Hi MomDaughterHelp,
First of all
!
I am so sorry for the delay in getting you a response. You are
truly living a parent's worst nightmare.
I can't help you in terms of your location since I am Canadian, but we can certainly chat here. Although the responses have been slow here the past few days (I think many are burned out after the holidays which can be extremely trying) there is a great group of supportive parents here.
My sister's daughter ended up getting a service dog that could tell when she had nightmares. I understand your budget is tight, this stuff is so undervalued in our systems! Here in Canada we have another support group called Sashbear which is named after a beautiful young woman who lost her life to BPD. I know it's scary but it is reality and that group does awesome things and hosts fantastic webinars etc. I suppose you could join even given your location but I am also wondering if there is something similar that is closer to you?
Have you looked into DBT therapy? Are you familiar with it?
You mentioned:
Does she have a genetic disposition for it and the abuse set it off?
Although it sounds like you aren't sure that BPD is the correct diagnosis, what we learn here, the tools and skills are helpful with many different forms of mental illnesses and difficulties. As far as nature vs nurture, look up "Biosocial Theory" .
Also, you might find some peace in the following post from 2017 called "A letter to all Moms who have BPD Children" :
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=311129.msg12878413#msg12878413This is not an easy journey, but there is hope.
One therapist reminded me that there is a reason why we are told to put our own masks on before our child's mask on the airplane. We have to keep ourselves mentally healthy if we are going to be an asset to our suffering loved ones.
For me, this has been the biggest challenge of my life. I feel like the other members here, the professionals who have studied and written articles and books and of course God continue to give me the strength that I need - to do the work that I have to do - in this journey that I never expected to travel.
My heart goes out to you and your family, and especially your daughter.
R