Hi blackorchid,
From my experience the only way to stay sane in these relationships is to take care of yourself and find a way to be less enmeshed. What are activities that you love?  :)o you have friends around? I know that you relocated to be with your BPD. What are the little things in life that can keep you calm and happy when he's not there.
Obviously I am a little too good at this because I have stayed with a husband who treats me badly at times and I can still find sanity so maybe I am not the best person to ask
... .
Sending you all the hugs in the world and will ask around about the skype/ phone therapist today (as promised).
I never cut off contact from my husband completely so I find that a loving message (whether well received or not) is worth its weight in gold... . again I may not be the best person to ask because my relationship perpetuates despite the fact that my uBPDh needs treatment. Then again, I also do not accept the abuse anymore... . so that's something at least