After 3 pwBPD relationships I guess im just jaded..

[UVA2002]

... .because I'm seeing to many of you guys letting people off the hook because of BPD. You are not getting over them because just like me Many times you feel sorry deep down because of the diagnosis. You need to be real and this is going to sound mean unsympathetic and prob get me banned but here it goes this is what YOU NEED.  Quit feeling sorry for them or trying so say " they have BPD so it's ok so I can't understand. " These are bad people. Next to violent criminals probably the least kind of people you want in you ur life. They know what there doing and when you're aware of your actions that makes them responsible not the diagnosis. I'm 40 have dated girls like this and every time you  could script it exactly the same. I can't imagine being abused at some point in my life to make me go through life this way but that's no excuse for bad behavior. Quit trying to help the pwBPD and look at them in a realistic light. The BPD makes then the opposite of a good person and be happy you can escape because believe me there is an accident waiting to happen with all of them and u do not want to be here when it does. Close the door lock it and don't look back there is no help for them only you. Wonder why it's a year later and you still hurt... .you still haven't seen them for what they are yet . Look into their eyes it's a dark abyss unfortunately and what comes around goes around BPD or not I've seen it many times.  I promise all of you when you see this BPD person down the road ( and most come back) you'll look and them and cannot believe this is a person you would even speak to much less give a portion of your soul .PEACE

[once removed]

who is letting anyone off the hook for their actions or using a disorder as an excuse? thats not really what we are about here.

what we are about is better understanding of BPD. you might ask, if this is the Detaching board, what is the point?

a balanced perspective goes a long way in terms of a relationship post mortem, ie "how did i end up here", and learning lessons going forward. it also helps inform us when we advise others who make their way here, and want to better understand. and eventually, as we are able, we begin to turn the focus to ourselves.

you say you have been in three such relationships, UVA2002. there are clearly lessons not yet learned. black and white thinking is probably not your answer. what led you to, and kept you in three relationships with people you now see as evil? what have you learned that makes you more emotionally available to healthy relationships in the future?

i do feel sorry for my ex. she has a mental illness she never asked for, and it may be, for her, impossible, to achieve what she wants most: to love and be loved, and to love herself. thats tragic. shes also a grown woman, responsible for her decisions, capable of getting help, and frankly, not my "problem" anymore.

you see, its not all black and white