A Beautiful Valentine's Goodbye

[nolisan]

 I had a few panges and twinges on Valentines Day - recalling last year and my 1 year r/s with a cPTSD/BPD witch/queen. A year of extasy and agony - something I will never forget and something that has been transformative.

But the r/s ended suddenly. There was no closure. Lots of unanswered questions and mystery. Strict NC (she threatened to involve the police if I tried). I have maintained that for 4 months and it is for the best.

But ... .  there is phanton pain. Like feeling pain in a leg that has been amputated and is long gone.

So last night I laid awake thinking of her; the darkness and the light. Finally I fell into a fitful sleep. In the morning I had a really vivid dream.

We were at a resort. Somehow I heard that one of her spiritual leaders had died and there was a bus leaving for the funeral in  a few minutes. We rushed to get our things together and headed for the bus. I forgot something and ran back to get it and then ran to catch the bus.

It was pulling away. I saw her in the window. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other. We gave each other a gentle wave as the bus pulled away. I knew I would never see her again.

I woke up right then. A warm wave of acceptance and closure swept through my body. We had parted as friends - the way it was meant to be - the soul love we had for each other below the stormy seas of mental illness and ego. Our true selves.

Goddbye my friend - fare ye well. I'll love you forever.

[Somewhere]

You have a good heart.

Good bye my friend, indeed.

Go dream other dreams, and better.

[Changed4safety]

That is beautiful, thank you for sharing! 

Your words, "the soul love we had for each other, underneath the stormy seas of mental illness and ego," I believe in such things, and I believe you touched it. 

Turn away from the bus and stride toward your own adventure.