Mom called my BPDw evil today. It's hard to argue with her.

[Wize]

I told her, I don't think my wife is evil but there is evil insider her and that's the part that rules her life.  We label this evil force or evil energy as a "disorder" which is fine.  I won't argue with that. But if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like duck... .it's pretty much a duck. 

My BPDw isn't evil but dang if she couldn't be classified as such.  The way she treats people, inflicting pain in such a devious, deceptive way.  Luring in her pray and then hurting them.  It's not natural, it's not human.  She hurting her kids, me, her entire family and anyone who gets close to her.  Evil? 

What do you think?

[Herodias]

My ex called himself an evil devil... .

[Wize]

Oh, my ex is an angel, a perfect, little angel.  That's what she thinks. That's what she wants people to think.

[JerryRG]

My ex is influenced by evil, she's been into so much darkness for so long it's going to take her a long time and a lot of work to recover. Point is she cannot see herself as she really is so getting well is not an option for her now.

[Herodias]

Well, mine wants everyone else to think he's a perfect angel, but once the mask was off he admitted to me what he is. We used to talk about allot of psychological stuff. I was interested in it and he's been in tons of therapy. We had that kind of understanding. Except when I took classes on it- then he got really freaked out. He knows he's evil- he likes it.

[JerryRG]

My ex has done things that were truly hurtful if not evil, deliberately harming someone just for fun is sadistic, it speaks of the depravity of their hearts. Childishness in its truest sense. I truly pity her because of her illness.

[Wize]

deliberately harming someone just for fun is sadistic

My ex didn't deliberately harm me for fun, she manipulated me to gain control. She didn't give two sh!ts how her manipulation hurt me because all she cared about was getting her desired result.  That could be considered evil, if it weren't the product of a nasty disorder caused by core trauma.

[WishIKnew82]

I never use those black white terms. It is exactly the way BPD's communicate. And trust me, he has done horrible things. Made me feel like I deserved to die and that every breath I drew was one I should feel guilty over. It was disgusting. But I will never use those terms. I feel bad for him and his total absurd view of things. He always used to say that he didn't understand why everything was always going wrong for him in life. And he will keep asking himself that for the rest of his life. He has probably added me to the list of things gone wrong in his life without his doing.

And I rarely use those words also for a personal reason. Everytime I read those things on this site it makes me feel like he could be the one writing it. He uses exactly words like evil, devil and all kinds of dark terms to define me and other people. He painted me the blackest of black and has gone online to smear me and looking for sympathy. It isn't manipulating cause he truly believes it. His feelings are his reality.  

It is what it is. It is just not evil. To me anyway.

[once removed]

id like to echo WishIKnew82, all good or all bad, those are black and white terms. our exes are neither all good or all bad, or else we likely would not have entered or remained in a relationship with them.

the struggles our exes face (and those that have involved us) are more complex. they are finely honed survival skills - they are what they know, they are what has worked. understanding (not excusing) what drives them helps depersonalize those behaviors, which i think is at the heart of your question. generally speaking, these are not carefully crafted deceptions or deliberate, malicious plots, though they may appear that way to us. they are however, a sort of self fulfilling prophecy that comprises the disorder.