I'll try to make the background as short as possible.
1.5ish years with uBPDexgf. I suffer from complex PTSD (I'm now in T).
's for both of us in the beginning. We both ignored. Intense r/s. I initiated several breakups. They were ugly!
During one of the breaks a year ago, I started talking to my last ex. We were just friends, but I shouldn't have done it. The other ex is a bit uNPD. She claims to love me and shower me with gifts until she gets bored or I don't do what she wants. But, given that I felt completely rejected by my uBPDexgf, this played right into my need for ego kibble.
Got back together with the uBPD, but I didn't have the sense to stop talking to the uNPD because of the comfort she provided that the uBPD didn't. This didn't sit well, understandably, with the uBPD. Many fights followed as a result. Still I held onto the uNPD. What followed was a spiral of devaluation coupled with my talking more and more to the uNPD to get the ego kibble to maintain the r/s with the uBPD. OK, not the best of plans, I admit. But, my C-PTSD was peaked and I was in absolute survival-mode.
Finally, I ended things with the uBPD about two months ago. I spent time with the uNPD during that time because I was NC with the uBPD and I used her to soothe my pain.
A week ago, I broke NC. The communication was fairly well received. But about 70% of it seems to revolve around how horrible I was for keeping the uNPD in the r/s. I acknowledge and apologize for doing that.
uBPDexgf says that she still loves me, misses us, wants me back, but can't do anything as long as I'm still talking to uNPD. Now, NC with uNPD.
uBPD, tells me that she's now met another man and thinks that she might be interested in a r/s with him. But, she can't get past the fear of being cheated on. But, she would prefer to be with me (depending on which point in the discussion you pay attention to), if only she could get over the fear of being cheated on.
She's in T and her T confirmed that my being close friends with the uNPD was indeed cheating, but hasn't given her any advice on how to trust again.
So, she doesn't trust me and I don't trust her. Not a great start here! I'm looking for advice about building trust again. Any words of wisdom?
I know time and consistency. But, hey, when she won't see me because she doesn't trust me that's kinda hard.
Oh, and I realize that there's a possibility that she's just stringing me along for her own whatever. That's fine. I know what I'm dealing with here and keeping my emotions in check. If she wants to work on us, great. If not, I will understand and not take it too personally. I've done the self-destruct bit already.