Silent treatment is killing me

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I truly believe that what I'm going through after a sudden extreme rage discard after a 6 month recycle after a 2.5 year relationship is a prolonged silent treatment. I could be wrong, but that is what my gut said when she cut it off and blocked me everywhere. Before my anxieties got involved. Now it's just actually driving me crazy. I think this is worse than the bread crumbing during our first break up. The silence through the holidays killed me. And the silence through her daughters birthday killed. I'm sure it's not going to be forever but man, she knew this would hurt and she really touched a nerve.
Each day I jump back and forth wildly with whether I would give the relationship another go. as of right this minute, if she decided to give it another go I would probably do it. Because I miss the hood in our relationship. And her kids. Before anyone says, yes I'm working with a therapist. And they are very much not stoked about me giving it another chance. But we are working towards limiting my codependent tendencies, and how to best deal with my pwbpd's behaviors.
I'm pretty sure that this silent treatment, forced N/C is an upping of the ante from the avoidant ignoring behavior first time around. In my last posts this blocking all contact was implied to be punitive after I said some mean, but true things to her. A way for her to escape accountability, avoid shame, and maintain control of the narrative. It bugged her that I had blocked her on Facebook first break up and threatened to block her number. In her mind"I'm gonna do it first" she said as much. I'm confused that if she wants to maintain control of "her object" I.e. me, why she would go extended no contact. She's well aware that it helps people move on. I told her that's what I wanted during the first break up if we weren't getting back together. And she would never give it to me.
I dunno. Just my thoughts on my whole situation. Posting on her helps me to organize my thoughts a bit. Like
journaling. Thank you all for the kindness and words support and encouragement. No matter what someone

[pipefitter]

I truly believe that what I'm going through after a sudden extreme rage discard after a 6 month recycle after a 2.5 year relationship is a prolonged silent treatment. I could be wrong, but that is what my gut said when she cut it off and blocked me everywhere. Before my anxieties got involved. Now it's just actually driving me crazy. I think this is worse than the bread crumbing during our first break up. The silence through the holidays killed me. And the silence through her daughters birthday killed. I'm sure it's not going to be forever but man, she knew this would hurt and she really touched a nerve.
Each day I jump back and forth wildly with whether I would give the relationship another go. as of right this minute, if she decided to give it another go I would probably do it. Because I miss the hood in our relationship. And her kids. Before anyone says, yes I'm working with a therapist. And they are very much not stoked about me giving it another chance. But we are working towards limiting my codependent tendencies, and how to best deal with my pwbpd's behaviors.
I'm pretty sure that this silent treatment, forced N/C is an upping of the ante from the avoidant ignoring behavior first time around. In my last posts this blocking all contact was implied to be punitive after I said some mean, but true things to her. A way for her to escape accountability, avoid shame, and maintain control of the narrative. It bugged her that I had blocked her on Facebook first break up and threatened to block her number. In her mind"I'm gonna do it first" she said as much. I'm confused that if she wants to maintain control of "her object" I.e. me, why she would go extended no contact. She's well aware that it helps people move on. I told her that's what I wanted during the first break up if we weren't getting back together. And she would never give it to me.
I dunno. Just my thoughts on my whole situation. Posting on her helps me to organize my thoughts a bit. Like
journaling. Thank you all for the kindness and words support and encouragement. No matter what someone

[ForeverDad]

I'm sure you've heard that it takes time for what you know in your head to find it's way to your heart.  Well, some version like that.

Since you already had a recycle or two already, and may have yet another one soon, I'd like to share with you a post I originally made many years ago.  I remember trying to watch Start Trek in the late 60's on a broken TV and an iffy antenna...

This has been said many times that I don't know if there is an original quote to cite, but I remember on Star Trek the  Enterprise's engineer Scotty finally exclaimed to those on the Bridge, speaking of the Klingons trying to lure the Enterprise away from Captain Kirk and the landing party on a second false distress signal, "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me!"

Something to ponder.