Where do I even begin?...

[Peanutbuttercup]

After spending the last 10+ years trying to figure out what is wrong in my marriage, (married 38 years)  I finally tripped over an article that is the definition of my life.  10 signs you are married to someone with a personality disorder.  It’s my life.  But now I wonder, how can I be sure?  Is it arrogant to make this evaluation?  What do I know?  It’s hard to even know where to begin.  I’m hoping to find direction on this site.  I’m with a therapist now and hoping she can validate my suspicion.  He is with a therapist (6 months in) and offers nothing.  Nothing.  No feedback at all.  Won’t talk about it.  Where do I even begin?... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CryWolf]

He is with a therapist (6 months in) and offers nothing.  Nothing.  No feedback at all.  Won’t talk about it.  Where do I even begin?... .

Welcome PeanutButterCup! 

The only way you can be sure if they have BPD or any disorder is if they become diagnosed by a professional. But there will still be some misdiagnosis unfortunately. there are a lot of BPD traits that you can compare and deduce, however. Also, maybe he is afraid to admit he has BPD to you after his therapy sessions? People with BPD do have a fear of abandonment and also sense of shame. If this may not be the case, you guys might want to switch therapists? Not every therapist know what they are doing unfortunately.

Im glad you got to post here, and share your story with us. This site will provide you with ton of information, and knowledge to help you with your situation and cope in anyway you can. There are tools listed above the page, please look them over as they are there to help in relationships with those who have BPD. The tools are not 100% proof but they do seem to help a majority here.

What signs do you see in your partner that makes you feel they have BPD? Just asking to better understand your situation and being able to help you.

Also look into reading, "stop walking on eggshells" when you get the chance. As always, do your best to keep this website hidden from your partner as it may cause some negative emotions on their end.

[isilme]

Peanutbuttercup,

Hi there. This is not a cancer diagnosis where very specific treatment is the only way to go.  So, that's the good news.  The tools on this site will help you in almost ANY overly dramatic relationship, where fights, feelings, and facts all intermingle and get muddled.

Also, while it's almost impossible to get w therapist to 100% state, "Yup, its BPD, look at this test," I think if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and flys south for the winter, even if it's a goose, treating it like a duck will probably suffice, and be a lot better than say, treating it like a poodle.

BPD is a spectrum of reactions and behaviors.  Some people are higher or lower functioning, some are more prone to being perpetual victims, some are closer to being sociopaths (my mother and father exhibited their BPD in different ways, but I can still see how they both have it). 

Try not to focus on the exact diagnosis.  BPD can exist with depression, anxiety, body dysphoria, insomnia, bipolar disorder, and a slew of other comorbid conditions.  But overall, it's an emotional disability, where feelings = facts, and our natural inclinations to use facts to end an argument only serve to blow it up.

Instead of worrying about your suspicions, just take it as a high possibility or you'd not even be here, and see how you can move forward. 

What kinds of things happen to make you feel it's BPD?  How do you react to them?