BPD and sexual acting out

[Always27]

Horrified yet once again at the sexual acting out through technology.  We thought we had things locked down but at bedtime last night found her on her school-issued computer sexting with multiple people.  We are very early in DBT and new to BPD so can someone shed some light on this particular behavior?  The risk that she has continued to put herself at is nauseating.   The lies she tells them are shocking and we struggle to figure out what the pay-off is... .Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Always27:    
You might be interested in reading the Psychology Today articles at the links below.  What a lot of teens aren't aware of is the laws for where they live.  Some may learn the hard way that they can be brought up on charges of child pornography for some of their sexting activities.  That is only one of the many dangers.

Psychology Today:  The Dangers of Teen Sexting

Psychology Today: Sexting Teens 

[Always27]

Oh, she knows well the legal implications.  After my initial post, the police showed up.  She called them herself to tell them she was in possession of and distributing pornography.  Love those police visits.  They, just as we have, preached to her she could be up for 20 years for the felony that it is.  They questioned her as to what her motivation was by calling them without her parents knowing she had called.  She's off the rails for sure... .again.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Always27:  

I've read that Impulsive and risky behavior is often in response to fear of separation or rejection.  Has something changed recently in her life to cause anxiety or stress?  Something at school or with a friendship?

[Always27]

Yes!  We've had a very chaotic and emotional three weeks as we welcomed a new granddaughter through adoption.  We did plan ahead types of things in therapy knowing this would be a trigger for her own adoption issues.  Our new little one shares a race with our daughter and she is soo happy to see herself in this baby but all the same, tough stuff as she had a front row seat to a birth mom releasing and our son and wife receiving.  They are from out of state so have been staying in our home part time and that also adds crazy to the mix as we have 6 other grands age 7 and under.  All that to say, yes... .lots of triggers.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi again Always27   
Wow!  I can see how your daughter would have a lot of emotions to sort through. 

We did plan ahead types of things in therapy knowing this would be a trigger for her own adoption issues.  Our new little one shares a race with our daughter and she is soo happy to see herself in this baby but all the same, tough stuff as she had a front row seat to a birth mom releasing and our son and wife receiving. 

Sometime, we can learn about situations/problems when we observe what someone does, as opposed to what someone says.  Although you say your daughter seemed soo happy about the adoption of your grandchild, her sexting activity tends to indicate that it flared up her fear of abandonment and/or loss.

she had a front row seat to a birth mom releasing and our son and wife receiving.  They are from out of state so have been staying in our home part time and that also adds crazy to the mix as we have 6 other grands age 7 and under.  All that to say, yes... .lots of triggers. 

I can see that you are a very compassionate person.  Since your daughter has some very complex emotional issues, it might be possible that you will have to pull back on some of that compassion with others.  In view of the fact that your daughter has not tamed her behavior, erring on the side of preventing situations that might fuel your daughters feelings/fears of abandonment or loss is probably the best strategy.

Did you daughter have to give up her room or have someone else share her room, while the birth parents of your new adopted grandchild stay at your house?  Minimally, she has to be getting less attention.

How many people live in your household? 

[Always27]

We only have three of us in the home.  All of our other children (4 others) are out of the house.  We know that the change from the quiet environment where she is the sole focus to one where all of our children and grandchildren are around is very hard for her.  Having said that, though, we have had to come to the place where we have chosen to not sacrifice our time and relationship with our other children or the joy of experiencing our grands.  I guess you can call it self care.  Our married kids who have families don't live near us so its a few times a year that that occurs.  24/7, 365 takes a toll as you all know so well and losses are great.  We've chosen to risk set backs to not lose out on our other kid's lives.