Where do I go from here

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

If I do receive the petition, is this likely another back in line move?
 

If she actually files and sends you a petition, the likelihood that it is a "get in line" move goes down.

Divorce threats and very common with pwBPD.  They generally like to "force" the other person to file so the pwBPD can assume victim stance and the "non" is the persecutor.

That's my answer to your question.

My real advice is to "not worry about that". If you act and speak so as to get her to not file... .or in hopes that shew won't file, you are going about this in your own dysfunctional way... .and contributing to relationship confusion and dysfunction.

You are only responsible for you.  We can help you "say what you mean and mean what you say" in a healthy way.  Your pwBPD will likely use a variety of tactics, perhaps even legal filings, to get get you back in line.  If she succeeds and getting you to return to dysfunction, your life will be far worse, than if you had never tried at all 

Spend your time thinking about you... .and how to send your message... .because ultimate that is what you control. 

What are your thoughts on this?  How do you feel after reading it?

FF

[formflier]

If I do receive the petition, is this likely another back in line move?
 

If she actually files and sends you a petition, the likelihood that it is a "get in line" move goes down.

Divorce threats and very common with pwBPD.  They generally like to "force" the other person to file so the pwBPD can assume victim stance and the "non" is the persecutor.

That's my answer to your question.

My real advice is to "not worry about that". If you act and speak so as to get her to not file... .or in hopes that shew won't file, you are going about this in your own dysfunctional way... .and contributing to relationship confusion and dysfunction.

You are only responsible for you.  We can help you "say what you mean and mean what you say" in a healthy way.  Your pwBPD will likely use a variety of tactics, perhaps even legal filings, to get get you back in line.  If she succeeds and getting you to return to dysfunction, your life will be far worse, than if you had never tried at all 

Spend your time thinking about you... .and how to send your message... .because ultimate that is what you control. 

What are your thoughts on this?  How do you feel after reading it?

FF

[ACObound]

FF,
This latest and perhaps last divorce threat come in the end of a long list of threats of not only divorce, but threats of distortion campaigns, threats of exposing conversation about co-workers that I assumed were private etc., threats of exposing "feeling = facts" items to family members etc.  All of these laced with words to as you say "force" me(the non) to do the filing.  So yes she has used a variety of tactics to get me "bank in line" and shamedly has succeeded I guess   I probably would have filed had I not learned ( or started to learn) that I was probably dealing with a uBPD

I have said in other postings that I feel bad that I learned about BPD way late in the ball game. I do feel that I contributed to the confusion of the relationship and yes in my own dysfunctional way.    I tried to reel it back in with what I learned from a vast amount of research and soul searching.  So when the sponging turned into some mirroring and trying to set some boundaries, getting joint counseling with a great counselor( I continue to see my own) it may have been to late to start the turnaround. 

You all have helped to say what you mean and mean what you say.  One boundary I set was that I was willing and able to take 100% responsibility for 50% of the distance between us Nothing but 100% will.  other boundaries set, walking away when things exploded but informing I would talk again when not so angry and others
Again, happened much later in the relationship so it is in the "making things worse before they get better" stage(which all counselors have warned about).  So I have got great help and tried the best I can on how to send my message.  That I wanted to find a way to work through this, granted sometimes clumsily, sometimes mistakenly not strictly adhering to my goals.

So I know you are right, I am only responsible for me.   Yes if feel she has successfully gotten me back in line. 
I think i hear you saying that if that event occurs, and I have not made up my mind what MY plan is and return to the dysfunction it is going to get far worse than it is now