Praying and Believing for Growth and Improvement

[LordSoj]

Hi everyone... .I'm new and introducing myself and am seeking advice on how to improve and grow our relationship.  I'm LordSoj and I am engaged to a wonderful woman who is suffering from BPD.  She is recently newly diagnosed with this and we are both learning how to cope.  Our main complication seems to be our communication.

We have been together for over 2 years now.  The first year she moved here was amazing, then things began to change slowly, then increased exponentially:  anger, frustration, need to control, need for validation.  She is currently in counseling and it is helping slowly and I know this is going to be a long, ongoing process. 

I am the object of almost all her anger, frustrations, etc. and I am having difficulty coping with all of that.  I try to remain strong, but have no support around me and have no people of close relationship to open up to and talk to on a regular basis.

I'm excited that I found bpdfamily and am looking for advice and wisdom from people of all arenas of life so that I can glean knowledge and help our relationship grow and become stronger and healthier and so that I can learn to become healthy again in myself, as well.

Thank you for reading this and for any support, wisdom, suggestions or direction,

LordSoj

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi LordSoj,

Welcome to the Family!

It's always good to check out the Basic Tools and Lessons to the right of the board here--->

You may also want to look at the Success Stories up at the top!

Do you have some specific questions or issues for all of us?

My personal advice is find a balance between time on boards (to engage the community and learn from peers) and studying the lessons. Ingraining this info in yourself helps when crises hit!

Take care!

[LordSoj]

I am reading, researching, learning and "ingraining" this information into myself daily as this is all new for both of us.  How do I apply what I'm learning without causing her to feel invalidated about what she is learning in counseling with a modified DBT plan?  I feel like I have to follow everything she is learning without being able to implement what I am learning as well.

[pearlsw]

Hi LordSoj,

Nice to hear from you again! Is there an example you can share with this about something that you are trying to do that seems to conflict with what she is learning please? My instinct is to think that the things here would be compatible with what she is learning in counseling, or that we could help find a way that could be. On the other hand, I can imagine that in practice sometimes can seem conflicting - like they don't work together. Do you have something specific in mind?

take care, pearlsw.