Yet Another Question About Lawyers

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Quick question and then, as per my T's counsel and advice, I move on to what is within my control.

My STBX switched attorneys, but my L never told me. I just got the paperwork from the Court, via her paralegal. She signed off on it Aug. 30.

Is that alarming? Or am I just being too sensitive?

It's really okay if you tell me I'm being over-sensitive. I can no longer tell.

TMD

[toomanydogs]

Quick question and then, as per my T's counsel and advice, I move on to what is within my control.

My STBX switched attorneys, but my L never told me. I just got the paperwork from the Court, via her paralegal. She signed off on it Aug. 30.

Is that alarming? Or am I just being too sensitive?

It's really okay if you tell me I'm being over-sensitive. I can no longer tell.

TMD

[formflier]

My initial reaction is "too sensitive".

I'm very curious about "signed off on it"?  What exactly does that mean?

Here is the thing.  This is an admin detail... .and you were notified of it.  I've mentioned that I have the lovely experience of long term court battles.  Well, there is a webpage with "court status" and "actions" and "next dates".

I would often see things on there and then email my Ls to ask what it was. 

Anyway... .I would ask your L "what she thinks it means" that they have switched.  I would ask if the other Ls are involved or "completely off the case".

What is the status of the L that you "waived conflict" over? 

Given that there is some "interesting" stuff going on with conflicts, I totally understand you "leaning forward on this"

I advise you to ask some questions and go from there.

Oh yeah...   Lawyers and firms "have reputations".  Some firms "never settle".  Some firms "are conservative".

So... .shifting to a new firm can "communicate" certain things.  It can also be a bluff.

FF

[toomanydogs]

My initial reaction is "too sensitive".

Thank you, FF. My T didn't say I was too sensitive, but she did suggest that I look at what might be underneath my reaction. She thought my L didn't mean anything by it, simply didn't think it was important enough to notify me about, and my T suggested, if it bothers me, to request that going forward my L notify me.

I went out with my daughter last night (guess I was more jumpy than I'd thought), and she very gently told me the same thing. Not that I was "too sensitive," but that she was sure my L had my best interests at heart, and she also reminded me that when it comes to professionals (doctors, lawyers, and such) I have great difficulty in trusting they'll do as they should.

For some reason that lack of trust does not transfer to firefighters or paramedics, so my daughter suggested I look at my L as a firefighter and let her do her job. 

I'm very curious about "signed off on it"?  What exactly does that mean?

What I meant was that all the lawyers involved in the issue--my L, my STBX's former lawyer and then his new lawyer, and my FIL's lawyer--were notified on Aug. 30 about the change and they all agreed, via email, and submitted it to the Court.

Here is the thing.  This is an admin detail... .and you were notified of it.  I've mentioned that I have the lovely experience of long term court battles.  Well, there is a webpage with "court status" and "actions" and "next dates".

Yes, we have that. And I check it all the time.

Anyway... .I would ask your L "what she thinks it means" that they have switched.  I would ask if the other Ls are involved or "completely off the case".

I can already hazard a guess on this. First, my STBX's L was not good. I'm not just saying that, and he was completely out of his league regarding the financial complexity of this case. He is now completely off the case.

My FIL's firm is still on the case.

The new L is highly respected, and, again, if I had to hazard a guess, my money would be on FIL's firm having advised FIL to get a new lawyer for my STBX.

Knowing my STBX, I am guessing that he has shut down emotionally, which means, for him, that he doesn't answer phone calls or emails or anything.

I'd tried to divorce him years ago, and he'd been assigned a GAL because he couldn't cooperate with his L. At the time, I'd thought it was because I'd initiated. Now I think it's simply whatever his illness is.

My T thinks the switch could work out well because it could get things moving.

What is the status of the L that you "waived conflict" over? 

He's still on the firm representing my FIL.

Given that there is some "interesting" stuff going on with conflicts, I totally understand you "leaning forward on this"

I advise you to ask some questions and go from there.

Oh yeah...   Lawyers and firms "have reputations".  Some firms "never settle".  Some firms "are conservative".

So... .shifting to a new firm can "communicate" certain things.  It can also be a bluff.

FF

Thank you, FF. FIL's firm has a long history of settling. Not sure about the new L. However, I respect that new L, and, in fact, I'd suggested her, from a list of lawyers, to be settlement facilitator.

And, if this goes to litigation--and my gut's telling me it won't as there are too many assets that would be required to be revealed--I would probably switch to a lawyer here in town who does nothing but divorce litigation.

Thanks again, FF. It's morning. I talked yesterday with T and with my daughter and now you, and I'm feeling much less jumpy.
 
TMD

[formflier]

If you feel that a different counsel would bring something to the table for actual litigation (fighting it out in court), I would recommend NOT getting rid of your current lawyer.

You can bring in the needed expertise with an additional lawyer as "of counsel" (sort of a consultant) or "co counsel".


Your case is so complex that I would NOT want to loose any "organizational history".

I have two lawyers on my case... .they are both very different "kinds" of lawyers.  One is a walking, talking legal library... yet he has no social skills and is not "that good on his feet in court, questioning witnesses and all that".

The other L is much older, is average to above average with quoting the law and stuff, yet has an amazing ability to read people and question people.  We "knew" that several witnesses had or would perjure themselves on the stand.  He made sure of it.

He was the nicest seeming questioner/cross examiner ever... .until he pounced.  Witnesses tried to get off the stand, L had judge compel them to answer... .transcript was read to confirm their answers (let's just say there was no nuance... black and white difference)... .

It was a really good show to watch.  Then I remembered how much the "ticket to the show" (L fees) were costing me... .

FF

[toomanydogs]

Thanks, FF. None of that occurred to me.

And this case is so complex financially that 2 lawyers (the cost!) might be advisable if it should go to court.

I'm still thinking they'll want to settle because of the risk of their being required to reveal assets.

Additionally, things here at the house are a bit different regarding maintenance. Feels like something's up.

Have a good day, and eventually when all this is over, I will be more of myself, which means I'll be a more active participant in others' journeys. Right now, I'm pretty self absorbed

Thanks again!   
TMD

[formflier]

Additionally, things here at the house are a bit different regarding maintenance. Feels like something's up.
 

Hey... expand on this.

Are they in "compliance" with the temp order?  Have they paid everything to you required in the temp order?


TMD

You are doing just fine (not trying to invalidate you... .I'm sure you feel otherwise many times)!  It appears to me you are a bit "reactive"... .but you reach out to friends, Ls and these boards and seem to take advice onboard and move forward.

So... keep that up.  FF prescribes extra kindness... .for you... from you!  Extra time with critters (we should have critter update someday... either on the boards on via PM)

Do you play chess?  Have you played chess? 

I think you should get back in the habit.  Seriously.  That "way of thinking" will help you make decisions about the court case.

FF

[ForeverDad]

I too think it may be an indication that they're finally accepting that their lawyers need to be independent from the conflicted ones they were used to using, that now they must start crossing their T's and dotting their I's.

The news that there may be other trusts is huge.  Legally they would have to disclose anything that might be applicable in a divorce, right?  They may still keep making it hard for you but they may finally be realizing that the terms you are insisting on aren't nearly so unreasonable as they previously claimed.

[toomanydogs]

Hey... expand on this.

Are they in "compliance" with the temp order?  Have they paid everything to you required in the temp order?

No, in my opinion, they are not in compliance. Examples:

FIL is supposed to take care of the pool. I notified CPA in May about the issues with the pool. I already put in $1100 trying to get the thing fixed. Since beginning of July, it's been nothing but a breeding ground for mosquitoes. I have now dumped mosquito dunks into it, trying to cut down on the mosquitoes.

Documented via video and pics. Still not fixed.

My A/C in the bedrooms was out from July 24 to the end of August. I already had someone scheduled to come in Aug. 2. But FIL and CPA dicked around trying to figure out whether it was under warranty.

It was under warranty but not for labor, and I knew that and the company that eventually fixed it, the one I'd originally contacted knew that, but FIL and CPA dicked around.

Documented.

Weeds. When I ran the house, I had the landscaper come in twice a week to keep control of weeds. I live in the Desert Southwest. When the monsoons hit, the weeds take over, and the property is large.

My daughter and SIL pulled weeds. I pulled weeds. I lost a whole mess of plants to bind weed, and I lost a mess of plants outside the property. Not sure why. Possibly a sprinkler issue.

Problem is no one is supervising the landscaper. He doesn't work for me. He works for FIL who is back east.

Documented. Video and pics.

Cable bill. CPA, per interim orders, is supposed to pay "basic" cable bill, which is $53 per month. They've paid it only once. They owe me $212.

Documented.

Housekeeping Services. Per interim, housekeeper is to be paid $900 per month. First, they wouldn't let her work because she didn't have Workers Comp (not required for a sole .
proprietorship out here).

She now has workers comp and they still won't let her work, saying they have to verify it. She hasn't worked here since April, I think. She's middle income. She needs the money.

Documented.

FIL and CPA have given me no documents to file taxes, only said that STBX will file individually. I had no income except from him , and I am paying a mortgage on another house. On paper it would look like I have hidden money (drug dealer?) so that I'm able to pay bills on that other house.

Hired a new CPA. She's out of the country. She will take care of it.

Documented.

The reason I'm documenting all this is that I suspect FIL will offer me a lifetime interest in the house, with his overseeing "maintenance" of the asset. If that happens, I want to show why I cannot live like that.

Not only is FIL not taking care of what he refers to as the asset (this place never looked like this when I took care of it), he also unilaterally cut me off, forcing me to get food stamps.

FIL is a public person.

Documented.

You are doing just fine (not trying to invalidate you... .I'm sure you feel otherwise many times)!  It appears to me you are a bit "reactive"... .but you reach out to friends, Ls and these boards and seem to take advice onboard and move forward.

FF, I truly do think that you're trying to invalidate me. Truth is I need people's genuine reactions, or I wouldn't ask.

My T was really helpful yesterday, even after I'd said I was fine and didn't even need to talk. 

She asked the right questions to get me to realize that I was being reactive. Not a problem. What I have learned throughout is when I'm feeling or being reactive, not to act. Don't email L, don't go online. Instead, get on here. Instead, check in with friends and my 2 kids. My sisters, because they're my sisters, take my side. They tell me what an ***hole my FIL is, how I'm better than he, all that.

And still as cool as that is to have my sisters hate my FIL, I need people like you and my T to give me feedback so I can approach this differently.

My goal is to get a fair settlement. To achieve that goal, I need to use my head more than my heart, which brings me to chess.

I never play it because... .I don't want to lose any of my pieces, and when my opponent takes even a pawn, I get upset. True.

I realize it's a game, I realize it's strategy, and I'm good at strategy. I like to play card games, such as Bridge or Hearts or Pinnochle, which all require a certain amount of strategy, but with chess, I anthropomorphize all my pieces and get upset when I lose them.

FF

Thanks!
TMD

[formflier]

Hey... a quick note needs to be sent to your L.

It's great that you have documentation, but IMO, you need to "demand payment".  That needs to be done so it's provable.  L should be able to give you approved letter, that you can modify.

Oh... .and make sure that all your "documentation" is kept in digital format as well.  If you don't have good scanner... get one.

Documentation is your life.  Keep all digital copies "on the cloud" as well as locally.


I hope your temp agreement has language in it that says something along the lines of "bills not paid within 30 days of demand acrue interest at 10% ... perhaps plus a late fee.


DO NOT accept lifetime interest.  You get "insured" title to the house... free and clear... .no rights of refusal on sale... none of that.

I do think it would be good for you to ask that they pay your property taxes (which could go up).  Unless their L is stupid... you won't get that... but... try.

FF

[DivDad]

I am just now reading the end of this string, but it seems the FIL is trying to put the nickel and dime squeeze on you.

That is, non complying with the household things, which can eventually be remedy by voluntary compliance or a court order.  It might be a smokescreen.  The FIL, et al have all the time and all the money.

If your family financials are complex, it might also be a complex $ituation within your FIL’s firm.  It might have been a reason for a change in L on his part. 

With that said, instead of jockeying back and forth with non-payment of bills, etc., maybe ask your L to aggressively push for financial disclosure…. That is, pushing for the filing of financial affidavits.    Put the issue on the front burners. Make it a priority.  And keep pushing.  You might see some feathers flying in the FIL's chicken coop.

I agree with formflier.  Do not agree to a lifetime interest on the house.  You would have no control over the asset and have no real equity in it.  If you FIL is squeezing you now while you reside in the house, they would probably squeeze you for the rest of your life. Again, they have the money and time. 
Too, look up the pro’s and con’s on what the law says in your state about lifetime interest in a property/divorce.  Once armed, then ask your L his advice.  If he thinks it’s a good idea, l would certainly ask why?