Changing my thoughts.

[DreamerGirl]

If you are like me, we expect to be Respected, especially because that is how we treat other people.

I have only recently changed this thought process which has actually changed my behaviour.

He is the exception to my rule.  I treat all others how I expect to be treated, with respect.  If I give my word, I mean it. 

But, over the last few months I have detached, with love, and when he does his Silent Treatment on me, which is frequent, I just honestly now smile and say to myself, no I havent done anything wrong here, I will not be sucked into the Rabbit Hole, and then I feel myself relax and go about my normal day.  Not obsessing about, what Did I say, Do wrong, etc... .

I just ignore his silence these days, I do my my own thing, and then when he gets over his sulks and eventually contacts me in some form, I respond lightly and happily and if he wants to pursue me, then he can.  But I am not going to chase after him just because in his mind I have rejected or done something that was worth punishing me for.  I will not give him that power over my moods, anymore. 

Sometimes, out of the blue, when I think everything is great, he will shoot an insult at me.  An example:  I love you baby, even though your body is getting saggy with age.  But I love every part of you, saggy bits and all.  You are beautiful to me.

This is coming from a Man who is older than me who has a bit of a pot belly and takes very little pride in his appearance.  I look after myself and am pretty proud of my body but there have been times he has made me feel self conscious, saggy or out of shape.

But not for the last few months, I have really changed my thought process.

I am happy with who I am.  I keep reminding myself of this when I have any doubt because of his hurtful words.

There are so many men in this world who I could have a wonderful life with.  I know this, but I choose him, at this time, but, I might change him one day.  That's my choice, not his.  I'm the one who worked hard to have self confidence, and I will not let him destroy that, just because he has no self worth.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Craydar]

Do you really think you will change him? Is he in therapy? It's virtually impossible to change someone's fundamental nature so be careful going down this path. Without a significant life changing event or therapy not much will change a person.

[DreamerGirl]

Craydar no, I do not think or expect I will or can change him.

I mysefl have changed since meeting him.  He has changed, a little but not hugely.

This is about me, realizing he is what he is, I choose to be with him, at this stage, I do not expect to change him, only myself.