Been reading the other forums

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've gotten more answers to the questions I've had, what really struck me was BPDs and vacations.

The ex-BPD would come back unhappy after a vacation with her new man and she would take it out on me. WTH you just got back from a very expensive holiday I would expect you to come back in a better mood nope.

She would get back from holidays I would ask her if she had fun, the answer was no, she would explain what happened. Her BF has spent thousands on vacations for her he pays for everything I've lost count on how much money he spent. I would ask him how the vacation went he didn't want to talk about it.

The ex would always take her unhappiness out on me because we worked together and we were still close. Things that I thought would make her happy never worked out she seemed to be unsatisfied in the relationship with her new man than she was with me.

More I read I never want her back, I'm glad I found this site more I read more I learn and all the questions I've had are being answered. I'm also glad to have gotten out of the relationship with her I think I could have ended up with more damage than I did. The guy she's with now is screwed he's beyond recovery, his health physically has declined, pretty sure mentally its just as bad.

[Gear Jammer]

I've gotten more answers to the questions I've had, what really struck me was BPDs and vacations.

The ex-BPD would come back unhappy after a vacation with her new man and she would take it out on me. WTH you just got back from a very expensive holiday I would expect you to come back in a better mood nope.

She would get back from holidays I would ask her if she had fun, the answer was no, she would explain what happened. Her BF has spent thousands on vacations for her he pays for everything I've lost count on how much money he spent. I would ask him how the vacation went he didn't want to talk about it.

The ex would always take her unhappiness out on me because we worked together and we were still close. Things that I thought would make her happy never worked out she seemed to be unsatisfied in the relationship with her new man than she was with me.

More I read I never want her back, I'm glad I found this site more I read more I learn and all the questions I've had are being answered. I'm also glad to have gotten out of the relationship with her I think I could have ended up with more damage than I did. The guy she's with now is screwed he's beyond recovery, his health physically has declined, pretty sure mentally its just as bad.

[Reforming]

Hi Gear Jammer,

I've browsed the forums on the other side - so to speak and I learned a lot too. I read some posts from BPDs who showed a lot on insight into their illness and who were doing their best to cope with their disorder.

I read others who were angry and lost and clearly struggling to cope.

I imagine that they would probably view these boards in a similar light. In fact I've read posts where they make comparable comments about NONs.

I agree that untreated borderlines often continue the same patterns of behaviour with one partner after another. Feelings of emptiness - unquenchable need is one of the saddest parts of the condition. To quote one of our senior members they want what the don't need and need what they don't want.

It's a serious mental illness that makes them miserable and the fallout can be terrible especially for those who love them most. 

Recovery takes a lot of time and work and that's if they have a good support network and are lucky enough to have access to the right kind of treatment.

I think there's a bigger truth here too. I'm not a borderline but I've done a fair bit of therapy. My experience is that change is possible but it's a lot harder than I imagined and it's very easy to default to ingrained behaviour even though it's unhealthy.

It must be even harder for them.

Thanks for sharing

Reforming