Silent like a child in trouble when confronted

[Mrb87]

Every time there is a need to communicate about serious issues in the relationship, for example when he is caught cheating lying or trying to cheat or any type of problem but mainly those. He becomes very silent, dodges the the conversation, or gives out compliments to distract. I'm very very open to communicating when there is any problem and i looks for ways to solve obstacles. Recently I have given up those method which caught him off guard one night when I said to him when there was a issue " I really don't care anymore. Does it even matter. And I'm done caring I'm gonna leave because I don't care about fixing things anymore which are so simple." He replied with he does care and would like to talk about it which I knew was a lie because he saw I didn't feel like pushing the issue and he knew he could get away safely with this one. He even gets in trouble at work with this type of behavior. He's had complains at his job about this shutting down when he is spoken to about a issue, hiding problems, and creating a snowball effect that messes up everyone in the long run.and has been fired from many jobs because of it. He runs from his family when there is any problem, like actually runs away and he would be the cause of the problem. How to get someone to communicate with you when it is already a safe comfortable non attacking environment but they just won't talk?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Mrb87,

I would highly recommend the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". It can give you good insights and concrete examples of better ways to communicate with someone with BPD.

If you can only afford the resources here there are also many great ones! Be sure you read the Lessons to the right side of the page here on "Tools: communication, validation, and reinforcement of good behavior" for example, but there are many, many more.

It takes time, but gradually learning to use the communication tools can make a big difference! I do not have BPD, but I notice I don't speak up sometimes because I don't feel listened to or understood - (sometimes) it would take someone with a little persistence to get me to speak up about how I feel. Do you know any reasons your partner might have for not speaking up so much?

wishing you well, pearlsw.

[Mrb87]

Thank you! I just purchased the book and i did it through my phone so i have it with me at all times.

[pearlsw]

Great - that's super! I've been slowly reading and absorbing it myself lately! As you start let us know what strikes you as especially helpful!

Are you checking out the workshops here too: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

There are a lot of great resources on this site - and folks to talk it over with and get support from! Please keep posting and sharing - it helps all of us!