My ex-girlfriend finally contact me after 21 Day NC

[TravisNYC]

Long story short - I was in a relationship for almost 2 years with a woman I suspect has BPD.  We broke up and she went NC for 21 Days.  She called me around 2AM in the morning drunk and disoriented.  I walked to where she was.  She was happy to see me and wanted to kiss etc.  I choose to walk with her and talk.

We get to a park bench and she is super sexual - mind you we haven't spoken in 21 DAYS.  I don't reject her advances, still I'm aware she is fragile and I tread as lightly as possible.  She didn't want to go home and invited me back to her place. I felt it would not be good for herself or I to take it there. 

We talk for about 2 hours she is no more sober and says she is tired and confused and empty and lonely.  I couldn't put her in a cab by herself so I take a round trip cab make sure she gets home.  I walk her to the door and let her know whatever she needs me to do I will do my best to help. I asked her to call me the next day during lunch and she did.

While we were in the relationship; I saw her mood swings and various other signs that made me think something isn't quite right. Never taking accountability for anything, lots of manipulation about ex boyfriends and being date raped.  Things didn't add up.  But, since our break I have taken a closer look at BPD.  Whereas, her therapist suggested she may have it.

I really wish I would've known this while we were in a relationship. 

My question is what do I do now?

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[Inquisitive1]

Well, I think you made the right choice not getting sexual.

Regarding what you should do, I'm guessing you have mixed feelings about it. If so, describe the conflicts to us in writing. Then we can be more helpful.

[an0ught]

Hi  TravisNYC,

21 days is a long time and then it is not a long time. 2 years is a long time and then not a long time. Breakup and makeup is normal but then too much of it is not normal. Should you continue - who knows? Do you want here back? Are you open to deal with an instable person close up? Where are you in life and where do you want to go?

You seem to have a healthy sense of what you do and what you don't do. Boundaries i.e. rules for ourselves are vital in dealing with pwBPD as we are faced with extremes that are tempting or pushing us out of a healthy an sustainable path. Respect is key in relationships with pwBPD and some distance makes it easier to maintain that. Right now you have some distance and until you have educated yourself (LESSONS post and workshops mentioned there on boundaries and validation) I would strongly suggest to keep her at arms length. It is easier to maintain boundaries than to introduce them later. Right now she wants but you are not committed.

,

a0