Preparing to Leave

[Mike76]

I have been married to my dBPDw for the past 5.5 years. 

I have what I am capable to make this work my marriage work but I have decided to leave.

Next week at MC, I will share with wife that I can not longer continue our marriage.  This is going to be a shock and surprise for her.   I am concerned about her reaction, but I am ready for the worst.   

The reason for my posting and my biggest fear is the following.   I am having an extreme feeling of guilt.   I have a plan, I have support, and I feel I will figure out a new plan in life. 

My wife on the other hand is going to be lost and confused.  She hates her family, and really has no friends.   I realize it is also about me also, and that is part of the reason I am still stuck here, but I still feel this guilt.

[Knowingishalf]

I feel for you, I have just enacted my exit plan a few weeks ago.  I was overwhelmed with guilt leading up to the actual day.  I at one point sat down and considered unpacking the car, and giving up my plan.  I felt so bad for what I was doing to my wife, she had alienated her family, and most of her friends, and doesn't have the means or responsibility to take care of her self most times.  Oh and out of all the possible outcomes of telling her she surprised me and took the least likely... .

One thing I did not do was give her any warning, if I had I am afraid my plans would have been cut short and I wouldn't be out now. 

I think you need to be strong for you in this.  It appears you are really set in your plan and that is awesome.  I understand the guilt, that is the hardest part.  You need to stay strong for you it sounds like you have a good support structure lined up to help you out.  If this is what you want, I think at some point you will need to have to stop worrying about taking care of her emotional needs going forward as well.

Good Luck this isn't something that is easy even when it seems so clearly to make sense.