BPD interested in sexual content normal or am I a prude?

[Tater tot]

My expwBPD and I are still friends on Facebook. After our bu he has been liking pages related to big boobs, every playboy model that has a fan site, pages devoted to half naked women, things explicitly involving f**king and becoming friends with women who post naked pictures with links leading back to hook-up sites- things that I'm shocked are even on Facebook. I'm not seeking this information out, but it shows up on my newsfeed, these are things that he is liking that are publicly showing up.

For male non's out there, is this normal as a dude? Is this normal for a pwBPD? Am I just being a prude? I know a lot of them are great in the bedroom, mine certainly was. I'm open and don't mind what you watch/do/enjoy in private, but the fact that this public just seems trashy and disrespectful to me.

Funny that he used to tell me that he didn't respect women, but that he was a changed man and wanted a family. He also used to comment on how women that posted those half naked selfies or pictures of themselves were trashy. Interesting how his tune has changed

[fromheeltoheal]

I may or may not have seen disrobed women on the internet (ahem), but men are visual and women are beautiful, dressed or not, and that was true long before the internet.

But posting all of that on Facebook represents a lack of class to me, and depending on how someone uses Facebook, I would expect it to offend some of their friends, unless their friends lack class too.  And tasteful pictures of naked women are fine in the right context, but a woman spraying her own nudity on something like Facebook lacks class too, so maybe they're made for each other, although what a preoccupation like that mostly says to me is he isn't getting laid.

One man's opinion... .

[Tater tot]

I may or may not have seen disrobed women on the internet (ahem), but men are visual and women are beautiful, dressed or not, and that was true long before the internet.

I can't argue there, and yes I have no problem with that. I guess surprised by the public-ness of it.

I think that whole issue also bothers me ultimately because it shows the mask and how he presented himself to me, or in one situation, just isn't consistent. In fact there is no consistency, not in values- interests-opinions-emotions-words-actions- and the list goes on... .

[jhkbuzz]

I may or may not have seen disrobed women on the internet (ahem), but men are visual and women are beautiful, dressed or not, and that was true long before the internet.

I can't argue there, and yes I have no problem with that. I guess surprised by the public-ness of it.

I think that whole issue also bothers me ultimately because it shows the mask and how he presented himself to me, or in one situation, just isn't consistent. In fact there is no consistency, not in values- interests-opinions-emotions-words-actions- and the list goes on... .

A classic BPD trait: the emptiness inside.  They have no idea who they are, they really don't.

[Hope0807]

Hi Tater tot,

I think what you've detailed here is quite common to see with a PD.  They often seem to seek out constant risk in a variety of forms.  This is due to their own lack of moral compass and parts of the brain that help to form a solid identity and sense of self.  I've read plenty of research that expresses the same.  In my case, nearly EVERY WORD my ex expressed for years is now turned upside down…He now communicates with people he swore he couldn't stand, he is dating a person with a distinct body type he made a point to tell me for years he found physically repulsive, he does and sells the drugs he pointed fingers and called others "lowlifes" over and over again, my list could go on and on.  

I am eternally haunted.  The loop in my memory plays constantly with every bit of who he presented himself to be and who I SEE CLEARLY NOW he TRULY is.  Yuck.

My expwBPD and I are still friends on Facebook. After our bu he has been liking pages related to big boobs, every playboy model that has a fan site, pages devoted to half naked women, things explicitly involving f**king and becoming friends with women who post naked pictures with links leading back to hook-up sites- things that I'm shocked are even on Facebook. I'm not seeking this information out, but it shows up on my newsfeed, these are things that he is liking that are publicly showing up.

For male non's out there, is this normal as a dude? Is this normal for a pwBPD? Am I just being a prude? I know a lot of them are great in the bedroom, mine certainly was. I'm open and don't mind what you watch/do/enjoy in private, but the fact that this public just seems trashy and disrespectful to me.

Funny that he used to tell me that he didn't respect women, but that he was a changed man and wanted a family. He also used to comment on how women that posted those half naked selfies or pictures of themselves were trashy. Interesting how his tune has changed

[Rise]

Tater tot, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why remain friends with him on FB in the first place? Particularly if you don't like what he's choosing to post? I agree, what he's doing sounds pretty tacky and trashy, but he has that right. The only thing you can do about it is choose not to expose yourself anymore.

[Tater tot]

Tater tot, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why remain friends with him on FB in the first place? Particularly if you don't like what he's choosing to post? I agree, what he's doing sounds pretty tacky and trashy, but he has that right. The only thing you can do about it is choose not to expose yourself anymore.

Rise- you raise an excellent point. To be honest, I think I remain friends with him to key tabs on in, basically to confirm that how he interacted and acted with me was not an isolated incident, but truly how he is. I still struggle accepting that he is disordered, so I think I want to either see A) does his pattern repeat (i.e. love bombing someone else via social media, getting into a new relationship, having it fall apart within weeks or months) which I've seen at least 3-4 instances of since our bu 5 months ago, or B) if he is capable of being in a more lasting relationship, that he isn't disordered and that it was just me or us.

Really all it does is feed the addiction to this person. I tell myself that I don't have feelings for him anymore, but yet I still notice his activities and am bothered by it. It makes me sad to see that he's not the person I had so truly believed him to be. At the end of the day it shouldn't matter and I just need to move on, not sure why I still cling to this last piece of a connection.

These relationships really have a way of twisting our minds... .at least mine anyway.

[peiper]

I would have to bet, especially since he's still on your friends list that he's trying to prove to you that he's moved on. And get your goat of course. Block him.

[pieceofme]

my ex acts that way on instagram. he follows countless accounts (i'm talking hundreds) of girls with huge breast implants, "fitness" girls who show their "progress" by posting half naked pics while laying in bed... .you get the point. he will "like" every one of those pictures and not one of his own friends. to be fair, he doesn't have many friends in real life, but i still find his behavior disgusting.

[fromheeltoheal]

Rise- you raise an excellent point. To be honest, I think I remain friends with him to key tabs on in, basically to confirm that how he interacted and acted with me was not an isolated incident, but truly how he is. I still struggle accepting that he is disordered, so I think I want to either see A) does his pattern repeat (i.e. love bombing someone else via social media, getting into a new relationship, having it fall apart within weeks or months) which I've seen at least 3-4 instances of since our bu 5 months ago, or B) if he is capable of being in a more lasting relationship, that he isn't disordered and that it was just me or us.

Yes.  I unfriended her on Facebook immediately, but as I detached and learned about the disorder her communication attempts became more and more transparent, and she looked increasingly ridiculous and I got more and more sure of myself and my own sanity as a result.

Really all it does is feed the addiction to this person. I tell myself that I don't have feelings for him anymore, but yet I still notice his activities and am bothered by it. It makes me sad to see that he's not the person I had so truly believed him to be. At the end of the day it shouldn't matter and I just need to move on, not sure why I still cling to this last piece of a connection.

Although there's a point where we've learned what we need to learn and we're hanging around anyway, might not be sure why.  For me letting go entirely meant letting the hope that that magical relationship in my head would really happen go, and it's a big leap from a shred of hope to no hope at all.  It hurts to let go of something that was the center of my world for a while, but eventually there was no choice but to take that leap.

These relationships really have a way of twisting our minds... .at least mine anyway.

Yep, that's what being emotionally enmeshed with a mental illness feels like, now we know.  Been there, done that, ain't goin' back.

[Tater tot]

I would have to bet, especially since he's still on your friends list that he's trying to prove to you that he's moved on. And get your goat of course. Block him.

I really don't think he is doing that. We had a pretty big falling out after the bu, as he wanted friendship, but then friendship really meant nothing to him, other than not wanting me to hate him. When I pushed him and pointed out that he isn't a friend (i.e. ignoring, one word responses, not asking anything about my lie) he flipped out and told me to leave him alone.

I do think he likes for the outside world to observe that he has a pretty happy life and FB is great for projecting that image.

I just need to unfriend him and move on from even the fantasy that we can even have a friendship at some point.

[Rise]

I just need to unfriend him and move on from even the fantasy that we can even have a friendship at some point.

And I'd say even if a friendship is possible at some point, now is certainly not that point. There's probably a good chance that remaining in contact right now is going to be damaging for both of you. Sometimes its best to cut your losses and not make things worse right now.

[Loveofhislife]

I am eternally haunted.  The loop in my memory plays constantly with every bit of who he presented himself to be and who I SEE CLEARLY NOW he TRULY is.  Yuck.

This thread is SO insightful.  My exbfBPD acted like QUITE the prude for an entire year.  I swear you would have thought he was the 48 year old virgin.  Women scantily clad in public were ___s.  He was disgusted by sexual gestures or language.  He made me feel like I was a "femme fatale" when, in fact I am the 50 something year old of three adult children.  EVERYONE found me sexual; I was too sexual and "experienced."  Everyone was flirting and inappropriate. Only HE loved me for who I truly was.

One month after his disappearance into thin air, my best girl friend found him on all sort of "ADULT" dating sites.  Where, oh where, did the puritanical prude go?  

[WhyMe?]

Couple of things here: I helped my exbf set up his fb account, so he was my first fb friend in late 2009. To date I have a whopping 71, it's just not my thing. We stayed fb friends till mid-summer 2013. We rarely commented or liked anything the other posted from 2011-2013. And the main reason for this was because he had 2 accounts and rarely used the one I was friends on.

I didn't delete him because there wasn't much to see and it wasn't in my face. The other reason was that I was afraid it would trigger him to talk to me again and after awhile I was pretty happy things were quiet. He's the one that deleted me when he moved everyone but me to his other account last year.

He was VERY sexual but as the poster above said, he would be disgusted by the way some women dressed or acted. Yet there were times he was completely inappropriate, ie once before we started dating he was trying on a pair of Lycra shorts and showed myself and the girl I worked with just how thin his current ones were, as if he had no idea. I mean, you could see everything and he kind of thrust himself at us. Yep that was another  

It honestly scares me even after all these years, how similar all our exes/so's are

Other thing, I have a younger male friend who just recently got on fb. One night not only did I see the notification that he "liked" Playboy, but about a dozen pix of ladies showed up in my feed I don't think he had any idea it worked that way and it never happened again after that week. If my exbf had done this, I'd feel the same way you do. This guy I felt was being a normal young single guy, albeit one who didn't know the whole world could see that haha

[Tater tot]

I just need to unfriend him and move on from even the fantasy that we can even have a friendship at some point.

And I'd say even if a friendship is possible at some point, now is certainly not that point. There's probably a good chance that remaining in contact right now is going to be damaging for both of you. Sometimes its best to cut your losses and not make things worse right now.

You are absolutely right. Perhaps one day when I can truly say I'm "detached" and probably at that point I won't even care to engage in a one sided friendship

[Tater tot]

I am eternally haunted.  The loop in my memory plays constantly with every bit of who he presented himself to be and who I SEE CLEARLY NOW he TRULY is.  Yuck.

This thread is SO insightful.  My exbfBPD acted like QUITE the prude for an entire year.  I swear you would have thought he was the 48 year old virgin.  Women scantily clad in public were ___s.  He was disgusted by sexual gestures or language.  He made me feel like I was a "femme fatale" when, in fact I am the 50 something year old of three adult children.  EVERYONE found me sexual; I was too sexual and "experienced."  Everyone was flirting and inappropriate. Only HE loved me for who I truly was.

One month after his disappearance into thin air, my best girl friend found him on all sort of "ADULT" dating sites.  Where, oh where, did the puritanical prude go?  

Unbelievable. I am who I am, so it's hard to imagine inconsistency in personality and behavior that these folks exhibit.