I feel much better. I am starting to feel happy again, altough thinking of him hurts a lot and makes me sad. I have seen him twice since: Both times I came to our flat so he could see his daughter.
Next week we'll go to couples counseling and I want to be prepared to tell him what had gone wrong for me in our relationship.
Thanks for your interest and your food for thought. I'm still in the thinking process, need some more days to consider all what you wrote and all what I feel and wish. I am going trough your quetsions first.
Honestly, I would count his actions as a victory and enjoy a few days rest.
No, I'm out here. I don't want to battle anymore. No fights, no victories, no defeat.
Perhaps a bigger question, what are you hoping to accomplish by taking a break?
First, I had to get myself and our daugther out of the fireline. There was toxic silence between him and me the last days. It wasn't bearable anymore. I wasn't able to think clearly. I know it's not a good thing to do to anyone ... .but I needed that for myself.
Do you think he would understand if you wrote it down?
I don't know. Sometimes he had moments of insight in the past. Maybe he will have more of these moments in the future, doesn't need to be now.
If he didn't understand it in small bites, do you think he could understand it in one big bite?
Surely not. So maybe I write down or tell him only the most important things that bothered me.
If you wrote it down, could you do it in a matter of fact, non-accusatory way?
I am thinking about writing down that we had a bad dynamic that made me my tip toing and eggshell walking. But I am not sure if he will still get the message then. Which is: He should get help and work on his own matters.
Can you write it down for YOU and maybe share it here or keep it in a journal? What would be the purpose of sharing it with him?
I want to make him see ... .maybe we can give it another try in some months time... .
Once you have a focused message, then we can coach you with how best to deliver it. Hint: pwBPD need to be "prepared" to hear. Deal with emotional stuff first, then deliver message... .then ask for their understanding. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Thanks. I am doing that right now. I am collecting notes and I try to bring that to paper.
What are your gut feelings? What would you like to see happen?
My gut feeling is that I want to get over with it. I am happier without him. I am sad though.
"My head is swimming right now. I am not in a place where I can explain anything to you right now. I need the time and space to get myself in order so that I can address our relationship in a more balanced manner."
You're right VOC, I need to be clear myself before I tell him. That's a really good suggestion, thanks!