Hi runningfool789;
Newyoungfather has some good insights here:
It's more how reasonable people can use logical reasoning rather than me to explain to them how my exbpd's lies about things. You can't make valid points to people who aren't open to receiving them and/or have personality disorder or those who enable the abuser's tactics.
Sadly, there's a lot outside our control in situations like this. pwBPD (persons with BPD) do often seem to "compete" for allies in separation and divorce scenarios. My DH's xW has allied with two of his sisters and one of his aunts. That being said, if I look at how NYF's points apply:
Both of the sisters and the aunt were "primed" to hear stories of "an awful abusive man". It justified their feelings and life experiences; plus, DH was just close enough to them to be a cathartic target of their contempt and feelings of being mistreated. None of those people would be open to the valid points about DH, because they aren't open to them, based on their preconceptions and worldviews. At this point, it's not about "Well, if they just hear a logical explanation, it'd make sense that DH isn't that bad" -- they have what I'd call a "religious" commitment to their position, versus an intellectual commitment.
All that being said, runningfool789, if you have some legal concerns about the false statements, feel free to walk us through them here -- we'll help you brainstorm.
Socially and emotionally, though, it will be a sad, hard process of winnowing at first. Share with us when you feel ready about solid support that you DO have -- it's so critical.