Cat peeing on the bed

[maxsterling]

I've heard that pwBPD tend to bond with pets.  That's true with my wife, but I also notice she paints the cats black, too.  Right now she has the cats painted black, that she doesn't want them anymore, yells at them, and shoved them out of the way.  I've noticed that my older male cat runs and hides when she is yelling.  He is an extremely social cat who I've never seen run away from anything except the vacuum cleaner.  When W is in a bad mood, he hides under the bed.  In 8 years, I never saw him go under the bed at all.  

But now he has been peeing outside the litter box.  I've seen him pee on the bed twice, and pee on the rug by the front door.  I watched him do it, and it seems deliberate and not like he is in pain or sick.  he will hop up on the bed, paw around, squat and pee, and then run off.  :)o you think he is stressing out over my wife's bad moods?  We also have a 9-month old kitten who can be a handful.  I suppose the older cat could be stressed out by the kitten, too.  But this is something that has cropped up in the last few weeks, as my wife's dysregulations have been more frequent. The kitten has been the same hyper kitten for months, and the older cat is definitely annoyed, but no peeing outside the litter box until recently.

Anyone else have issues with their pets getting along with the pwBPD?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

I don't know Max, but this makes me wonder how she will react to a child.

I peed outside the litter box too.    I also threw up on mom's rug when I was little. Not on purpose.

[vortex of confusion]

Not sure how to describe it. My husband and the cats are buddies. If a cat is sitting on him, he won't get up and do anything. Sitting with the cats becomes more important than being a parent.

The dog on the other hand is interesting. The dog will want attention from him but does NOT listen to him at all. The dog treats my husband a lot like the kids do. The dog clearly has no respect for my husband. The dog will run off on my husband but not me. The dog sleeps with me and follows me around. The dog gives him attention but has made it perfectly clear that he listens to nobody but me. One of the animals, not sure which one, recently pooped on his bed.

[Skip]

Why not look to the usual culprits.

Does the cat have a bladder infection, for example, your cat may associate pain or discomfort with the litterbox?

Has the litterbox in a stressful location or dirty - has anything changed?

It there conflict with the cat - either with another cat or a family member?

If the cat is peeing on the bed, its a big problem.  I not give them access to the room.

[ColdEthyl]

Hmm interesting. The r/s b/w my H and animals is also kind of odd. My H brought home a dog he found on the street and the dog bonded with me. I told him before he even brought a dog home that they tend to like me a lot. The dog sleeps on my legs, follows me around the house, etc etc.

What my husband says... .repeatedly... .when he pets the dog sometimes is "I thought this dog would be mine because I saved him. But nope... .he loves his momma. It's ok though, I don't mind." The very fact he mentions it over and over points to evidence elsewhere, but I digress.

I always reply that he's both of ours, and he loves and respects daddy too, but the dog seems to treat him like Alpha and only Alpha. He does love him and listen to him... .but it's more respectful and less loving... .if that makes any sense.

[Cat Familiar]

Max, I hope you have multiple litter boxes. A young hyper kitten certainly adds stress to a middle-aged cat's life. Also if the litter box isn't perfectly clean (and who can keep them this way for long?), that can be the cause of "accidents."

At age 8, male cats can be prone to urinary tract crystallization which can be life-threatening, so please get him checked out if you haven't already.

That said, yes, cats are very sensitive to human's moods and he could very well be voicing his discontent with your wife's dysregulations. I've seen them target shoes and clothes of the person they're angry with.

My husband will also paint the animals black and frequently questions their love and loyalty. It's so bizarre because he's the disloyal one.

[downandin]

As others have pointed out, there are many other possible reasons you should definitely think about, especially getting your cat checked by the Vet.  But... .I'm a lifelong cat person, and I will just flat out tell you that cats are very keen both intellectually and (for lack of a better term) spiritually.  They know whats going on.  My cat has 'peed' on our bed twice (both on my wife's side) and she has also 'pooped' in four pairs of my wife's shoes now.  She has never once done this to anyone elses.

[adventurer]

Have the cat checked out by the vet as suggested, for urinary crystallization.  Also there are some pheromone based sprays you can try, one which has a calming effect which may reduce peeing if from stress, another spray which I believe can discourage peeing in the wrong place, if you catch them at it.  Also there is a pheromone calming pet collar as well.

It would not surprise me at all if the cat was reacting to the change in the air, so to speak, of your wife's moods. Especially if there is excess noise and disruption.

[Rockylove]

I HAD to read this thread... .my cat (I've had her since 2003) has peed outside the box on occasion throughout the years when she's wanting my attention... .most recently she's been peeing and pooping on the kitchen counter right in front of me!  As if life isn't hectic enough!

Anyway... .I don't think it has anything to do with my uBPDh, but with my own stress level.  As "they" say with kids... .negative attention is better than no attention and I've been so consumed with everything else that I haven't paid her as much attention lately

[NGU]

Anyone else have issues with their pets getting along with the pwBPD?

We have a dog. He's a mutt, about 50 lbs. Right before I moved in, my W (g/f at the time) said I would be "adopting" both the dog and her mental issues.

I'm not trying to downplay our relationship, or her, or myself... .but if it was between me and the dog, sometimes I think my W would take it much harder if the dog died. They are thT close. Even if she goes to the bathroom, he lays by the door.

He can definitely tell when my W is low. It's the only time I can jiggle the leash to walk him solo, and have him get right up without coaxing. It seems like he acts more careful when she's angry or crying. He looks for less attention for himself.

One thing that never changes... .if my W and I get close to each other, like when I give her a long hug when she wakes up in the morning, the dog is right there, aggressively butting in. It might be annoying sometimes if it wasn't so entertaining.

[123Phoebe]

I've heard that pwBPD tend to bond with pets.  That's true with my wife, but I also notice she paints the cats black, too.  Right now she has the cats painted black, that she doesn't want them anymore, yells at them, and shoved them out of the way.  

Does it bother you that your wife treats the animals this way?  Your pets?  :)o you feel bad for your cats?