exSOBPD

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

We were friends for a year, she was married but miserable. She had several marriages before and 4 children from 4 separate fathers. It didn't make any sense to me. She was intelligent, witty, beautiful and had a husband who wouldn't do anything, house was falling apart and wouldn't hardly talk to her. I was single and told her I loved her and would be waiting if she ever decided to leave. 5 months later it happened and I made a huge mistake and was a white knight to the rescue! I took on the responsibility her ex never would and she idolized me for a few months. Then she changed. She became passive aggressive, would overreact to little things, everything was my fault and every man in her past was a ass. I did some research and am positive she has Borderline Personality Disorder. She became abusive at times and I hung in there. I loved my new family and tried to get her some therapy. I knew I couldn't fix her, but I loved her. She would rage out of nowhere and not remember her horrible behavior. She finally devalued me to the point she did the other few good men in her life and stopped speaking to me after three years. She sees me as an ass like the rest of the men in her past. She is convinced the years I spent mentoring her now 17 yr old son, I really was turning him against her. She told him "I'm sorry I ever introduced you to that monster". Her son doesn't understand her disjunctions but is in therapy and brings them up to her and she avoids the subject and blames me. I feel used, beat up and undeserving of love. She took part of my soul for awhile. Worst part is, I miss dancing with her and the loving attention we had when she wasn't devaluing me. I feel broken for now but I will feel better in time. I feel bad for her children and am trying to be there for the older ones the best I can without my heart breaking. I never knew BPD existed and I cried for days when I discovered she had it. I tried so hard and she never noticed. I read on many sites that said I should run away as fast as I can, but I couldn't. I still don't want too, she refuses to speak to me, when I try she rages blame at me. I miss the woman she was before three months ago. She trusted me and believed me when i told her she was acting irrational and we would work on communicating when I pointed out a cognitive dysfunction. Then suddenly she turned me completely black. 

[Remus]

We were friends for a year, she was married but miserable. She had several marriages before and 4 children from 4 separate fathers. It didn't make any sense to me. She was intelligent, witty, beautiful and had a husband who wouldn't do anything, house was falling apart and wouldn't hardly talk to her. I was single and told her I loved her and would be waiting if she ever decided to leave. 5 months later it happened and I made a huge mistake and was a white knight to the rescue! I took on the responsibility her ex never would and she idolized me for a few months. Then she changed. She became passive aggressive, would overreact to little things, everything was my fault and every man in her past was a ass. I did some research and am positive she has Borderline Personality Disorder. She became abusive at times and I hung in there. I loved my new family and tried to get her some therapy. I knew I couldn't fix her, but I loved her. She would rage out of nowhere and not remember her horrible behavior. She finally devalued me to the point she did the other few good men in her life and stopped speaking to me after three years. She sees me as an ass like the rest of the men in her past. She is convinced the years I spent mentoring her now 17 yr old son, I really was turning him against her. She told him "I'm sorry I ever introduced you to that monster". Her son doesn't understand her disjunctions but is in therapy and brings them up to her and she avoids the subject and blames me. I feel used, beat up and undeserving of love. She took part of my soul for awhile. Worst part is, I miss dancing with her and the loving attention we had when she wasn't devaluing me. I feel broken for now but I will feel better in time. I feel bad for her children and am trying to be there for the older ones the best I can without my heart breaking. I never knew BPD existed and I cried for days when I discovered she had it. I tried so hard and she never noticed. I read on many sites that said I should run away as fast as I can, but I couldn't. I still don't want too, she refuses to speak to me, when I try she rages blame at me. I miss the woman she was before three months ago. She trusted me and believed me when i told her she was acting irrational and we would work on communicating when I pointed out a cognitive dysfunction. Then suddenly she turned me completely black. 

[once removed]

hey onealpha, im sorry youre going through this  

it must be really tough with the added connection to her kids. is this connection ongoing?

"I feel used, beat up and undeserving of love. She took part of my soul for awhile. Worst part is, I miss dancing with her and the loving attention we had when she wasn't devaluing me. I feel broken for now but I will feel better in time."

you will feel better in time, but the pain you feel now is completely understandable. in your situation you may find our lessons on both the Staying and Leaving boards very useful. both will help you a great deal in understanding BPD behaviors and what youve been through, the staying lessons will help diffuse the situation, and the leaving lessons will help you detach from these very painful wounds.

hang in there and please keep posting. we are here to help.