Hi there "real struggle", i'd like to welcome you to the "detaching board" and this community.
I understand from your post below that you'd like to be at these events, and these events seem to be important to you. I don't have the context of the size of these events. But what would be the possibility of you bumping into her? How many participants are there going to be at the event?
If the venue is big, would be it be too difficult to be away from her while you're there?
Lastly, (for now) how do you know who the real person is with these ppl? Before she went ghost, she said I dont care if you think Im a ___, Im done, its not going to work which was ironically after I showed up at an event & cleaned up when it was done.
I'm not too sure if i get your question. Do you mean she seems to be presenting herself with different personalities and you don't know which of these is her true self?
Before me, she had the diagnosis but didnt do anything with it. Two failed marriages, her eldest kid wouldn't really deal with her (blames that on her 2nd husband, not the girls father), 2nd kid is narcissistic as hell & angry behind the divorce from her 1st husband. Mind you, these ppl are Arab & mental illness is a social taboo for them.
By diagnosis, do you mean she has been clinically diagnosed with having BPD? Her situation sounds tough, and she seems to have some trouble with relationships and seems to have some rather difficult people in her life and childhood.
So, to frame your original question. Are you thinking of a way to attend your events without being involved with her? Or do you still have the intention of being her friend?
Spero