Challenges- think my spouse is BPD but they won't admit it- have kids

[EWF]

I'm married to a woman who has the symptoms of BPD exactly.  I have tried to suggest she get treatment but she insists she is fine and it is me that needs the treatment.  In fact, she has told me I'm about twelve different horrible things (and really- I'm not).  She causes issues with my sisters and parents- reads into their polite gestures wrong and gets defensive, starts fights at home over just about everything.  I feel like I'm in a constant pressure cooker environment and here is the kicker- I have three kids who I love dearly and I feel as though I need to get good at living with my potentially BPD wife to assure the kids get treated well (since divorce means she will have them at least 1/2 the time).  Most of the world has no idea what BPD is and I started seeing a psychologist who has told me I need to work on my own codependence to be stronger on my side if I'm to have any chance of being there for my wife.  This forum seemed like a good place to get support because I do feel all alone.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome!

Most BPDs will not accept that they have BPD. But whether or not they accept it, as your psych said, there are many things YOU can do to make life better for your whole family. And this is indeed a great place to work on yourself!

Being co-dependant means you are too "connected" to her. You base your emotion on hers, you live in "her world". To live with a BPD, you need to stop that. You need to be emotionally strong, independant, and "in control".

There is a LOT of information here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0
Have a read and post LOTS of questions... .