yes or no

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I made daughter a dentist appointment for July, right before her 1st birthday. I emailed ex about it in February. He basically responded that I was trying to out parent him, manipulate him, I was abusive yada, I'm not allowed to make appointments, READ the order, etc. A month later I emailed him again about it no response. A few weeks ago I emailed him again about it, he said he already responded in February, that kids didn't need dentist appointments until they were 4, and that he would prove it at her next well child visit. Well he didn't ask the Dr( the Dr told us in January to make her an appointment) ( he doesn't remember that). I emailed him and said I needed clarification about whether he was saying yes or no to a dentist appointment. He responded with " if you could actually read you would know what I'm saying". We have joint custody. Do you think its right for me to keep this appointment for her. I have notified him numerous times so he can go. We have our final hearing a week after her appointment, I am afraid he will say I am making unilaterally decisions he doesn't agree to.

[rarsweet]

I made daughter a dentist appointment for July, right before her 1st birthday. I emailed ex about it in February. He basically responded that I was trying to out parent him, manipulate him, I was abusive yada, I'm not allowed to make appointments, READ the order, etc. A month later I emailed him again about it no response. A few weeks ago I emailed him again about it, he said he already responded in February, that kids didn't need dentist appointments until they were 4, and that he would prove it at her next well child visit. Well he didn't ask the Dr( the Dr told us in January to make her an appointment) ( he doesn't remember that). I emailed him and said I needed clarification about whether he was saying yes or no to a dentist appointment. He responded with " if you could actually read you would know what I'm saying". We have joint custody. Do you think its right for me to keep this appointment for her. I have notified him numerous times so he can go. We have our final hearing a week after her appointment, I am afraid he will say I am making unilaterally decisions he doesn't agree to.

[GaGrl]

Keep the appointment. Your ex can't even give you a straight answer. Do what is best for the child ,and let his nonsensical emails provide documentation of the difficulty you have in communicating with him over what should be a simple and obvious decision.

Just my opinion, but I would not have pursued agreement with him after the second attempt.

[rarsweet]

It was February 25, march 30, April 22, April 30 I emailed him. And yes that's the thing, he just rants. I only said daughter needs a dentist appointment by her first birthday, Dr so and so is the only pediatric dentist in the area, he takes her insurance, I made her an appointment for such and such day. And he flipped. So I emailed just the recommendations from the american academy of pediatric dentistry, and he told me "stop reading the so called internet, they only say that when kids have insurance so they make more money",so I ask what is he saying, yes or no, so he says I can't read . Well all he did was rant not actually say anything.

[Panda39]

You did your job, you notified him X4 that is more than sufficient.  In the future once is quite enough, he can come or not the choice is up to him.

Just an FYI my SO's uBPDxw liked to cancel appointments that he made... .so as it gets close be sure to confirm the appointment with the dentist's office.

[Godslove]

Keep it. I just read this from the article above.

Often parents are confused about the definition of joint legal custody. They interpret it to mean that every little decision about the children must be discussed with the other parent before taking action. For example, they think that they must get permission from the other parent

before taking the child to the doctor, or perhaps even to make the doctor’s appointment. Team Works provides a definition for legal custody to its readers, “The parents shall share Joint Legal Custody of their child(ren). This means that each parent shall have the

duty to consult with the other on the major decisions  affecting the lives of their child(ren) regardless of

which parent has physical custody. ... .Both parents shall inform the other parent of

any major decisions for the children that relate to health, education or welfare of the children. One parent does not have to get approval from the other parent every time they take the children to the doctor. Sending a note after the doctor’s appointment is usually

appropriate. Invite the other parent to take the child to the doctor, or arranging for the parents to take children

on alternate visits. This can all be agreed upon in advance.

[livednlearned]

Do you need to have his permission to make D a dentist appointment? My L told me to do what was best for S13, and notify N/BPDx. This included time when we had joint legal custody. In most states, joint legal applies to major medical, therapeutic, and education decisions. Well-child check and dentist appointments are routine, they don't require joint decisions.

Courts care about the kids, not the bickering parents. If your ex stood up in court and said that you made a dentist appointment without his consent, the judge would recognize him as a problem parent.

Most normal parents want their kids to get what they need, they don't obstruct every little thing for the sake of conflict.

[ForeverDad]

No dental visits until age 4? No way!  My son needed dental work about 16 months of age.  Wait to age 4 is hogwash.

The others have given informed advice.  In some cases if the order is inadequate "it is easier to ask forgiveness than to get permission".  In something like this you listen to the professionals (doctor, dentist, etc) rather than the extreme demands of the ex.

[ugghh]

You will eventually learn to stop asking his permission.  As always make sure you use email to document everything.