My child chooses to be homeless

[Lake Lover]

I just finished reading Stop Walking on eggshells.  Wish I had read this sooner.  My child (19years old)left our house 20 days ago because we set the firm boundary of either getting residential therapy or not living in our house.  It breaks my heart, but it’s been 16 years of literally walking on eggshells/hell.  My husband & I are in therapy to help us  cope through this very difficult time. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Lake Lover and

I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you to us but I'm really glad you're here. It must have been very difficult when your D chose to leave your home rather than go into treatment. My D did the same when I confronted her with her drug use several years ago and it broke my heart. You have found a great place for support here as you learn how to cope.

Which of your D's behaviors concern you the most? Has she been diagnosed?

I look forward to getting to know you and how we can best support you.

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

I join Only Human in welcoming you, Lake Lover. I like your name and I am happy to meet you, glad you are here, and sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. I think it is great that you are setting appropriate boundaries with your daughter and getting help for yourselves. We are here to help too, as fellow parents on this tough BPD journey.

[stampingt1]

Welcome Lake Lover,

Glad that you guys are using "tough love" & are in counseling. Have you had any contact w/ your child in those 20 days?

 

[Mirsa]

Good for you Lake Lover!  So few parents do this because it's just so danged hard!  Sounds like you have a commitment to your own happiness that many of us fight long and hard to develop.  I've read posts/blogs from young adults who were so appreciative later on that their parents gave them this nudge...sometimes we have to push them out of the nest!  Hopefully she circles back around, but please know, you would have had to draw a line in the sand at some point.  The BPD always pushes and pushes and eventually you just cannot be flexible. 

My BPD DD17 moved out six months ago to live with her father, whom she had not spoken with in a year.  My line in the sand? =--saying no, she could not have new 21yo boyfriend in her bedroom.  Actually, she told me he was 20...another lie.  Well, her father said she could live with him and have BF in her bed, and he saved $1700/month in child support by doing this.  So sad, because he taught her that she can lie and manipulate to get what she wants, and also that she is always right and justified in being a jerk.  So, I feel good about having said no to her, and the bonus surprise was all the peace and serenity that entered my home the instant she left it. 

I hope you can enjoy the peace of her absence.  She is a young adult and at this point, her life reflects HER decisions, actions, and behaviors.  Kudos to you for helping her see this!  Enjoy every minute of the break ;)

[Kiss]

Hi LL:  what's the update on the decision you made to let her go?