Almost 30 and still suffering

[TD131]

Hi,

I really would like to speak to some other people who have had a family member, particularly a mother, who has BPD. I am an adult daughter of a woman who only recently received a professional diagnosis of BPD. For many years I suspected she had it and I have struggled with her abuse for my entire life. I am now the single mother of two gorgeous children and I do not treat my children as she treated me, though she has dragged me into fighting with her in front of them on more than one occasion. I understand it is my responsibility to not fight with her but sometimes it's extremely difficult as she, to this day, still tries to hurt me and strikes in ways that provoke me to argue and trigger anger. I have only allowed this woman to be in my life over the last few years because I've needed to stay in her house when I was going through my divorce and because sometimes I am lonely and desperate for familial support. But I've had enough. She's toxic, she's damaging, and I cannot tolerate her threats and disturbing, twisted actions anymore. She threatens to call CPS because I've cursed at her in front of my kids when she is getting to me by saying I'm crazy and a terrible mother (while other times she says what a fantastic mother I am) and she accuses me of having BPD even though I have only one of the characteristics (eating disorder). I am still disgusted and surprised at how low she goes and how venomous and destructive she is. I can understand from a distance that she is mentally ill and needs help, but as the daughter of this woman, I have to say I only have hate and disgust for her with fleeting feelings of wanting my mother.

I consider myself to be a very stable person until my mom sets me off when I am attempting to set boundaries. My ex-husband is a narcissist and I found myself put in similar emotional states by him. I am not a victim, but I have a lot of pain that I carry around because I have never experienced unconditional love.

[Scout99]

Hi TD131!



I am so sorry to hear about all the hardships you have been through and still are going through. Growing up with a mother suffering from BPD is tough, especially not knowing what's wrong with her... .

I am glad for you though that she has finally received ad diagnose, since that will at least for you be a starting point to begin to make some sense of it all and a possibility to address all the things you have been carrying on your shoulders during your life... .I am also glad to see you have found your way here, and that you are reaching out!

This is a good place to hang around when going through what you are going through. And here you will find first of all that you are not alone in your experiences and you will be able to get to know other members who are struggling with the same things!

Explore the boards here and feel free to start your own threads with questions or thoughts or whatever is on your mind, and also engage in the ongoing threads.

We also offer a lot of good and useful information about the disorder and also have workshops and articles to read about how to learn smart communication tools that can help making communication with your mother become more constructive and less triggering for her, with less pain for you... .

We are here for you and we want to be of help, so pleas let us know how we best can be of support for you at this time!

Just to get you started I will give you a link to a couple of articles on growing up with a parent suffering from BPD that may be useful for you in perhaps recognizing some of the things you have experienced and give you a sense of not being alone in going through this... .

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

How to Forgive an Abusive Parent

Let us know if you find the material helpful or if you are looking for additional or different material.

And again, we are glad that you want to join us! There is a lot to be gained from learning more and above all, there is hope in beginning your own healing process and knowing things can get better for you!

Best Wishes

Scout99