my best friend

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello again. Thank you all for the responses to date it is helpful. One of the things I am struggling with most beyond the idea that she is having sex with another guy which I almost guarantee is the fact that I thought she was my best friend. We talked about everything for hours on end. We discussed kids a family a cottage so many times I can't even count. It feels like that was a lie now. All a lie. I am at a loss because the person I spent every day with is gone. Typically when it was good it was amazing and the smallest thing would paint me black.  I admit I got angry and freaked out but what should I have done? It just kills me that of course she will run now... .of course I'm the enemy now. She did it to everyone else in her life so why not me? I guess I believed it all the lies. Running is part of the problem and by her doing this it just exemplifies it. I miss her. All day every day. But at the same time I'm so hurt and angry. We broke up and 3 weeks later met and had amazing sex. That same night she lied to me about something insignificant... .why? She tried to explain but nothing makes sense.

[Venny]

Hello again. Thank you all for the responses to date it is helpful. One of the things I am struggling with most beyond the idea that she is having sex with another guy which I almost guarantee is the fact that I thought she was my best friend. We talked about everything for hours on end. We discussed kids a family a cottage so many times I can't even count. It feels like that was a lie now. All a lie. I am at a loss because the person I spent every day with is gone. Typically when it was good it was amazing and the smallest thing would paint me black.  I admit I got angry and freaked out but what should I have done? It just kills me that of course she will run now... .of course I'm the enemy now. She did it to everyone else in her life so why not me? I guess I believed it all the lies. Running is part of the problem and by her doing this it just exemplifies it. I miss her. All day every day. But at the same time I'm so hurt and angry. We broke up and 3 weeks later met and had amazing sex. That same night she lied to me about something insignificant... .why? She tried to explain but nothing makes sense.

[SoMadSoSad]

Hello again. Thank you all for the responses to date it is helpful. One of the things I am struggling with most beyond the idea that she is having sex with another guy which I almost guarantee is the fact that I thought she was my best friend. We talked about everything for hours on end. We discussed kids a family a cottage so many times I can't even count. It feels like that was a lie now. All a lie. I am at a loss because the person I spent every day with is gone. Typically when it was good it was amazing and the smallest thing would paint me black.  I admit I got angry and freaked out but what should I have done? It just kills me that of course she will run now... .of course I'm the enemy now. She did it to everyone else in her life so why not me? I guess I believed it all the lies. Running is part of the problem and by her doing this it just exemplifies it. I miss her. All day every day. But at the same time I'm so hurt and angry. We broke up and 3 weeks later met and had amazing sex. That same night she lied to me about something insignificant... .why? She tried to explain but nothing makes sense.

I miss my ex also soo much but I will never hear from her again. I'm too "disrespectful" for her I guess.

[C.Stein]

How does one define friendship?  If you take a step back and look at the relationship objectively was she really a friend?

This is something I have struggled with as well.  My ex had become my "best" friend in that I confided in her and made her a part of my daily life.  I miss that dearly but if I am being honest and objective about it I have to question if she was ever really a "friend".   Certainly the way she treated me at times during the relationship and post trash bin lacked even the basic respect one might expect from a stranger let alone a friend or a partner.  Then I remember that many of our interactions were generally shallow, no real depth to any of it.  This is fine, you don't need deep conversations and interactions with friends, but you would certainly expect to have that with a partner at least some of the time.  Problem was, anytime I attempted to have a deeper conversation with her she would shut down or deflect or go into victim mode.   Then I got replaced as a "best" friend and all the depth (what was left) went away.   This is not something a "friend" would do, at least I would hope they wouldn't.

So was she really a friend?   Maybe at one point but that went away as I lost value to her, first as a "best" friend and towards the end when she replaced me as a partner.  

[JerryRG]

I agree C. Stein

I was my exgfs best friend because I gave her my heart and everything else I had, I had one false expectation and that was one day she would reciprocate.

That day never came, she's and empty well of darkness so I believe she really had nothing to give back.

I didn't lose anything I couldn't get back, and today I'm well and healthy and restored to an even better state than I was prior to our relationship, and certainly during the crazy train I participated in with her.