and rewards personality disorders to abuse their spouses and children.  And I keep hearing the same excuse from "professionals" working in the system - they're overworked, there's not enough resources, these are complicated matters, etc... .    Yet not one person has taken the simple step of setting aside a few hours to review the mounds of evidence I have (and my ex doesn't have) showing a clear cut, top of the line personality disorder at work here.  Meanwhile, my son suffers daily abuse in one form or another, and I am slowly having my soul eaten by this waste of skin. 

What the heck am I supposed to do?  Any advice is greatly appreciated.  I think I'm at my boiling point.  In closing, I found this last night which I believe pretty accurately sums up most of men on this website.  (Disclaimer: I think personality disorders affect men and women equally, I think society does not treat the falsely accused equally)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOP793671p0

Thanks,

Duck

What sealed the deal in my case is that my ex could not, would not follow the order. The judge is actually considered the supreme witness in a case. Ideally, your supreme witness starts to wonder why in the heck this person is not carrying out the court's orders. And if your case goes anything like mine, the target swivels from you to the judge, and that's when things really melt down for the pwBPD.

Normal, reasonable people follow the court's authority. People with BPD who are triggered and dysregulated do not, or cannot, or will not.

And your ex is delivering that to you on a silver platter.

[Duck_Borders]

I have another question for you guys:

I have been communicating with my uPDx on a court appointed website, that the Guardian Ad Litem is now reading.  Apparently she reads all of the messages at the end of the week. 

My uPDx constantly does a few things on this site:

1)  Always changes my time with my son.  It's supposed to be 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM.  She changes it more often than not, sometimes she'll only change it by 15 minutes, just to mess with me.  I always tell her that I would prefer that we kept the schedule the same every day as instructed by the judge so that I can plan around it.  She never replies to me when I ask why she needs to change it or tell her that I prefer to keep it the same. 

2)  She will make false accusations against me, and then when I reply with facts, she just doesn't reply and ignores me.

3)  She constantly cancels my time with my son.  When I ask her to provide a reason, she just ignores my message. 


I'm worried that by constantly challenging her, by asking her for a reason why she wants to change the time or why she has to cancel my time, I will be viewed as argumentative by the Guardian.  Should I continue to asking her for reasons, or just accept that she's always going to cancel and will never provide a reason (because there is none).  I don't want to piss the Guardian off, and apparently the Guardian already seems to think that I'm arguing with my uPDx. 

Thanks for the help.

Duck

[Suzn]

Duck does your son require a nurse be present for the 4 hours of your visit, if so can you get a nurse of your own for your scheduled visitation times? It seems this would alleviate a lot of stress for you. Using the basis that the current nurse threatens to quit if she is required to go to your home. Will you need a nurse of your own when this case is settled and your son is spending more time with you?

Another thought, are there classes in your area that you could take that would "educate" you in your son's care? A lot of hospitals or healthcare organizations offer classes to help parents with special needs children if a nurse isn't necessarily needed 24/7.

my son suffers daily abuse in one form or another

Can you elaborate?

1)  Always changes my time with my son.  It's supposed to be 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM.  She changes it more often than not, sometimes she'll only change it by 15 minutes, just to mess with me.  I always tell her that I would prefer that we kept the schedule the same every day as instructed by the judge so that I can plan around it.  She never replies to me when I ask why she needs to change it or tell her that I prefer to keep it the same.

Duck will 15 minutes be a sticking point for a judge? Probably not. If there are concerns that you are "argumentative" (you yourself are concerned) it may be helpful to show that you are more flexible and communicative. If this is just to mess with you it's working. Stop yourself when you feel your emotions rising, take a few deep breaths and respond with a more flexible response.

2)  She will make false accusations against me, and then when I reply with facts, she just doesn't reply and ignores me.

As hard as it is, it may be good not to respond to these at all. Document them and speak with your attorney about anything that you need to respond to. I would not defend myself in regards to false allegations on a website without the guidance of my attorney. Not only does this look argumentative but it could get you in hot water if you inadvertently say the wrong thing.  

3)  She constantly cancels my time with my son.  When I ask her to provide a reason, she just ignores my message.  

She is providing documentation for every time she has denied access on a website that everyone involved reads, correct? Each time this happens this a strike against her, not you.

I'm worried that by constantly challenging her, by asking her for a reason why she wants to change the time or why she has to cancel my time, I will be viewed as argumentative by the Guardian.  Should I continue to asking her for reasons, or just accept that she's always going to cancel and will never provide a reason (because there is none).  I don't want to piss the Guardian off, and apparently the Guardian already seems to think that I'm arguing with my uPDx.  

I would stop asking. Show you are as flexible as you can be without giving up time with your son. Meaning, if she's 15 minutes late be more accepting. If you are denied access for no reason document it without any back and forth. Ask your attorney if you should document this on this website or simply keep this in personal records. If a simple "arrived at 10:00am, access denied, no reason given" instead of you asking why.

Duck your situation is frustrating, most divorces with visitation issues are even with non PD'd parents. This part of the process will not last forever.

 

[livednlearned]

Hey Duck,

I hear a lot of (understandable) frustration, and not a whole lot of problem solving. It's not fair, it's also the system you're working with.

These are not necessarily ideas you should do, just ways to think about conflict so that you don't end up becoming part of the problem.

Problem: Ex keeps feeding bad info to the doctors.

Solution: Get correct info to the doctors. Explain you don't want to create unnecessary conflict, and also have a different point of view about what is going on with your son. Ask them if they would prefer you submit that information some other way.

Problem: Nurse is antagonistic and doesn't like you.

Solution: Validate her expertise and see if you can get on her page. Or look into getting your own nurse if the relationship is too far gone.

Problem: Ex is talking to the doctors

Solution: This is a good thing (!)

You have to look at this through the eyes of the system. They see a lot of people who cannot solve their own problems, so they end up in court where everyone wishes the parents could just sort this stuff out and do what's best for the child. It's hard to do this with a BPD parent, so the best you can do is show efforts to minimize conflict while focusing on your son. You are not only documenting what your ex is doing wrong, you are documenting what you are doing right.

And absolutely, the burden is on you. This isn't fair and it's not fun and it's exhausting and stressful and people will give her a lot of second chances and give you none. You have to dig deep and bring the emotional maturity to your case that your ex can't bring. That's what everyone expects from you as the non-disordered parent.

[Want_an_End]

I was just reading your posts.

A few things that caught my eye:

-   She claimed her father abused her. Most borderlines have been abused, so is probably true. You will not be able to recruit him, since he wouldn’t want her talking about the abuse. He may be a potential danger to your son.

-   I love how you mention your father’s new wife is in her 30s. I just thought that was funny.

-   You said something about starving/actress model. So perhaps you have experience living in the fast lane. My advice is to let it go. Live clean. Don’t be attracted to her. Don’t be attracted to the fast lane rational such as, “I need this to blow off steam.” “She is hot.” Be corny. Danny from Full House. Children need corny parents.

My advice also is to stop talking to her. She’s getting in your head. Take whatever visitations the court gives you and climb up from there. Get a private investigator, periodically, to check up on her. If you truly feel that she is a danger, save your son. Do whatever it takes to save your son. But, don’t even try to talk rationally to her. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t reply to a text.

You asked how to get over it. My advice: Stay away and stay clean (I know you are not an addict, but don’t slip on anything. Take it one day at a time. By this time, next year, she will be a memory and not a feeling. You will be able to completely detach.