is a relationship with a pwBPD doomed from the start?

[trevjim]

This just came across my mind, but amongst the other factors that can destroy a relationship with a pwBPD, for me it was the idolizing.

When I was idolized, I felt like the best guy ever, I felt confident, good looking. I also thought, wow this girl is really into me she is never going to get over me. I guess as the relationship went on, I got lazy with the attention and effort I put in. Maybe even on a subconscious level.

Also when we split I still held that mindset, so when my ex got with her current partner the next day, I tried to win her back, probably out jelousey, and I couldn't get my head round how someone who 'loved' me as much as her could move on and forget so quickly, and that added to the hurt.

Of course now I have knowledge about BPD that has helped.

[GustheDog]

Yes, it was doomed from the start.

I became *more* attentive with time, not less.

Being a bad partner (not that you were) might shorten the relationship, but, eventually - as 2010 wrote - "even Mother Teresa would be split black."

[mitti]

If you are prepared to put up with having your needs ignored or neglected and always be their care-giver. If you are willing to always be giving of yourself and have little to no reward for your efforts, then it wouldn't have to be, but seriously nobody enters into a r/s with those expectations.

[GustheDog]

If you are prepared to put up with having your needs ignored or neglected and always be their care-giver. If you are willing to always be giving of yourself and have little to no reward for your efforts, then it wouldn't have to be, but seriously nobody enters into a r/s with those expectations.

Sadly, I was prepared to do all of the above.  Even reducing myself to her personal, perpetual doormat couldn't keep her around.

They'll peace out when they want to - nothing you can do about it.  Sure, you can wait around - maybe for the rest of your life - to see if they come back and grace you with another dose of heartbreak.  But my view is that, if you abandon a r/s in the most hurtful, abrupt, cowardly, and callous way possible, without an explanation or an apology, the "relationship" is over.  Fortunately, this is the one choice you do get to make.

[cal644]

I also beleive that they are doomed from the start.  I gave my UBPD stbexw all the love and attention most women would die for.  But it was still never enough, If they don't love themselves you cannot fill that void reguardless of how hard you try especially over a long term rs or marriage. 

[Cumulus]

Yes, doomed for failure from the start. For me the question was how much I was able to allow ( those boundaries again ), how much time and effort could I invest, and finally reaching a point where I knew either we would both drown or I could try and save myself.