reverse a break up caused by someone elses manipulation

[Hedgeh0g]

I've been friends for years with a guy who has BPD we were that close I could get through to him when no one else could but our relationship changed he was even talking about us looking for a place together then I listened to the advice of someone I thought was a friend she said that he'd told her despite us agreeing together in the beginning to take our time that he didn't think I was really interested in him and she advised me to push him hard as I had no idea how to deal with him as a lover which I did, it wound up pushing him away (she lied). She played us off against each other to stop us being together and manipulated both of us which I have only just found out and I can't tell him as I will just sound like a jealous ex even though I have proof. He was lodging with her when we first got together but he moved out she convinced him as I am far from well if he lived at mine it would cause me problems so he was sleeping in his car while we were together she wouldn't even let him sleep on her bed settee on the coldest nights but once we split she then let him sleep on her settee. He was meant to move into a flat near me but out of the blue a room he already tried for and been turned down suddenly phoned him and offered him the room which funnily enough is near her place and miles away from me. I do love him very much and I want him back but I don't know how without making things worse I'm far from well myself and the situation is making me much worse I desperately need some help and advice before I wind up even more ill I know now I trusted the wrong advice as she now has what she wanted which was to stop us being together can someone help me please

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[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Hedgeh0g,

Welcome here! Although I m sorry it has been under such sad circumstances.

How are you doing today?

Have you heard from your ex since you posted last?

[Turkish]

A 3rd party selfishly inserting herself into your r/s certainly complicates things. Her actions were deliberate. His,.being BPD, were probably more driven by lack of impulse control or his core fear of abandonment, which she may have fed. She's the outlier, and you know her motivations, not much you can do about her.

How much have you learned about BPD? The behaviors are often what we react to, but we can be proactive by understanding and validating their core fears. I thought I did a good job with my former SO, until our r/s went off the rails, and the old methods no longer worked. Maybe this can help for a start:

The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship

Validation of his feelings can go a long way. If you communicate, start with validation (see here for more) and resist the urge to talk too much about your feelings or the situation at first.

T.