Set back - in dissociative state DD OD'd on her medication

[wendydarling]

It is over two years since our last ER visit.

She's been doing so, so well, or at least I though so, she's work hard. The police came to the house at 4am Thursday morning. They'd had a call from someone, I now know a friend in Scotland. They had to break her  bedroom door down. She OD on her meds, had two beers earlier that evening.  DD can’t remember anything or understand why she was in hospital when she came round. DD mainly took citalopram, little trace of paracetamol fortunately.

The reason DD can’t remember anything, is we believe she was in a dissociative state and from what she’s since shared she has been reaching this state of dissociative amnesia recently.  Significant pointers are her a) meds were cut by half three weeks ago, I was not aware of this b) her best friend suddenly left to go home to family in Ireland – her friend was in crisis, c) my 18 grand nephew (GN) who is staying with us confided in her Tuesday evening he’d been suspended from college last Friday, new course only a month in, for taking in weed brownies (baked in our oven when we were not home!) and handing them to students 16-18yrs. She successfully helped him to reach out to his father to attend a disciplinary meeting, date to be set. They also spent Wednesday evening together having a heart to heart, she said it was good, a great evening … until … she woke up in hospital.

Last night I spoke with a friend of DD. This is different from the events 2015/16. She wants to live. What just happened there? 

DD and I mutually agreed
Meds are handed back to me for now, for her safety
The new bedroom door will not have an inbuilt lock, for her safety
Today she made an appointment with her psychiatrist to review meds following this event.
I support her researching a new therapist, something she’s struggled with achieving by herself.
We will gently and with love gather ourselves back together, accept this happened, search for the lessons, get stronger and keep safe.

The consultant said they'd keep her in 24 hours, regulations. I came home for rest bite to hear she was on her way home. She asked a nurse on the station if she could go home, they said yes? I think they slipped up, at no point was any paperwork signed either? …... she was only there 12 hours. In hindsight I think I should have taken her back, I wasn't thinking clearly. DD told me she was desperate to get out, triggered by a man next to her in resuscitation unit, who she understands lost his wife and children, heart breaking 

I'm trying to look at this in context, for sure there is dissociative amnesia and stressful events these last two weeks. In a dissociative state she was unable to use the tools and skills she's learnt? So many questions.
DD was up for an hour earlier, she can't remember having a bath last night and going to bed... .

GN met his father today in town for lunch. It went well. GN apologised to me. Last night two amazing friends of DD talked with him about his actions, how he'd hurt others - put their wellbeing at risk, learning by consequence. That he'll likely be expelled. Truths. He was truly shocked with the police turning up, breaking down the door, being questioned where they'd been that evening, frightened for DD. I consciously asked him to go in the ambulance with DD, I'd follow. I wanted to give him the opportunity to step up for others, reach out to the young man who can be responsible, and he did.   I think he's grown a tad this last week, excruciatingly.

You know that moment you drop everything in your life. Today is a pyjama day.

Ironing, straightening this all out, while listening to gentle, uplifting classic music 

WDx 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Oh WD, I’m so so sorry to hear of what happened with your daughter, I cannot imagine what thoughts were going through your head, how you were feeling    How awful for you, I assume, to be woken that time in the morning by the police. I am so very glad that your DD is now safely back home with you.

As you say, there are questions to be asked and lessons to be learned, I doubt that your GN will be forgetting about this incident for quite some time, if indeed ever. I think you did him a huge favour by suggesting he go in the ambulance with your DD.

So now it’s the calm after the storm, a time to relax and recover whilst gathering your thoughts, getting things back on an even keel. I hope you managed to gain comfort on your pyjama day WD.

Thinking of you x   

[Only Human]

Big hugs to you, WD  

I'm so sorry to hear of this setback with your daughter and can't imagine how you must have been feeling throughout all this. I'm glad she is physically ok and that you and she have made a safety plan.

It is over two years since our last ER visit.
... .

DD and I mutually agreed
Meds are handed back to me for now, for her safety
The new bedroom door will not have an inbuilt lock, for her safety
Today she made an appointment with her psychiatrist to review meds following this event.
I support her researching a new therapist, something she’s struggled with achieving by herself.
We will gently and with love gather ourselves back together, accept this happened, search for the lessons, get stronger and keep safe.
... .

You know that moment you drop everything in your life. Today is a pyjama day.

Ironing, straightening this all out, while listening to gentle, uplifting classic music  

I'm seeing some really great things in your post. You and your daughter are a great team, making a safety plan together, you supporting her in finding a new psychiatrist, talking now about how you will move forward, get stronger, and keep safe. This takes great strength and dedication and you both are amazing women!

I'm glad you practiced self-care, listened to classic music and had a well-deserved pyjama day.

Thank you for sharing and know that I am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts.

~ OH

[Lollypop]

Hi WD

My heart goes out to you and your post brings home the stark reality of just how quickly things change. A good reminder for all of us. I’m relieved she’s ok.

You’re doing amazingly well slotting a plan into place for yourself and daughter. You know that you’ve been here before, both of you, and can get through the aftermath of the crisis. As you say, it starts by getting calm.

I sincerely hope you don’t mind me saying this, I say it with concern. You’ve listed all the recent changes in your daughters life and, together, they amount to a considerable shift that’s knocked her off balance.   Your nephew moving into your home being one of them...

Crisis has a way of making clear the priorities and also the responsibilities. I’m sure your nephew is making all the right noises. From my experience, he’ll tell you what you want to hear. I may be completely wrong and if so, I sincerely apologise but I’m worried about your situation.

When I first arrived on this forum allowing my son back into our home I posted about my concern with my younger son and the affects he might experience. One forum member wrote really curtly and I haven’t forgot it. She said “your younger son sounds like a great kid. If you let your older son into your home he will not stay that way”.  I prickled. Yet she was right to point out the risk of what I was doing. I put my elder son’s needs over my younger son’s. Actually, I put his needs over all of our lives because we were doing ok without him. Fortunately it’s worked out ok for us but not without affecting my family dynamics.

My question may increase your inner turmoil and for that I’m sorry but I wonder if you’re so tightly wrapped up in the crisis you may not see what I think is obvious. Has your nephew unbalanced your daughter?  Where are his parents?  I’m thinking about the drama triangle. To be clear, I think you’re totally brilliant taking him in like a stray young boy. Youve a big heart.

You are amazing but you’re not superwoman even though I think you think you are! ! You’ve got a lot on your plate right now. Ironing to soothing music sounds perfect. Take very good care of yourself WD.

I hope your daughter gets back on track with her meds soon. ‘Losing’ her bestie will hit her hard. Hopefully things will settle soon.

Hugs

LP

[Huat]

Hi there, Wendydarling

I feel the need to log on and give you a... .((HUG)!

So, so sorry there has been this set-back with your daughter.  I wager a guess, though, that you are handling this a lot better than what you would have done when you first joined this group a few years back. 

Ironing and listen to music... .a coping mechanism you have put in place to calm yourself so you can better face what needs to be done... .but firstly, you are looking after YOU... .an important message we try so hard to convey to those who come on board.

I'm acknowledging and thanking you for all the advice and comfort you keep offering to others who  find this forum.  That advice and comfort is coming from someone who is also "in the trenches" - not just talking-the-talk... .but... .walking-the-walk.

Glad to be here with you, Wendydarling!  Truly, we help ourselves when we are helping others.

Huat

[bluek9]

Hi Wendydarling      

   Oh my goodness! What you have gone through in the last couple of days. Sounds like the spin cycle button got pushed hard. I'm glad to hear your D is ok and home with you and that meds. will be re-evaluated. Even when everything else seems to be going okay the meds. are ALWAYS something that must be maintained. They make such a difference and walking that med. line is a really hard balancing act. It only takes the smallest change to throw things out of wack.

   We just went to the psychiatrist yesterday for a med. change. Specifically for de-regulating and excessive impulsive behavior. With my D it takes more than behavioral modification.

   I'm so happy to hear that you are attending to you! I love classical and jazz music, main reason being that I don't know the music or where it will go. That way I can just let my mind be carried away. YOU ARE A ROCK, and I love you for being here as Huat says "IN THE TRENCHES"
with all of us. I live on the beach in central Oregon, one of the beautiful things I have discovered about being a rock is this; no matter how much of beating they take from mother nature they remain. Yes changed, softened with the rough edges worn off, but a rock they remain. Just my own personal reminder of no matter how much of a beating I take by mental illness, I remain the same, just softer round the edges.

   Hang on tight WDx I truly appreciate all your experience and your sharing. 

[Kwamina]

Hi wendydarling

I am very sorry for this setback. Not a pleasant situation at all but I am glad that she came out of it.

She's been doing so, so well, or at least I though so, she's work hard.

This setback is frustrating but it does not negate any of the hard work your daughter has been doing. She has been doing well and all the hard work she's been doing and your continued positive presence in her life, have increased her chances of bouncing back from setbacks like this and continuing to make progress. The true test of how well we're doing and how far we've come, is not necessarily during times when everything goes smoothly, but I would say it is in times of stress and crisis.

There clearly were also mitigating circumstances with her meds being cut, her best friend leaving and of course your grand nephew's rather problematic behaviors.

Board Parrot is thinking of you and your daughter

[wendydarling]

Thank you, thank you for your virtual hugs, they feel so good     , for listening, your love, kind words, compassion, expressing your empathy as you stand in my shoes.  Your wisdom  

Top line, DD is making out all is 'ok' today, her first day out of bed coma - cleaning, sorting, keeping herself busy, she went out to send a well-being care parcel to her friend in Ireland. I think it's is the easiest way to for her to be, whilst she wraps her brain around why she tried to kill herself, why she couldn’t remember doing it and whether she'll try again. Scary, truly terrifying for her. Someone will be at home with her for now, the schedule is on.

FB it was frightening, I was well in bed before DD and GN arrived home, my immediate assumption opening the door to the police was they were not home, well neither rose. Having been through similar number of times, years ago at that time I was rattling, crippled with fear, really struggling with how to respond. It's through the help of everyone here  and the resources, my learning I've faced my fear of losing her, very grim scenario I know, I had to do it and I am glad I did it... ... .I imagined losing her and I walked through preparing a celebration of her, her life in detail. Acceptance of what I cannot control. This has released me from some of my inner turmoil, to use that energy for good, detaching with love. I believe this has also helped DD as I'm calmer and more focused and self-aware during this latest crisis. I felt that this time, I feel the benefit of the work I've been doing for me in the dire situation that just happened. That's it FB, we work to relieve our suffering and pain, as you share here with us yourself we can make changes, self-care, every little bit counts. Release, release. It’s time to follow your good lead FB, it’s time for counselling.

OH, I'm so touched by you reaching out to me and parents here as you manage your way through your own crisis right now, hang in there, we’ve got you. We’ve both put in place a safety plan, it’s the right thing to do  Sharing really helps everyone, it also helps ourselves as we navigate the uncharted territory of mental illness as bluek9 so eloquently describes in your current thread. On the way we find jewels of many kinds, friends, resources, healing, answers. We all land here in crisis, this is a healing platform.   I have the greatest respect for parents/grandparents here, NC, in crisis, managing, parents who have lost their loved ones. I'm glad you've found your way here, a safe place to be.  

LP, you are bang on target as usual  , keep asking real questions, I need them, we all do, never be afraid to share your what you see, your experience, your gut feeling. Sometimes, I think I’m a slow burner, a reality check sure helps! I spoke with my nephew last night and he collects GN tomorrow. I tell you as soon as DD shared with me my GN's situation and that he'd confided, asked her to be his next of kin red , It was so quick, 24 hours, bam. I’m going to write about this sometime, as much happened due to this, the final tipping point. And one can get complacent when life continues to improve, I’ve a lesson in understanding my DD for now needs continued medical support and my support in accessing it. I thought she may cope, you know handing responsibility to who it belongs to, I took too far A stark reminder things can change so quickly, indeedie.  DD says the worst thing about being a self-aware mentally ill person is that people assume that because you understand your illness you’re automatically able to actually apply your knowledge to your life and cure yourself.  That’s her reality and my lesson of the day.  I'm going swimming tomorrow LP, the thought of it just   makes me melt. I'll be on your better self care thread soon  

Huat, and {{{hugs}}} to you and I hope you are well. Oh yes you are also bang on with your guess, wager, you’re coming in twos. Thank you, I am dealing with it better than those years ago, as I share above. I'm not a prisoner, a soldier in the trenches, yes, I'm with you. One thing that's really important for me personally to share, some may relate, is while I faced my fears emotionally, physically it took much longer to recover, my mind and body were out of kilter. I was like the tin man of the Wizard of Oz, where’s the oil, who’s got my oil can, it was painful and difficult to gain any relief from self-are physically, I had to put in SO much effort, I've got there. For anyone reading this if you don't feel well, you are tired ... .take time out and take that trip to the Dr for you, now.   Huat, we look forward to your grace, care and wisdom when you next place your fingers on the keys here.

Bluek9, you’ve been there, you’ve all been there, spin me. How apt I have the beautiful Oregon Springs that come up time to time on google when I turn on my computer some days there you are, rocks and all. I love your analogy, softer round the edges, the core is still standing strong as often happens in nature. It does and can take more than behavioural change, we work with what we’ve got. I believe medications saved my DD when at her lowest 2015-16, it’s not for all as we learn, it was a worthwhile journey to get it right for DD, it was a hard one. That’s it, we work with what we have, Blue9k you do just that, everyday   can you let us know how the meds change goes. Have things escalated?

Kwamina Gentle spirit The true test of how well we're doing and how far we've come, is not necessarily during times when everything goes smoothly, but I would say it is in times of stress and crisis. Your words ring true for me right now, thank you, for the comfort and for shining the light Board Parrot and thinking of us.

A storm, we've survived.

With life there is hope and with hope there is life.

WDx

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi WD,

What a terrifying experience, I'm so glad your daughter is ok physically. It sounds like you all are starting to recover, as well.

I don't have any words of wisdom, you are an example for all of us and are such a fabulous mom. I am sending lots of hugs though and I hope things stay calm for your all.

I did want to respond, two things you said really hit home for me and my situation. I hope that's ok.

"DD says the worst thing about being a self-aware mentally ill person is that people assume that because you understand your illness you’re automatically able to actually apply your knowledge to your life and cure yourself."

My daughter can be extremely self aware but she also made a habit of trying to convince me she was better off than she was. I took her too seriously on those points, but it's hard when someone calmly tells you something for months not to believe them.

You also said you came to terms with losing her. I really think that is essential with these kids, whether it be losing then to suicide or no contact or anything else. It's horrible to grieve someone before they're gone but you're right, it lets you be present while detaching.

Thank you so much for always being there for all of us. I tell my husband about you and your daughter periodically. That although there are set backs you are a true, rare success story.

Lots of love,
HB

[Daisy123]

Hello Wendy,
I am so glad to hear that your daughter is okay. What a terrifying 24 hours. This illness is ruthless. As was said in some your posts on this feed, things can happen so suddenly and unexpectedly. It’s indeed a good reminder for all of us to remain steadfast. So I’m sending you many hugs (( :hug)

You’ve taken action, a safety plan, locating a counselor and creating a calm space for your D to rest with some supervision. You’ve managed to remain grounded and focused during Ds disassociative break.

And I so appreciate you sharing how you’ve had to imagine the very worst. I find this idea very helpful. It tones down the fear that we could not go on if we lost our loved ones to this wretched disease. We are suppose to support you in alll of this- yet you come here and teach us more.

May you and your D find some respite in all of this and may you both be safe.

Sending many positive thoughts your way.

Daisy123

[wendydarling]

GN is now back home with his father, I'm pleased how we parted. His disciplinary is Friday.

Normal meds are re-established under my watch, for now. DD gave her apologies for the new skills session she missed and the reason why. This organisation is a charity. Low and behold they called her back and invited to come meet with one of the DBT therapists 10am tomorrow.    I'm in heaven! Plus she's got a live in cat sitting job for two weeks in November, not just any cat, this has a minute by minute routine, I've never seen anything like it ~ I keep reading it, it's on the kitchen notice board. That'll stretch DD's time keeping.

I think the NHS need some feedback, they sent DD a text Sat am "Following your visit to xxxx A&E how likely are you to recommend our services to family and friends for similar care you received. Um really, WOW hard core.    It is however great to hear our hospital is setting up a special A&E unit for self harm and DD said the staff in A&E definitely had a better handle on how to treat self harm patients, they must have had training since her last visit. And I'm thinking so have you darling, DBT!

Saturday morning DD casually said in passing "I'm thinking of volunteering for one of the suicide helplines, I think I'd be quite good I understand, though it might trigger me ... ., perhaps one day week I'd be able to manage" WHAT!

HB, Daisy, thank you for your kind words and hugs. You've both picked up on how facing our fears can help us cope, whether with NC, to suicide, everything. It does tone down the fear Daisy that's a good way of describing it, I'm glad you find the idea helpful. It was a ritual ceremony. HB,yes they can make out things are ok, they don't want to burden, they already feel they do. Remember it took my DD till she was 26 to help herself, there is always hope. I mainly wait for my DD to talk to me, I know if I enquired too much, or at the wrong time she'd get agitated, she's not in that space, it's a delicate balance. Fortunately she's on twitter and gains lots of support from people who understand, they validate each other, comforts me she's not alone.

We talked about last week, she believes if her meds had not been reduced she'd have coped, she also agrees she needs ongoing DBT for now. No sign of dissociation. 

DD's getting back on the pony... .

WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi WD

How are you? What a shock after such a long period. That mus have been very confronting with a million things going through your mind.

In unpacking what happened, its so great to see your daughter wanting to explore and work through with you.  The boundaries you put in place were not challenged and she is engaging with renewed interest.

Im always amazed at how composed and measures you are and no doubt this is a defining factor in your daughter"s recovery.

Merlot

[Only Human]

Hi WD 

I agree with Merlot, you are just what your daughter needs. You are an excellent team.

I'm glad to hear that your DD is back on the pony   

Keep it up, you're both doing splendidly.

~ OH

[wendydarling]

Merlot thanks for asking, I'm doing ok, I just feel so sad for DD, our kids didn't ask for this. I've been through feeling elated, relief and followed by feeling tired, sad today exhausted, see below. I guess we find our individual coping point for our situation. My DD suffers inner turmoil (very simply put), I'm aware she needs a soothing and calm environment, I guess that may transfer here on the board after good years here. Like the lessons here; don't react, respond, be self aware of wisemind … LP please correct me if I say this in the wrong way. I always remember LP saying 'I need to change, to be the parent my DS needs me to be' I relate. And that comes in many ways, our situations are unique. It's challenging, DD said today they forget I'm a person, doing my best …... .

Today has been exhausting. DD went along to the appointment to see the therapist where she's attending DBT skills session all happy on a positive high expecting them to offer her DBT therapy too. No, for her a horrendous, challenging and invalidating one hour grilling to chuck her out, expel her from the DBT skills sessions because she'd self harmed, 'broken the rules'. She called me in a cab absolutely devastated in tears on her way home, she'd called her friends first, she always does, I'm the last in the ladder of rocks, rightly so. In hindsight, it appears that while she was waiting for her appointment the staff knew that was the outcome of the meeting, she'd broken the rules by self harming, automatic expulsion. One staff member who seems to be an observer in the skills sessions intimated, it'll be ok nodding to the therapists room. Her contact who yesterday called her and invited her today, avoided looking her way, acknowledging her. There was a young girl who type the whole conversation. DD said he's 'god complex', there was no empathy, he'd read her records, he was cold, direct, full of incorrect assumptions, it felt like a personal attack, no listening to her. DD said 3/4 years ago she'd have run for the hills, but because she's had successful DBT with NHS she knew what good DBT skills sessions are and are not. DD pulled out her big gun, that at no point (we are 4 weeks in) had any rules been discussed in any of the sessions, let alone a contract which is normal. This is the only time the therapist wrote anything down, DD said his face changed. I find this interesting because earlier last week DD spoke with me about the skills sessions saying we are 4 weeks in and haven't even started, she thinks the leader (is ditsy) is a student and there is a staff member observing, who intimated in the waiting room, it'll be ok, he was trying to warn her something? This is what happens in treatment?

Outcome, she's not been expelled, she'll attend tomorrow evenings session (even though he said DBT was not for her? I believe he's trying to move her on, stretch her, to other therapies, seeing the bigger picture, she's now 10 hours later kind of accepting, his challenge ). T suggested she ring another independent organisation specialising in DBT for one to one therapy (which ironically we were about to approach, and it appears the therapist is a leading senior member of the DBT team there - yes they get about!). DD said she'll call the organisation Friday when she's calmed down from reeling, backwards, perhaps forwards.

I've looked up the therapist's resume, an accredited dialectical behaviour therapist (one of the first in the UK) and a subject matter expert in personality disorders. Trained in DBT both by the Linehan Institute in the USA and British Isles DBT in the UK. Received expert supervision in DBT and DBT-Prolonged Exposure (PE) from leading and world-renowned clinicians in the field of DBT and trauma. I could go on... .…

There we are, next step of the journey, still in skills session. We've discussed how tomorrows session will be interesting, will they introduce the rules and contract, they'll likely watching DD like a hawk   )

It's exhausting stuff, we've just had another session, DD emotionally outpouring and working it through, finding wisemind, she's getting there. She's frustrated, wanted to make a complaint. In time she worked out she already has, it's not in her interest to stir it up, further. We agreed she'd already done that and the therapist has taken her word.

OH you are right, we are a team now. Now she trusts me. I think she always has, even during her darkest of days, unable to reach out.

Today my heart is with everyone trying to get help for their mental health, denied it, invalidated. Keep going, talk to someone, we are all listening, things can get better.  

DD said she can't go through life going from one therapist to another, one treatment to another. Always explaining, explaining, starting at the beginning to be able to get on the same page, somewhere, then it ends because they leave. I'm sure some parents relate to that statement. It is what it is DD.

WDx

[Merlot]

Hi WD

There in lies the challenge and irony of working through therapists.  Finding the right treatment is a work in progress, especially at the outset. As they progress through therapy, they may have to be moved on. I wonder if this re-ignites some of the abandonment issues, even if temporarily.

 I know youve mentioned that your daughter talks through her emotions. Im sure hours of validation and exploration leaves you feeling a little sapped, no wonder you are exhausted.

You're right, they didnt choose this and its truly horrible but Im so glad your daughter is able to draw on her journey so far and move forward after a few setbacks. It shows that recovery is alive and well.

Merlot

[Harley Quinn]

WD, what mixed news and mixed emotions for you I'm sure.  You really must be feeling exhausted but it's no surprise that your daughter is so strong.  She learned it somewhere... . 

I'm delighted to hear that she was so smart in the heat of the moment and managed to save herself from expulsion.  That's just brilliant and something she can take pride in.  It does make me feel sad for those who don't have the benefit of your daughter's knowledge and experience who could be falling through the cracks.  Getting the right ongoing support from the mental health system certainly is a test of willingness and commitment.  Her determination to get help shines out like a beacon.  Rooting for her to find this experience leads to something that is right for her.  To open doors sometimes we must push and your girl is unafraid to apply just the right level of pressure to get them moving.  You're right to be proud.   

Love and light x

[Radcliff]

Hang in there WDx!  It is exhausting to have to work through therapy solutions and deal with disappointments.  Best wishes for continued improvement and for your DD to get settled with a course of treatment that meets her needs. 

RC

[Lollypop]

Hi WD

It’s completely beyond my understanding. As you know son27 does not seek treatment. It’s almost like I’m glad when I read just how difficult it is - he’d never cope. Your daughter becomes more resilient and wise with each step, as do you.

Hugs
LP

[Gorges]

My daughter just had a set back as well.  I like your PJ idea.  I need to take care of myself and this is a reminder.  I don't think they are ever "cured" but it scares me.  What will happen to them when we are gone?   But, I can't worry about that now.

[wendydarling]

Merlot it does show recovery is alive and well. I think one of the lessons here is continuing treatment and support, building upon success and there have been many. I recall the head of MH, only time I met them back in 2015 saying we'll start with DBT and have options of schema and mentalization later, but that appears to only be the case if you're still in crisis. They (NHS UK) keep an eye on you over the 12 month period after DBT with the 4 therapy sessions and then discharge. HQ having reflected DD said she thought the T was meeting her at her 'level' in terms of his challenges, approach and likely they'd work at the appropriate 'level' with someone who was new to treatment, though you're right it is a concern people falling through the gaps. Having come down from her emotionally reactive state, she's said she recognises the T, he led two sessions of skills group DD briefly attended in 2015 at the organisation he's recommending for therapy and that he explained everything in an understandable way, that made sense to her, so she's seen him in two different lights. Progress. It's been really interesting see how she's worked her way through this emotionally and to see her perspective change once she's used logical mind, wise mind. Thanks for your best wishes Radcliff, and yes she'll get there, despite this hanging in moment  LP once settled into the routine of treatment I've found things settle. As often said here they have to want it and when they really do want it they can learn new ways to cope with the challenges, even in a highly aroused and vulnerable state.  DD's friend is back until Tuesday to pack up and empty her flat ……... DD is helping. I'm keeping a watchful eye and ear out. They'll miss each other very much and the loss is real. I'm hoping this experience of change will build more resilience and emotional independence.

DD attended DBT skills group Thursday, it went ok, that's all I got from her. She's been pacing herself this week, she'll call the independent organisation to arrange therapy next week.

Thank you everyone for your kind support, I know some of you are going through the worst of times yourselves, we'll come through. This is truly an amazing place and you make it just that, family. 

Gratefully,
WDx 

[wendydarling]

My daughter just had a set back as well.  I like your PJ idea.  I need to take care of myself and this is a reminder.  I don't think they are ever "cured" but it scares me.  What will happen to them when we are gone?   But, I can't worry about that now.

Oh Gorges I'm so sorry your daughter has had a set back as well and you are hurting.   It's such a shock when things are going well, better. I kind of knew, expected set backs, from what I'd read. I became complacent and that's ok I needed to come down from my own heightened state, to rest! Cured? goal is for them to be able to live life without symptoms significantly impacting, that's how I see it and in my DD's case this involves treatment over an extended period of years, a way of life. Come talk to us about your fears another time, for now jump into those cuddly pj's, we've got you 

I see your thread Gorges and will join you there.

WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Good2behere]

>>"DD said 3/4 years ago she'd have run for the hills, but because she's had successful DBT with NHS she knew what good DBT skills sessions are and are not. DD pulled out her big gun, that at no point (we are 4 weeks in) had any rules been discussed in any of the sessions, let alone a contract which is normal. This is the only time the therapist wrote anything down, DD said his face changed."<<

Wendy Darling,

I feel like this is a HUGE breakthrough for your daughter. To be in that sort of a vulnerable and confused state in front of others, and to be able to refuse to be discounted without shutting down or acting out, is a big deal for everyone, BPD or not. And she stuck around, despite the leader's misstep. It was probably a model to the others of how to advocate for oneself, as well.

That is truly a triumph. 

This setback may contain a moment that can help her spring her forward in her emotional stability and social interactions.

However, I fully appreciate the energetic toll that all of this takes on you. PJ days, for sure. There will be other days for flying over London in your nightgown.

[wendydarling]

Thanks Good2behere, you are right it is a huge breakthrough, it is truly a triumph and I agree a position from which to spring forwards. Having dealt with so many medical situations since 2015, some good, some bad, ie challenging she's learning how to deal with the challenging 'people/situations'. She's had some run ins with the GP's receptionist who she feels is obstructive, she's learnt to use DEARMAN... .she's also learnt to let it go, let it be. Yesterday she saw a new GP (a temp covering leave), it was the most validating experience she's had at the practice.

DD came home from DBT on a high last week. Produced 3 different note books and explained away... .talking so quickly I was blindsided, I had so many questions, I listened. I'd love to sit down with her, for her to share her learning, a conversation ~ it's finding the right moment to suggest that, I'm aware she may not want to share or teach me. I get snippets, her note books look like a treasure trove. 

Ha, no PJ's today, it's fireworks night here and later I shall be flying over London