my dBPD it string things up again this morning. she has been recovering from acl surgery so I have been taking the kid to camp in the am as she can not drive. so, she feels like I do not allow enough time in the morning. so she attacks me over it, ending in the typical "this why we can not be together." I on the other hand feel like - you have an alarm if you think the kid needs more time, get up early yourself and get him ready and stop worrying about what I am doing wrong. I have asked her not to help in the morning (aka stay in bed and don't get worked up), suggesting she can sleep in. maybe if I just flat out out say, "I do not want or need your help in the mornings." I don't know that might sound like rejection to her. suggestions... .thanks
This classic push pull... Help me/Dont control me.
She wants you to do this, but cant handle you taking control (in case you do it better) so she sabotages it.
I used to go through similar morning routine getting kids ready for school. Like most folks in the morning you go through your routines automatically in the morning and it all seems to come together and works with little extra thought. Then my partner would get up and "help hurry us along" and in the process mess up everyones routine and rattling everyones cages". As a result it all becomes chaos, inefficient and everyone ends up in a bad mood.
You will have to make a boundary of either its your job or hers, you cannot both run the show. Maybe if you phrase it along the lines of demarcation, you do X and I will take care of getting kid to camp. Just saying stay out of it without acknowledging her responsibility for something else, will seem like a criticism, and we know were that leads
Asking and suggesting wont get you anywhere.