You can't get blood from a turnip

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My Irish grandfather had a lot of saying, but this one keeps coming up in relation to my hwBPD: "You can't get blood from a turnip".
In other words, he can't give what he doesn't have.
He can't give me empathy, validation and kindness, on a consistent, on going basis. He can give those vital trust building experiences occasionally, but not enough to sustain a healthy marriage.
When I am in a place of acceptance this revelation brings me much peace. The same revelation, when I am in a place of anguish, just makes me furious and I am unwilling to believe his negligence and withholding isn't intentional!

[Ysabel]

My Irish grandfather had a lot of saying, but this one keeps coming up in relation to my hwBPD: "You can't get blood from a turnip".
In other words, he can't give what he doesn't have.
He can't give me empathy, validation and kindness, on a consistent, on going basis. He can give those vital trust building experiences occasionally, but not enough to sustain a healthy marriage.
When I am in a place of acceptance this revelation brings me much peace. The same revelation, when I am in a place of anguish, just makes me furious and I am unwilling to believe his negligence and withholding isn't intentional!

[ortac77]

Like the saying :-)

I think its impossible for a BPD sufferer, and its hard because it is natural to expect those from a loved one. I still have the expectation but am slowly learning that I cant get 'bread from the hardware store'

Its all down to acceptance as you say, when I am accepting I know that if I want validation, empathy that I have to look to friends who understand. But I cant maintain acceptance 24/7 and then I am resentful that I am not getting what I believe I should from a relationship.

New Years Eve, he is ignoring me so will see the New Year on my own, same as my birthday the other day -feel kind of sad but also kind of determined. New Year - I need to do more to take care of my needs, and start to get out more and spend more time with people who care and make me smile because this holiday season I have realised how living with this illness has changed me into a withdrawn and isolated person. This needs change before I lose myself completely.

Happy New Year

[Ysabel]

My Irish grandfather also used to say " you can catch more flies with honey than you can vinagar". That saying is absolutely lost on my hwBPD. Jen does not get the connection between his treatment of other people and his poor quality of life. In the end, it's really starting to feel like I married a 7 year old little boy who can't figure out why his "mommy" is forcing him to be her husband.